(Closed) Do you invite close but iffy friends?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: would you invite a great friend who has a 75% show up rate?
    no, it's a waste of money if shes a no show : (4 votes)
    17 %
    of course, the more the merrier! : (16 votes)
    70 %
    sorry can't help you, tough one : (3 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    I think most people understand that weddings come at considerable expense, and that RSVPing for one is a serious statement of intent to attend- a little different from missing a more casual affair at the last minute.  If you think she won’t take it seriously, maybe talk to her?  Explain that you would be THRILLED to have her there, but your caterer, florist, venue, etc. all require an accurate headcount to set up properly, so you need to make sure she is really able to clear the date in her busy schedule, and that you will understand if it’s not possible.  Obviously don’t phrase it "are you going to skip out like all the other times".  😛

    Post # 4
    Member
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    If she’s your friend and you want her there, I would invite her. Things come up and plans have to be canceled, but wedding are a little different. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    This is tough.  I’m glad Lilivati suggested talking to her, because I was thinking that.  I don’t know if it’s proper etiquette to invite someone, then call them to ask if they really mean it.  And talk to them about how important it is, or costly it is to pay for them, then have them not show…. But if she is a close friend I think I would explain that to her.  Obviously she has a habit of doing this, and either doesn’t understand, or doesn’t care the impact that has on others.

    It is hard because she’s close enough to you that you probably feel like it would be hurtful not to invite her.  And if she does show up, you’ll be glad you did.  Sometimes for friends, I think it’s fine to come out with it and say how you feel, regrdless of whether or not it’s proper. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would invite her!  Then just confirm her attendance before sending your final headcount to the caterer.  Make sure she’s aware that you can’t cancel her seat if she’s saying she’ll be there.  If she’s single, she may not know what a big deal it is to RSVP and then SHOW UP!  (I know I didn’t!)

    Post # 7
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee

    Just make sure she RSVPs.  If she’s not able to come you will know, so you (hopefully) won’t end up wasting money.

    Post # 9
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I have a list of "people who might bail."  It’s not that these people are not hugely important in my life, important to me, love to death, etc.  I just know how they work–and don’t judge them on it!

    So, when one of those people RSVPs "yes," I’ll give them a quick call a few days before my final catering count to check on their plans (in a nice way of course).   And, by the same token, if one of them says "no," I’ll call and see if there’s anything I can do to help them out.  

    Some people not consumed by wedding madness just don’t understand how much RSVPs matter.  Just let it go, invite her/him/them even if you know they might flake out–if they’re important to you!

    Post # 11
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2008

    I’m so sorry but this makes me laugh!  If nothing else you have solidified that she certainly is your "iffy" friend.  A wedding of 50 is romantic… stick to your nearest and dearest

    I would say we all have our own version of the iffy friend.

    Post # 12
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    Ha ha, I know what you mean, I definitely have my own ‘iffy’ friend list. Some fall into the category of people who would miss a casual event but not something as serious as a wedding, some might, in all honesty, flake on even that! When push comes to shove if they are close friends I can’t see excluding them without a lot of hurt feelings. I feel like there will always be no-shows – even the most solid friend might get a stomach flu that morning or something. So budget-wise it’s just a fact of life, as long as it’s only a couple of people.

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