(Closed) Do you judge moms who choose not to breastfeed?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 121
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

The comments here are exactly why women have such a hard time as new moms. Assuming that the kid gets fed and is not neglected…

It doesn’t matter if the sole reason a woman doesn’t want to breastfeed is because she is afraid it will make her boobs weird/gross/whatever. That’s 100% as legitimate a reason as ” she had a hard time”… because no mom should have to justify her choice to anyone on this issue.

The fact that on any given day in a WB thread 95% of women on this site are screaming that it is a womans choice, a woman’s body, etc and then can come on this thread saying that a woman’s body is not a legitimate reason to not want to Boyfriend or Best Friend is astounding.

Seriously? Where is the logic in that? Either it is a woman’s body and choice, or it isn’t. If her choice is that she doesn’t want to because she is afraid it will make her nipples look strange, or that she tried for 6 weeks and her and baby were exhausted– they are both legitimate reasons.


Post # 122
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

kes18:  ya I guess is sort of like that (with the fat) but I had a friend whose doctor told her that her milk was more like “watery skim milk” (after having hellish issues feeding and the baby… was just NOT satisfied EVER…basically on a perma-clusterfeed for weeks and weeks :s

I’m not sure exactly what happened or why/what the issue was , but she ended up needing to suppliment in formula because whatever she was producing just wasnt (I dont want to say “enough” because its not like she ran out) but wasnt sufficeint? Im not sure how to put it. I’d have to ask her what was wrong because it was a long while ago but thats just the jist of what I heard, I didnt really pry for the deets…. the baby was just not satisfied with her milk for whatever reason (maybe nutrients isnt the right word to say she was lacking, but in reality neither of us know that either). (Im sure this isnt a common thing but hey…… I guess it can happen)

Either way, the point is there’s lots of reasons why moms end up HAVING to use formula whether they want to or not, so I dont think anyone should judge.

Post # 123
9811 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

shanbp:  Yeah, I suppose their could be other reasons for less fat…I’ve heard certain things in your diet can increase the fat so I imagine some diets/bodies might not produce enough.  The fat is definitely the part that satisfies the baby and causes growth so it’s important.  I’m glad you were talking about the fatty layer because I’d never heard of it not containing enough nutrients!

Post # 124
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

kes18:  ya it must have been the fat she was talking about. The doctor told her to try drinking beer to see if it would help lol. (Although I have heard a bunch of other women mention that too)

Post # 125
11746 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

FemShepN7:  agreed! I just think it’s unfair if someone judges you for not Boyfriend or Best Friend because you want your perky boobs to stay that way but doesn’t judge someone for Boyfriend or Best Friend because they want to lose the baby weight faster.

for what it’s worth, i was pretty meh about Boyfriend or Best Friend (I didn’t find it gross but just didn’t care about it one way or the other) until I had my baby. I said I’d try it and see how it went/if I enjoyed it. Once we got through the initial painful part, I have really come to love it! Not that everyone has the same experience, but ya never know what will happen! 

Post # 126
707 posts
Busy bee

MrsWBS:  I agree!!!

Your experience makes me feel better! I hope I have a similar experience if/when we have kids. 🙂

Post # 127
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

No, I don’t and won’t judge either way. If anyone judged (future) me for whatever choice I make, I’m pretty sure my reaction at that time in my life would be to punch them in the face. To me what matters in this situation is that the baby is well fed. It doesn’t matter if that’s due to Boyfriend or Best Friend or FF…whatever works for your family. It’s sad that women still can’t support one another’s choices because we always believe our way is “right”. In my thinking, if it’s not my baby or breasts, it’s not my concern. 

Post # 128
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Mrs_Amanda:  But it does matter because there are known benefits to breastfeeding (both nutritive and non-nutritive). Just like we know that in the majority of cases, vaginal birth has benefits over c-section (and we wouldn’t encourage women to opt for an elective c-section without medical reason), the same applies to breastfeeding. I totally believe in a woman’s right to choose when it comes to her body, but at what point do we stop and consider what’s best for baby and a baby’s right to be fed in the biogolically designed way?

Post # 129
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Kemma:  A woman shouldn’t be judged for having an elective c-section either. It is, after all, her choice and it’s still a perfectly viable way to deliver a baby.

Post # 130
2016 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I chose not to breastfeed my daghter but that doesnt make me a bad mother. Never has anyone ever questioned my choice to formula feed. I have always been strong in my desicion and would never let anyone make me feel inferiour to those that breast feed.

Her health hasnt suffered because of it the same as my health didnt suffer because my mum chose not to breastfeed me. My Husband was breast fed and has numerous allergies. 

To the OP, new or expectant mothers will get upset at lots of things, whether the response was warranted or not. I would just apologise for upsetting her regardless of whether you meant to or not and try to move past it. 

As for your partner, i think his response may have been slightly immature but i would hope he would be more open to what you want if you were in the situation. I stand by the thought, if you gave birth to the child, you can have an opinion. (of course the father can have an opinion too but i still stnd by my thought!!) 

Post # 131
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

Kemma:  Do you also stop in Publix and lecture women on giving their 10 year olds sugary drinks vs coconut water? My guess is no. Why not? Because it isn’t any of your damn business.

Just like a woman having a c-section isn’t any of your business, regardless of the circumstance. It. Is. Not. Any. Of. Your. Business. Chances are, you are not a doctor and even if you were, you are not every mother’s doctor on planet Earth, so it still wouldn’t be any of your business.

Just like a woman deciding whether or not to stay home vs. entering back into the workforce after having a child is none of your business.

Just like your statement, “but at what point do we stop and consider what’s best for baby and a baby’s right to be fed in the biogolically designed way?”. YOU don’t get to stop and consider how someone else decides is best to feed their child. The human body is awesome! Guess what else is awesome… modern medicine and science! We don’t have to exclude one to glorify the other. Plenty of- gasp– formula fed babies grow up to be perfectly healthy adults. Plenty of Boyfriend or Best Friend babies also grow up to healthy adults. As long as baby and mommy are healthy and fed, it is a win-win.

The Boyfriend or Best Friend police like to try and scare women into feeling ashamed for making their own decisions, and that’s not OK. As long as you’re taking care of your child, IDGAF if you breastfeed or formula feed from day 1.

Post # 132
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Kemma:  when you use ‘we’ who are you referring to? my OB told me elective scheduled Caesar is slightly safer for the baby and more risky for the mother than vaginal. Further, my current OB is encouraging me to have an elective Caesar with no medical indication. I have some issues with vaginal procedures and she thinks it would be better for my mental health to go Caesar. But even if I did not have those issues I am sure she would support me if I wanted to schedule one. 

I would like to read about the benefits of breast-feeding, nutritionally if you know of any literature? 

Post # 133
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Kemma:  shouldn’t we also consider what’s best for the mother? Believe it or not, she still matters.

Post # 134
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’ve never judged anyone for their choice to breastfeed or not, and I’m even less likely to now that I have a child and have tried it.  I had a long maternity leave and fullly intended to breastfeed for at least that long, but it didn’t work out for us.  My daughter wasn’t gaining weight on my milk alone–either because I wasn’t producing enough or it wasn’t fatty enough, we never figured that out–so I had to start supplementing with formula.  When that happened she started preferring the bottle and I had a hard time getting her to nurse.  I tried pumping and kept that up for several weeks, but was never able to produce much from a pump.  After about three months, after consulting with her pediatrician, I gave up and switched exclusively to formula, since the amount of breastmilk I was able to provide was so small compared to her intake for the day.  So long story short, I believe every person and situation is different, and I’m not going to judge anyone when I can’t know the particulars of their situation.

Post # 135
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

he wont think it’s so hot when your boobs swell up and your nipples leak all the time.


On a serious note….If a woman chooses not to breastfeed without even trying, then yes. I do judge them….

I believe breast is the best you can give your child, and if you’re not even willing to try, even for the first few days, then you’re not putting your child first. You’re putting yourself first.

I started off breastfeeding, managed for 3 months, then had to stop because of medical issues. My daughter then went onto formula, which i wasn’t happy about but couldn’t help.When someone doesn’t even bother to try, that bothers me.

/end rant.


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