Post # 1
Member
6392 posts
Bee Keeper
Fiance and I are having a bit of a disagreement. Two out of eight groomsmen are in different branches of the military. They want to wear their uniform instead of renting a tux. I get that they’re proud of their service and all, but to be fair, one of them hasn’t actually served yet, he will have just graduated college and the ROTC program.
I know I sound like a horrible, un-American person, but my mom has worked overtime to pay for our wedding, and she’s done a lot to make sure we have our awesome (decently expensive) photographer. I’m worried that the photos will look awkward with six people in one suit and two of the guys in different uniforms.
Is it possible to ask them nicely to wear a tux? I mean, everyone knows they’re in the military. Can we just shelve the uniform for one day?
Post # 3
Member
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
There is nothing that requires them to wear their dress uniforms, I would have no problem asking them wear tuxes. I don’t think there is anything rude about it at all, no different than picking our Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses.
Post # 4
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to wear a tux. You’re the bride/groom, and you call the shots. You’re not an awful person for wanting your guys to all look the same. Plus, you don’t want your hubby to be looking overshadowed by two guys in military uniforms, cause, let’s face it, they’re pretty distinct.
I understand why they want to wear them, though. They’re rightfully proud of their service, and that’s good. FI’s joining the Navy, and is so excited to wear his for the first time in public! But, your wedding’s not about them, nor should they expect it to be. It would be the same if they wanted to wear jeans and a cowboy hat cause they’re cowboys. Well… that’s fabulous, but that’s not what is expected.
Post # 5
Member
6392 posts
Bee Keeper
@tksjewelry: I’m so glad to hear you say that! One of them mentioned that they were going to be wearing his uniform, and I internally freaked out, but I didn’t know if they could or what was proper :). I’m really thinking about asking Fiance to just have them wear suits.
piglet_625: I love the analogy, and it’s great to hear from someone else who’s Fiance is in/joining the military. I don’t want to diss their service, I just don’t want a bunch of different colors and suits/uniforms up at the front.
Post # 6
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
If it was your groom and he wanted to wear his uniform I would say let him. I love a man in uniform. BUT–it’s not their wedding. They’re there for him, and they should show their support by all looking nice together.
Post # 7
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I think it’s fair to ask them to wear something else. We had a semi-similar situation where it’s very common for our federal police officers to wear their uniforms to weddings. My husband, six honour guard and two groomsmen are members and one groomsman is not. I thought it would be odd to have nine guys in bright red uniforms, and one guy in a tux (like, who’s the random?), so we asked the two groomsmen to wear tuxes as well.
Post # 8
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
Someone may call me out on this–but my best friend is a Naval Officer and I’m honored to have him wear a different color than the rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen! And I can’t wait to see it in the pictures. Being in the military is not just a job, it is their life, and while we did give the option to choose between renting a tux or wearing his dress uniform…I am truly honored that he’s choosing to wear his uniform. These men and women do after all put their lives on the line for us every moment of everyday so that we can live in the glorious country that we do…so perhaps if it’s more important to have uniformity in your bridal party than to satisfy a friends passion for their service to our country you should reconsider your bridal party. If it were your father, or a seasoned, decorated soldier wanting to wear his uniform, would you approach the subject any differently?
Post # 9
Member
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Yeah, I had the opposite problem. I really wanted my brother and uncles to wear their dress blues and my brother really just wants to rock a tux, which is ok with me. I don’t really care what he wears as long as he thinks he is rocking it at least he will be there and with the Army that is a feet), but I really wanted to him to wear the dress blues.
Post # 10
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
We had a civil ceremony and have postponed our wedding ceremony. My husband and his best man are both in the army. When we were planning, we decided to have them wear tuxedos. His best man did tell me a couple of times that they should wear the uniforms, but you just have to be firm and tell them that it’s yalls day and the tux is what you want.
Post # 11
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
My Dad’s whole side of the family is military and my father is a decorated officer, has been overseas many many times but on my wedding day he will not be wearing his dress blues. This has nothing to do with being unpatriotic it has to do with the fact that we will be getting married on a beach and I don’t want my dad in dress blues, I don’t think of him as the military I think of him as my father. This is your day and they are representing themselves as your support, not the military. If you want them to wear a tux then just tell them you want them to wear a tux, they will have ample opportunities throughout their career to wear dress blues!
Post # 12
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
@jo.lee: Exactly! And if that’s what you want, then tell them that it has nothing to do with them being in the military, it’s just that you want them to wear a tux!
You could compromise and let them wear their uniforms at the reception… I don’t know if that’s weird, but if you’re really only concerned about pictures, and they REALLY want to wear them, then maybe that might be a good alternative?
Personally, I think that if you agree to be in the bridal party, then you agree to wear whatever the bride/groom chooses, end of discussion… but that’s just me. 🙂
Post # 13
Member
6392 posts
Bee Keeper
Thanks for all the opinions so far, from both sides of the aisle :). I really am clueless when it comes to protocol and just everything in general when it comes to the military, so I really super duper appreciate all the feedback!
Post # 14
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
this might be a different way of thinking about it…if you had a bridesmaid who was in the military, wouldn’t you expect her to wear a bridesmaid’s dress instead of her uniform? is that any different?
i’m not familiar at all with military protocol or anything, but it seems to me like asking them to wear a tux is fine
Post # 15
Member
17 posts
Newbee
My husband was in the military, and was never required to wear his Class A’s unless it was to military functions and inspections. They are specific events that you are allowed to wear them, but not required to. Weddings are one of those events. This is coming straight from the hubs!
I see no harm in asking them to rent a tux for the event.
Hope that helps!
Post # 16
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
I think the only guy that gets a say on what he gets to wear is the groom…not the groomsmen. They should wear what they are asked to wear.
I’m just about as patriotic as they come, being an Army wife and all, but I still say, your wedding shouldn’t be a cause for free reign on the groomsmen choice of clothing…unless you say they can wear the uniforms.
Member