(Closed) Do you include adult stepchildren in signatures?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1608 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have your Darling Husband ask her what she wants.  This is one of these things you are dammned if you do, dammed if you dont.

Post # 4
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Just put “from the ‘your last name’ family” or don’t put her on it…she’s an adult.

Post # 5
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have four stepchildren, two adults and two teens.  The two adult children have never lived with us (both are now married also), so I only include the teenagers on our Christmas cards.

Post # 6
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would include her.

Post # 7
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@jjilyeah:  I don’t have anyone else on whose behalf I send greetings, but my niece Penelope always writes something along the lines of “Dionysius, Sophia and Arianna join me in wishing you a Merry Christmas; love, Penelope”

The principle is that an ethical adult does not sign other people’s names to documents, even social documents like a Christmas card. Rather, one would include the other people by mentioning them in the body of the letter. It is a great principal to start practicing now, as it applies to thank-you notes as well, wherein you might write “Husband-Darling joins me in thanking you for the lovely epergne, which will come in so useful. Love, Jjilyeah”

Speaking of Christmas cards, which I am so glad you have introduced on the board, now is the time for all Bees who think they might ever need to send out invitations; whether waiting, or planning now, or planning to plan someday; to take advantage of the Christmas Card custom. Those cards arriving at your home, your parent’s homes, and your future in-laws’ homes have return addresses on the envelopes!

Collect the envelopes, and start putting together your mailing list from the return addresses! The best way is to create a “visiting book”. Get a lined journal that will lay flat, and write one family per page. Start with the social name of the heads-of-house with their titles, if you happen to be lucky enough to have received a return-address sticker that includes names and titles. Under that, list their first names one to a line, and then the names of their children. If they might be adding more children, then skip a few lines so they can be added to your book, and write “received card Christmas 2012”. At the very bottom of the page, write in the address. Over the coming years, when you invite them to dinner or go to dinner at their house, send a card, receive a gift, and so on, write it on this page. It will be an invaluable reference to help you avoid giving the same Christmas gift two years in a row, or being the one who always eats out on them without ever returning the invitation, and so on. When they move, you cross out the address and write in the new one on the line above from their change-of-address card (assuming they send one). And when you go to start addressing invitations, you have all the addresses there at hand.

Post # 8
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jjilyeah:  I would not, she may want to send her own cards, and it would be strange if you sign them with her name.

Post # 10
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I just checked the card from my SIL, and she has included her oldest child, who is 25 and attending college away from home.

Thinking about it, when you’re at college, you’re technically an adult but still dependent on your parents to an extent. So as a “not quite independent” adult, I would include her name.

Post # 11
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t have any step children, but my mom stopped adding me or my sister to any social correspondence as soon as we were adults/didn’t live at home.

Post # 12
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We just put our names (husband and wife), then “and family”.  It covers all the kids, even my husband’s that do not live with us. 

Post # 13
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Or you could go half-half: to your friends and family (who barely know her and would probably think “Who is Jane?”) don’t include them, but Darling Husband could include her with his friends/family.

Post # 14
157 posts
Blushing bee

Most cards we receive just have from ‘A, B & family’. 

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