Post # 1
I have a feeling this might turn into a hot topic but I really am wondering about this-
My son is about to turn 6 in June and we are planning his birthday party. He is in kindergarten and getting his first real friends. He is a super social kid and does not have any “enemies” in his class. His Kindergarten class consists of around 20 kids and most of them are well behaved, kind children. I volunteer in his classroom once a week and there is two little boys who are…..kinda horrible. I feel bad saying that but really, one of them is just an outright bully and the other follows him in suit. I’ve seen this kid point blank bully the severly autistic child in the class and was horrified at how mean he was. I really, really don’t want these kids at my sons party. Also there is a few kids who have behavior charts. Now I know that a behavior chart does not mean ‘bad kid’ but a 1-2 or these behavior chart kids are very easily angered have super bad tantrums (Like teacher has to clear the class out of the room type tantrum) The last thing I want is this to happen at the party.
I wasn’t planning on inviting the whole class but I am inviting all the boys and 2 girls but those two bullies. I am slipping the invites into each kids folder when I help out next. Has anyone had to deal with this? What’s your stance on inviting the whole class?
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
EllasGrace20: All or none. They may be monsters but being left out of a party is not going to make their behavior get any better. If their parents do accept the invitation then I would keep an eye on the boys and ask them to leave if they misbehave. They may behave better around their parents and only show off at school. (Or their parents are just as bad, unfortunately.) But not inviting them when you’re inviting the rest of the class pretty much invites them to bully or harass your child because they are upset or disappointed by not being invited too.
Post # 3
EllasGrace20: It’s ok to invite a small number, but I don’t think it’s ok to invite all the boys except 2. That’s a bit too obvious that you’re excluding them.
We always did invites discretely, and outside of school when possible, e.g. I would give the invite to the parent (almost always the mother) myself while we were waiting to collect them.
I think an “invite the whole class” rule is over-the-top, especially since I always kept party sizes small. I guess a school can stop you handing out invitations at school, but it can’t stop you doing it outside school, just like they can’t tell you who to invite on playdates.
Post # 4
I don’t think you have to invite the whole class. That will also be alot of 5-6 year olds for you to monitor – hopefully you will have help! I also think that you shouldn’t single out those two boys only who won’t get invited. They will find out about it. I would probably trim down the number of boys that you are inviting.
But I do like the fact that you will be discrete about the invites.
Post # 5
My parties were always limited to 8 to 10 children (besides me) – I was allowed to decide who I wanted to invite. It’s a small enough percentage of a classroom that there’s never any question of “why weren’t some children invited”. We mailed invites – they were always playmates I knew well so we just kept the invites out of school all together.
I will do the same thing for my children. No need to have a huge party!
Post # 6
Schools where I live wont let kids bring invites unless there is one for the wwhole class or all the boys/girls. It can be damaging to leave kids out and I think you should invite thr class.
Post # 7
Why would you have to invite a whole class? I am sorry have things changed that much? It is fine to invite a small bunch and the invites should be mailed not handed out in class.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t invite these . The all or none rule in this case is BS. You are not inviting the whole class, you are just inviting some of them. If you HAVE to invite these two boys then shouldn’t you also HAVE to invite all the girls?
I however do not think that you should hand out the invites in their school folders. You need to deliver these yourself adn explain that you could not invite everyone in class. Word will spread quick if they are in the folders and those that did not get an invite in teir folder will feel excluded.
Post # 9
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
EllasGrace20: At that age, all! We did not start being selective until 2nd or 3rd grade.
Post # 10
I like reading these very different replies. I feel torn. The mama bear inside of me wants to very much not invite those two boys because acting sh*tty will just not fly in this world and let me give you your first lesson for being an a**hole. <–(Okay, maybe that’s a little intense. I just can’t get the picture out of my head of them torturing that poor disabled kid)
The soft mama in me wants to invite everyone. I hate seeing anyone left out. I feel like maybe I can be that one adult in those kids lives who actually gives them a chance, ya know?
To clarify better there is around 4 boys I am debating on not inviting. There would be around 13 or so not invited in the class.
Also with the folder thing I am the only one who has the folders. I put their homework/class work in there and put them in the backpacks. So none of the kids would know about the invites.
Post # 11
EllasGrace20: My mom had a rule, it was all the girls, the whole class, or a very specific number that was less than half the class (or our age – something like that).
IMO, at that age, singling out children as ‘bad kids’ or excluding them on purpose only feeds the bad behaviour. They will act out because they feel like outcasts and are outcast because they act out.
ETA – the kids may not see the invites the day you pass them out but you can bet your butt that they’ll be talking about it the next day, it won’t be a secret at all.
Post # 12
I agree with a lot of the pp’s…all or none. I understand your hesitation with inviting the “bullies”, but I feel like you wouldn’t be setting the proper example if you didn’t. Like MsGinkgo said, I feel like you’d be feeding that bad behavior if you excluded just these 2 boys. You never know, this may bring your son and these 2 boys closer.
Before making your decision I would check with his classroom teachers. They may have a certain policy when it comes to things like this. I’m a preschool teacher and in our class it’s all or none. Though in my nephew’s classroom (in a different town) he can pick and choose.
Post # 13
I always invited everyone even people I didn’t like because that’s what everyone else always did. Funny enough this just gave me a flashback to 5th grade when a girl was having a party and only invited 4 girls she was close to and another girl got mad because she wasn’t invited and there was a note fiasco. The teacher found out and told her that she wasn’t allowed to bring invitations to school unless she had one for everybody. She also made her bring invitations for everyone the next day. I personally would invite them because even though they may not see them till they get home, they will almost definitely all be talking about it the next day and the two will find out they weren’t invited and that may cause problems. Just keep an eye on them at the party and if anything happens make them leave immediately.
Post # 14
I personally would only invite a few of his closest friends. Inviting everyone but 2 kids just seems cruel, even if they are bullies.
In this area you are required to invite the entire class if you bring invites to your child’s school.
Post # 15
When I was growing up my mother gave me three options:
- Invite a small select group
- Invite all the girls
- Invite the whole class
I get that you don’t like these kids, but I think it is wrong to so obviously exclude them. And, honestly, I think it could contribute to their bullying behavior getting even worse if they feel excluded. So I would cut the list down to maybe half the boys in the class or invite all the boys.