(Closed) Do you have to let military groomsmen wear their dress uniforms?

posted 10 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Can we ask them to just wear a tux?

    Yes

    No, absolutely not.

    You can suggest it, but let them wear their uniform if they still want to.

    Other?

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1642 posts
    Bumble bee

    Fathers are different. Father of the bride OR the groom–they are hosts/honored guests.

    And, yes, wanting everyone to look nice in pictures is SO unAmerican. Hang me for treason.

    Post # 18
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    For the sake of not getting snarky…I’ll leave it at this…but I wasn’t aware that a man or woman doesn’t look nice in their uniform in a picture or in person. And yes, if one of my bridesmaids were in the military and wanted to wear her dress uniform, I would allow it.

    Post # 19
    Member
    2828 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My sister had the same problem.

    her husband is a naval officer, so his dress uniform is white, 2 of his groomsmen were also military, but different branches so one had a red dress uniform and the other green while the other two groomsmen would have been wearing suits.

    Though she didn’t mind the idea of her husband wearing his dress uniform (though he didn’t in the end) she didn’t like the idea of a hodge-podge look with 3 different uniforms & 2 matching suits (fwiw all the girls had the same dresses/same colour so she was going for a homogeneous look).

    I don’t think it is out of line to ask that they wear tuxes– it is pretty standard for the wedding party to be asked to wear something specific.

     

    Post # 20
    Member
    921 posts
    Busy bee

    My husbands in the Army and so are his 2 groomsmen so we are lucky that all of it matches for our vow renewal. But if some were in the military and some weren’t I would worry about the same thing you are. In the end if it’s important to you to have all the men wear the same thing then ask them to wear tux’s. It’s probably not as big of a deal to them as you think.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I voted no…but I voted wrong…I answered the title of the post instead of the poll question. so do you have to let military groomsmen wear their dress uniforms? I say no, if they want to wear it, it would be a nice gesture…but I dont think I would want them to wear it at my wedding either…

    Post # 22
    Member
    4765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    This seems like a no brainer to me.  Your wedding isn’t a military event, especially since your Fiance isn’t in the military! What are they thinking!  It has nothing to do with their service.  I wouldn’t have it either.  It is different if your Fiance and all his men are in uniform, but just 2 groomsmen in uniform seems very odd.  Of course they should wear tuxes, if they were their uniform they’ll stand out more than your FI!

    Post # 23
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    View original reply
    @marylandnurse: Well said! As a service member we are truly proud of the uniforms that we wear. But one has to be mindful of more than a Soldiers pride and a potentially “awkward”photo: can the groomsmen afford to rent tuxedos? If not, their dress uniforms may be their only option.

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    3788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Sure, the military may be their lives, but your wedding is not representative of their lives… See the different pronouns used there? It’s not about being American or un-American or honoring their service. There is a time and place. Also, people can be truly, deeply passionate about a lot of things. I have an uncle who is a Catholic deacon, but he won’t be wearing his collar to my wedding because it’s not his event. Same difference. People bristle when it is applied to the military, but I don’t understand the special treatment in this instance. It’s called compartmentalizing.

    (I am not saying that what the military does is not special in its own way, just that it is unrelated to weddings.)

    Post # 26
    Member
    1642 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @marylandnurse: It’s not about looking good, it’s about looking uniform. I love a man in uniform. But I’m also really type A/anal about things like photos. I just know that one person wearing something totally different, even if he looked fantastic, would drive me crazy. And I don’t think it’s inappropriate for the two people who are getting married (i.e. the ones people came to see) to ask the people are there to support them to wear a tux if they want them in a tux. It’s just clothing. There will be plenty of opportunities to wear full military dress in the future. I doubt anyone would care or even notice.

    Post # 27
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    jo.lee I don’t you think you are being unreasonable and I do understand concerns about wanting all the groomsmen to look the same. I have been to a few weddings in which the groom or somebody in the wedding party wore a military dress uniform.

    Back in 2005, a friend and former co-worker of mine got married to a man who had returned from Iraq six months prior to the wedding. He was in the Marines and at the time to the wedding he was still active duty. Two of groomsmen were Marines. My friend’s husband and those two groomsmen wore their uniforms and the other two groomsmen and the best men wore tuxedos. It didn’t took weird for the two groomsmen to be wearing their dress uniforms since the groom was wearing his as well.

    A couple of months after that wedding, my cousin got married and her husband who is in the Navy wore his dress uniform while his side wore tuxes.

    Last year a male cousin of mine got married. His wife decided to have her brother be her man of honor and he wore his Air Force dress blues and it didn’t look too bad with other wedding party participants. 

     

    In the three situations, everyone was ok about the military dress uniforms. I can understand if some people want everyone looking the same.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My cynicism tells me that they aren’t being patriotic or proud, they’re just being cheap/lazy guys and don’t want the hassle or expense of renting a tux. But I’m pretty cynical, so I may be being a little harsh.

    Either way, as PPs said, that day isn’t about them, or the US, or the military, or their service in the military. It’s about you and your Fiance getting married, and the focus should be on that. Maybe you could tell them that if they were in their uniform, you’d be afraid people would be distracted and focusing on something else besides the wedding ceremony.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee

    A more selfish anti-military group I’ve seldom encountered.  I would seem that if you are so disrespectful of someones’s military uniform that you don’t want them to wear it on “your” day then they obviously aren’t important enough to you to be included in your wedding at all.  I wouldn’t blame them at all for declining to participate in your wedding period if you choose to insult them.  In fact I personally wouldn’t attend your wedding at all.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    View original reply
    jo.lee:  my fi’s cousin (and best man) is in the army. He really wants to wear his, but I have put my foot down. He has turned down all opportunities to advance, has never been overseas, and only enlisted for the glory of it. I feel that if he wears his uniform it is disrespectful to my father and grandfathers who have all put in so much hard work. He is very upset about this, but as my grandfather said (with 36 years in the air force and fighting in Vietnam) “if he really deserved to wear his uniform, he’d be proud to wear the tux”

    Post # 30
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Anyone who questions people’s patriotism because they prefer tuxes at their wedding over military dress is full of it. People shouldn’t use service to guilt someone over clothing, cheapens the whole thing they purport to venerate. It’s one thing if the groom or father of the bride… or even if you where having it at West PoinT but seems like you’re not. I’ve seen men in weddings who where in Vietnam, WW2 and Korea put on a tux without protest… but these guys take it as an insult? ROTC even?!?! 

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Ambi D.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Ambi D.

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