(Closed) Do you have to give a reason to turn down a bridesmaid invite?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@guitargirl:  I really appreciate the offer, but I think it would be better if you chose one of your closest friends instead. (Next sentence if you’re married) I remember how important it was to have my closest friends as my bridesmaids and I don’t want to deprive you of that experience. (Or if you’re not married) I know when I choose my bridesmaids I will want to have my closest friends with me and I think you should have yours with you. Thank you so much for the offer, but I just wouldn’t feel right being a bridesmaid for you when I’m sure there are close friends you would rather include.

Make longer or shorter as appropriate.

ETA: You can also mention that you don’t want her to feel obligated to ask you just because you are family. You are very happy for their marriage (ok maybe this part is a lie for you) but think there are better ways for you to show your support than by being a bridesmaid.

Post # 5
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@asscherlover:  Great answer! 

I think that’s the best way to go.

Post # 6
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Is it possible that she knows, but wants to take this opportunity for you to get to know each other, and possibly repair your relationship with your brother? I trust you when you say he’s done some horrible things…but, would it be worth it to you (and for the sake of family peace) to try to be the better person and make amends? If not, I would definitely lie. Telling the truth here sounds like it could just cause a big divide in the family, and it sounds like you want to avoid the drama as much as possible! Your lie doesn’t have to be super complex…how does she know you’re not busy? Maybe you have a huge project at work or your neighbor needs a lot of help with stuff and you’re a really nice person. Or, you’re working really hard to pay off your credit card debt/car/mortgage and need to save all your money. Or maybe you already have a commitment on the day of the wedding? Good luck! It sounds like a tough and emotional situation for you, but I hope that you’re able to confront it or get out of it as soon as possible, with as little drama as possible!

Post # 9
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@guitargirl:  I am in a similar situation as my brother is getting married shortly after me. I am not close to my brother and find him and his fiance extremly obnoxious (i’ve only met her once and wasn’t really a fan of her).  I am just sucking it up and being a bridesmaid and will have her as a bridesmaid in mine. I was also trying to think of ways to get out of it but in the end i feel it’s better to just be a bridesmaid and let her be one then causing unnecessary drama with the other family members who will definatly ask “why are you not a bridesmaid”. I really wouldn’t want to be bothered answering this questions over and over again.  I won’t be attending her shower or bachelorette party and already told her I will only be around the day before their wedding.  (They live far away).  All I am doing is buying the dress and I will do my own hair and makeup.  Being in the wedding will cost me $170 and 20 minutes of my time for their ceremony to avoid the drama.


In the end it is your decision.  If you decide to be in the wedding make sure you tell her how involved you plan to be. 

Post # 10
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You are certainly not obligated to be her bridesmaid, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she does know how strained your relationship with your brother is and this is her attempt at reconciliation?

Post # 11
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@asscherlover:  The only reason I disagree with this is that you’re telling her how she should pick her party. I don’t think you need to explain why you don’t think you’re a good match…that just sounds like family drama and hurt feelings to me. This might be a good time for a “can’t afford it” or “no time” white lie.

Post # 12
1431 posts
Bumble bee

I would just say ” At this time in my life I really don’t feel like it is something I can do, but I really appreciate you asking me and am happy knowing that you will have other great friends standing up there with you.” I think that will keep her from asking questions and not make her feel like you hate her.  

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