Post # 1
I’m debating on whether I should invite a certain friend, I have her address, but it seems like 75 % of the time I invite her to something she’s very busy or something comes up (i.e. friends in town, has to work, goes out of town) all perfectly legitimate, I’m just worried if I invite her something may come up again i.e. sudden out of town guests, sudden excess work; I don’t doubt that it’s true, but what would you do? It’s not cheap to host a wedding, on the other hand you want to be surrounded by friends who are happy for you, but what do you do with friends who may be iffy? or you know may have sudden plans last minute?I’ll probably do whatever I want anyway, but what would you do?My one friend said just invite those you know who will be there for you. I know inviting some of my NYC friends there will be no shows because everyone is so busy and have many different circles, I’m just trying to lessen that statistic. When we do hang out we have fun and she was there lsitening to me because I am in a long-distance relationship and it’s because of my many friends like her in NYC who helped me through it and kept me sane, my NYC friends are not perfect but they are my friends nonetheless.
what to do what to do
Post # 3
I think most people understand that weddings come at considerable expense, and that RSVPing for one is a serious statement of intent to attend- a little different from missing a more casual affair at the last minute. If you think she won’t take it seriously, maybe talk to her? Explain that you would be THRILLED to have her there, but your caterer, florist, venue, etc. all require an accurate headcount to set up properly, so you need to make sure she is really able to clear the date in her busy schedule, and that you will understand if it’s not possible. Obviously don’t phrase it "are you going to skip out like all the other times". 😛
Post # 4
If she’s your friend and you want her there, I would invite her. Things come up and plans have to be canceled, but wedding are a little different.
Post # 5
This is tough. I’m glad Lilivati suggested talking to her, because I was thinking that. I don’t know if it’s proper etiquette to invite someone, then call them to ask if they really mean it. And talk to them about how important it is, or costly it is to pay for them, then have them not show…. But if she is a close friend I think I would explain that to her. Obviously she has a habit of doing this, and either doesn’t understand, or doesn’t care the impact that has on others.
It is hard because she’s close enough to you that you probably feel like it would be hurtful not to invite her. And if she does show up, you’ll be glad you did. Sometimes for friends, I think it’s fine to come out with it and say how you feel, regrdless of whether or not it’s proper.
Post # 6
I would invite her! Then just confirm her attendance before sending your final headcount to the caterer. Make sure she’s aware that you can’t cancel her seat if she’s saying she’ll be there. If she’s single, she may not know what a big deal it is to RSVP and then SHOW UP! (I know I didn’t!)
Post # 7
Just make sure she RSVPs. If she’s not able to come you will know, so you (hopefully) won’t end up wasting money.
Post # 8
ok I finally decided to invite my friend, we’ve been friend for one year (which is a lifetime in NYC!) and we’ve had a lot of good times and she’s been with me through bad times
I hadn’t even sent her invitation out yet (she was the only one I was debating) when another mutual friend asked if she could bring this friend along as a guest because she would love to come ( I told all my single friends not to bring guests since it was a small wedding of 50.
okay looks like the stars are leading me to invite her, problem solved
Post # 9
I have a list of "people who might bail." It’s not that these people are not hugely important in my life, important to me, love to death, etc. I just know how they work–and don’t judge them on it!
So, when one of those people RSVPs "yes," I’ll give them a quick call a few days before my final catering count to check on their plans (in a nice way of course). And, by the same token, if one of them says "no," I’ll call and see if there’s anything I can do to help them out.
Some people not consumed by wedding madness just don’t understand how much RSVPs matter. Just let it go, invite her/him/them even if you know they might flake out–if they’re important to you!
Post # 10
wow, my iffy friend just DECLINED; turns out she felt slighted because a mutual friend we have let it out she got an invitation, my iffy friend did not, I sent her one week after, oh well, what can yuo do, can’t make everyone happy
Post # 11
I’m so sorry but this makes me laugh! If nothing else you have solidified that she certainly is your "iffy" friend. A wedding of 50 is romantic… stick to your nearest and dearest
I would say we all have our own version of the iffy friend.
Post # 12
Ha ha, I know what you mean, I definitely have my own ‘iffy’ friend list. Some fall into the category of people who would miss a casual event but not something as serious as a wedding, some might, in all honesty, flake on even that! When push comes to shove if they are close friends I can’t see excluding them without a lot of hurt feelings. I feel like there will always be no-shows – even the most solid friend might get a stomach flu that morning or something. So budget-wise it’s just a fact of life, as long as it’s only a couple of people.
Post # 13
true, I was a little hurt she snubbed my wedding but shows me she really is an iffy friend after all, real friends would be there for you and put aside slights