Post # 1
Asking advice from the hive about breastfeeding: is it an okay choice to decide to use formula?
Background: Tonight, we were at dinner with FI’s sister who is pregnant. She was complaining about breastfeeding since she only gets the standard 6 weeks mat leave and her husband will be home with the baby more than her when she goes back to work. I mentioned supplementing with formula so she wouldn’t have to worry about keeping her milk supply up as the exclusive nutrition- I honestly didn’t mean to offend her, but she got super annoyed with me and said that I didn’t get it and that breastfeeding is best. I told her that I agreed with her (of course) but we still left dinner on an awkward note. Later in the car, my Fiance asked if I would breastfeed our kids and I said probably not because I was not breastfed and I am healthy with no allergies, as is my older brother. He got upset with me- apparently he thinks breastfeeding is ‘hot’ and he always expected that I would want to if I was pregnant. I don’t think he would ever force me to, but how can he even understand? Also, why is anything involving breasts so sexualized? I feel super stressed now about something that I didn’t expect would even be discussed now for quite sometime and my Fiance is already acting like I am a bad mom.
Post # 2
daisy92: I don’t judge as I am an RN and I know that there are a lot of reasons that women are not able to, or choose not to breastfeed. Don’t kid yourself though, there will be others who do.
I suggest the two of you get some education about breastfeeding so you can make an informed decision, then support each other in whatever decision you make.
Post # 3
I can’t imagine judging a mother on a personal choice like that. There are many reasons for women choosing not to breastFeed.
Post # 4
daisy92: I’ll admit that my knee-jerk reaction to formula-feeding used to be a little judgemental, because breastfeeding is definitely the healthier choice. However, there are so many reasons why breastfeeding doesn’t work for some people, and judging them for that is just stupid. Some women have a lot of trouble breastfeeding no matter how badly they want to and some just may not want to- and they shouldn’t have to. As long as the baby’s needs are being met, it really shouldn’t matter to other people. I do think the “breastfeeding is ‘hot'” attitude from your fiance is a little weird and NOT a good enough reason for you to breastfeed. My husband and I are expecting and we took a breastfeeding class and it was awesome; we both learned a lot. Perhaps when the time comes you and your partner could take one as well to help you decide. I wouldn’t stress about it just yet.
Post # 5
daisy92: I have no idea why this is such a hot topic TBH. Some women can’t breastfeed for a number of reasons. Yes, breastfeeding is best if possible, but there have been plenty of people who were bottle fed and lived to tell about it! I think that you should definately wait until you are actually pregnant to decide which choice is best for you and baby.
I’d also tell your husband that breast feeding being “hot” will not be a consideration in the informed decision making process O_o
Post # 6
daisy92: Generally no, I would not judge. If someone said ‘I can’t be bothered with the hassle of breastfeeding’ without having tried then I might wonder about that but if they are the type of person to become stressed etc. by it then it’s probably the best choice for them and baby. I do find it a bit odd that your Fiance wants you to breastfeed because it’s ‘hot’. For what it’s worth I was not breastfed and I am healthy but I am keen to give it a go when I have kids. If it doesn’t work out for me then I will have no qualms about giving the baby formula.
Post # 7
I guess I was just surprised because I have never judged anyone for using formula. I know a lot of women get very militant about breastfeeding online, but I didn’t think I knew anyone IRL that felt like that. I used to be a cashier at Target and lots of people buy formula, so it can’t be that uncommon
Post # 8
Bridey77: Seriously! I can’t believe he said that. He said with other woman it creeps him out but with me he would find it attractive that I nourish a baby. However, that just creeps me out! I would not want feeding a baby to be sexualized at all.
Post # 9
MrsAKSkier: Thank you! I appreciate that you agree it shouldn’t matter as long as the baby’s needs are met. I’ve been reading a lot of forums tonight about the choice to Boyfriend or Best Friend vs Formula online and so many women are totally mean to women who decide not to Boyfriend or Best Friend for whatever reason.
Post # 10
There are literally hundreds of reasons why a woman can’t or won’t breastfeed. What people feed their babies with isn’t my business. I don’t give a crap how you feed your kid as long as they are healthy.
Post # 11
I am currently breastfeeding my 8 month old son. He has never had formula. That said, I don’t judge a woman if she decides to formula feed.
The women I have a problem with, and there seem to be a lot of them, are the ones who say that they “tried” breastfeeding, but it just didn’t work, they didn’t have any milk, the baby wouldn’t latch . . . and after only a few days completely gave up. Nobody said breastfeeding was going to be easy, especially in the first few weeks.
I know there are some woman who cannot breastfeed, but that is only a very small percentage. I think some of these woman that I’ve encountered may have felt pressure to breastfeed and were not committed to it and at the first difficulty, switched to formula. This really annoys me – if you choose to bottle feed, go right ahead, I have no problem with that, but when you give up after a feeble attempt and let everyone know that breastfeeding didn’t work, it makes other women more uncertain of their ability to breastfeed when the time comes.
Post # 12
Monny: so you do judge women who use formula then!
As long as the baby is healthy and getting the nutrients they need it is none of my business what the parents choose to feed it.
Post # 13
daisy92: Hot? EWWWW! NOOOO It’s not! It’s not sexual!!!!!! Erk.
I find in Australia there is a hell of a lot of judgement about Mums choosing not to breastfeed, in fact, it seems it’s not a choice here. I feel horribly sorry for Mums who couldn’t (my Mum lasted 6 weeks and gave that up). But a choice is a choice and every Mum should get one!
Breastfeeding in general seems problematic in Aus – You should see the debates we get about breastfeeding in public! It is seriously every other day. I don’t care as long as there’s not a massive boob in my face! LOL. It’s almost always done discreetly. 🙂
Personally, I am really uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding when I have my own kid, but apparently that changes when you have the kid…. But it freaks me out! :S So who knows, I might choose not to breastfeed, but I don’t see that as being an option…
Post # 14
I think what Monny: was trying to say was that she wants people to own that they just gave up or didn’t want to try, instead of just blaming ie: baby, milk supply etc…….I think? 😛
Post # 15
Mommi.ta: maybe they wouldn’t feel like having to provide an excuse if people like her didn’t judge so easily. It is no ones business why end of story. The fact that women feel like they have to have a valid excuse about something that is a choice is the problem and comments like monny’s are the reason.