Post # 1
Ok, i dislike that term. But are you able to truly ignore negative, cranky people?
Let me put this into my own situation. My FSIL (brothers FI) apparently doesnt like us. For no reason. Maybe she feels some kind of competition between out weddings (though there is none) but i honestly dont know her issue. She has never made an effort to get to know me or my FI, never started a conversation with us, she missed out engagement party because she had to go to the gym, and she came to our buck and doe 2 weekends ago and didnt even say HELLO to either of us and then just left.
I honestly dont know what her issue is. But now i have to deal with our wedding, and her wedding with this cranky child being a negative nelly. Do i just completely ignore her and stop making the effort i always have? I just dont get it.
Post # 3
I think it depends on what you want out of this relationship. If you want to be closer/have a better relationship, you just have to keep trying. Or, if you’re like me, you can have fun with it. I would probably make a huge scene the next time she did something (start crying or whatever) and ask why she didn’t like me in front of everyone. Or be overly nice to her everytime I see her like I want to be her best friend, but single-white-female style.
Post # 4
Just be cordial. If she wont’ say “hello” to you, then there’s nothing to really ignore anyways.
On a side note, people probably think I’m one of these people. In reality, I have social anxiety and I get extremely nervous at parties or large gatherings. It’s nothing personal against anyone else, but I would avoid an engagement party like the plague and if I had to go, like as in, a close family member, I’d likely be hugging the wall.
I’m just saying, people have their own reasons for being how they are.
Post # 5
@stuckinwonderland: Great point!
Don’t automatically think a quiet, less social person is unfriendly or trying to be rude. They may be shy, anxious, etc. If you engage them and they still don’t seem to have even the faintest of a heartbeat, well, you might want to put your efforts elsewhere.
Post # 6
Yes, I ignore negative remarks and avoid being around the person.
No showering with smiles because I am not fake.
I am calm and cooly polite when forced to be around such a person, and that always leaves me feeling good.
Post # 7
@Swizzle: It’s hard. Negative energy brings you down, and it’s not like you’re deaf – you can hear all of the nasty shit that people say. I wish that I could just completely ignore it and let it roll off my back, but it can impact my mood. I do my best not to stress the things I can’t control (and other people’s actions are at the top of that list) but it is a work in progress.
I don’t actually act on the nasty things they say though. For example, one of my friends hated my FI and thought that would make me break up with him – rather, I stopped talking to her.
Post # 8
@Swizzle: The only person you can control is yourself. Be polite because you are a polite person. Include her as you would any family member. If she is being snarky either call her on it or ignore her- whatever fits your personality. Personally, when people say things that are outlandish, attention seeking or just inappropriate I like to stare at them and let everything get really quiet and awkward for a while, just letting the room make the point.
Post # 9
Ughhhh my FSIL is similar, but she loves to do the “fake smile and laugh” thing in every single situation. TBH, I ignore her as much as possible. I can’t stand her. I don’t initiate conversations with her and keep my responses to her short and to the point (and vague when needed).
Post # 10
I personally would first talk to my brother–but I have a good relationship with my brother so he would know I wasn’t coming to him from a nasty place for no reason. Secondly, I would continue to be nice to her-be the bigger person since it’s family, but don’t have your expectations set too high for reciprocation just so you don’t constantly have your feelings hurt.
The reason I say you should just be nice to her is because sometime in the future I’m sure you will want to spend time with your nieces/nephews and if you blow up on her or something then who knows what she would do. She seems like a real A-Hole, hang in there!
Post # 11
In my own personal experience, I have found that those who seem to be this way usually are shy individuals (who may not seem to be at all shy in certain settings with certain people) who are insecure about something in their own lives. They don’t quite know how to have a conversation with the people they seem to be ignoring, or they feel intimidated by them or as if others do not really like them.
I have learned that when I sincerely make the effort to go out of my way to show unconditional love to these individuals — and not expect anything in return, they slowly begin to warm up to me and eventually connect in a way that hadn’t seemed possible originally.
I would encourage you to look past how you are feeling in this situation and truly begin to focus on how she might be feeling. Try to get to know her and to connect with her on her level in ways that you think would be meaningful to her, and don’t abandon your efforts even if they seem to go unnoticed or unappreciated initially. I bet you’ll end up with a good friend as well as a SIL. 🙂
Post # 12
Yes, but it takes a LOT for me to get to the place where I’m basically ignoring a person and pretending they don’t exist. It takes a lot out of me and I’d rather have a conversation with someone, establish that we don’t like each other and continue going about our daily lives. To walk into a room, see someone I don’t care for (regardless of what they’ve done to me) and go out of my way to NOT acknowledge them is honestly out of my character and I don’t like to give anyone the power to change my character.
Post # 13
Negative cranky people? Sounds like my dad. Nothing is ever good or a happy event, and if you have something going on in your life that sucks don’t you dare bring it up..he’s the only one allowed to be miserable in the world.
He’s posted on facebook repeatedly snarky comments about how he’s not excited for the wedding, whined about having to wear a tux, whined about having to wear shoes, blah blah blah.
You’d think he’d just be happy that he can show up to the wedding that he didn’t pay for, and enjoy a good time. But no…total Debbie Downer!
I just ignore him.
Post # 14
You have pretttty much described my step sister and her FI to a T. They seem to think our weddings our competitions (they’re not) and always have something negative to say about EVERYTHING in life (her FI). Honestly, I just ignore them and have a (private) laugh over their ridicuslous behavior.
Post # 15
@Swizzle: Ugh. We have one of those too. Except that it is FH’s 30 year old male cousin who is acting like a drama queen for not being asked to be a groom’s men when we weren’t finished asking people yet….
I ignored him just like he ignored me. And now he feels like an ass for drawing attention to himself for no apparent reason.
So I vote to ignore away. If you let it bother you, she wins! Don’t make her feel more important than she thinks she is.
Post # 16
I thought my best friend’s husband disliked me. He hardly talks to me, making outings a little awkward. I stopped asking to do “couples” activities because he didn’t say much to us. Sometimes, he actually said some things I thought were mean.
I am always nice to him out of respect for my friend.
One day she told something he said that was positive and I said “Oh wow, that’s nice to know. I didn’t even think he liked me” and she said that it’s just the way he is to everyone and his comments are always sarcatic. I said, he doesn’t say them in a way that it’s possible to know that he’s joking and she agreed. She said he has made her cry for the same reason (I wouldn’t have married him for that reason…..but hey).
Anyway, you never know what’s going on in someone’s head