(Closed) Do you judge people's engagement timelines?

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Do you judge how long people date before getting engaged?
    Yes, sometimes when people get engaged really fast! : (95 votes)
    45 %
    Yes, sometimes when people date forever before getting engaged! : (14 votes)
    7 %
    Yes-- I have judged people for too fast OR too slow! : (57 votes)
    27 %
    No, I never judge : (40 votes)
    19 %
    Obligatory "other" : (6 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 32
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m guilty of this.

    I usually do if it’s fast, under 1 year. I can’t help it! But I would NEVER say anything. Or big time if either person is under 20. Or if I think the people are immature. 

    Part of this is that I’m very careful, cautious, methodical, so I would never get engaged fast or young. For myself, I would have considered 2 years to be too fast. To each their own, right?

    One couple I know got engaged after ten months though, and I was only excited and happy for them because they really are perfect for each other. But they were both 29 and (I didn’t know this at the time) had known each other for like 15 years. They were just really stable and a great match. 


    @bowsergirl:  THREE WEEKS. I think you were probably not the only one judging there.

    **shocked face** …Did it work out?

    Post # 33
    2819 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’ve never judged anyone getting engaged quickly or having a long engagement, it’s none of my business.

    Post # 34
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I do, particularly really quick engagement, and I don’t think I’m a terrible person for it either. It isn’t as if I go around TELLING people that I think it’s strange to get engaged after 4 months or something like that, but I do.

    I find it a little hard to believe that some people claim to not even bat an eyelash when they hear about it. It doesn’t make you a shitty person, it just means you had a thought or opinion about it. That doesn’t translate to anything unless you’re vocal about it, which I am not. If people want to do that, fine. It isn’t something that affects me. I think having a thought that people might be rushing into something is a very real thought and possibility! I believe in the idea of knowing someone through “all the seasons” so at least 1 year. I do judge less if the couple is older, but I truly do believe in the “1 year rule” that my mom always mentioned. Darling Husband and I dated for several years, personally.

    As far as the other end of the spectrum, I don’t usually care. I don’t think it’s a good idea if the couple is not on the same page about it, as I think it causes tension. But whatever.

    Post # 35
    4047 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @Fizzy8:  They’ve been married for… two years now? They are LDS, so it isn’t uncommon to get married young and quickly, but that was definitely the quickest I’ve seen!

    Post # 36
    1379 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I judge people who get married fast, but not people who get engaged fast. Engagement isn’t legally binding, you know? and I figure if they are not compatible they’re likely to figure it out before the wedding.

    Long engagements aren’t my thing but I see no reason to judge. They’re not hurting anyone.

    Long time to engagement-I only think anything of it if one party is clearly unhappy with the situation.

    Not having premarital sex-not my cup of tea but people have their reasons.

    Not living together before-Again, people have their reasons and some of the not-living together crowd may want to but not be able to because of various logistical reasons. Just food for thought.

    Post # 37
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @bowsergirl:  Wow! Well, hopefully they’re happy together. I suppose it’s possible that they turned out to be a good match in the end. 

    Post # 38
    663 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Yes, unfortunately. I think getting engaged in 6 months or less is not enough time to get to know someone. Just my personal opinion!

    I know someone who got a girl pregnant before they even started dating, got engaged 2 months later, and married 2 months after that… It sounds awful but I don’t really have a lot of respect for decisions like this… I understand mistakes can happen, but still :/

    I’m sorry if this comes off badly!!! I would never normally share this openly, lol

    Post # 39
    2084 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Yeah I’m guilty of the judging whether it’s too fast or too slow. Just something I think in my head then I’m like if they’re happy then that’s all that matters:-/

    Post # 40
    136 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    People judge when they get engaged quickly, people judge when they take too long to get engaged! 

    People will judge no matter what. What works for bride A can’t work for bride B. Many of these things are personal and influence by culture, location and religion. It is best to let people live their lives. 

    Post # 41
    1975 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Im sure people judged Fiance and I as we were only dating for 14 months before the ring (living together for a year).

    I read your question wrong though, I guess I judge people who are engaged with no plans to actually get married. I think its silly. Its not something Im proud of and I know it doesnt affect me but I cant help but think its silly. 

    Post # 42
    482 posts
    Helper bee

    I voted for too fast. But I usually only get judgey when they’re a younger couple. Like 21-22 engaged after 8 months.. instantly thinking why the rush?

    With an older couple it’s understandable.

    Post # 43
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I lost my right to judge after getting engaged 9 months into a relationship and then taking almost 7 years to get down the aisle…

    Post # 44
    2075 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

    It always FELT like I was being judged for taking forever to get engaged; i.e. 6 years. So, I never judge others — as his/her circumstances are unique. It took us this long as I literally have got no life: I work 40 hours and study over 20 hours after work each week. (So, how was he going to romantically propose if I stuck my nose in accounting books all the time?)

    Comments I always received were:
    “Oh, but most engagements happen after the 2 year mark.” (Gee, thanks for your suggested timeline!)
    “Don’t wait until you’re 30.” (Uh, my parents married late too; I turned out okay.)
    “So, has he proposed yet?” (Quick, think of a topic to change into!)
    I got this a lot from Facebook acquaintances: “Are you married yet?” to which I would reply, “Nope, not in a rush.”

    So, when Fiance proposed, the common comments I received were:
    “Finally! He was nearing the 7-year itch!” (Uh, sure…)

    Post # 45
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    No, I don’t judge either way, but then we were engaged after five months, married after 13 months, and I know so many happy couples who were together 7+ years before getting engaged. Each to their own! It does annoy me when people judge but luckily our friends and family have been very happy and supportive. 

    Post # 46
    10713 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’ve never judged anyone on getting engaged fast but I have judged people on waiting years and years. I guess I just wonder what they are waiting for more than ‘judge’ them though. I was engaged to someone else before I was married and both engagements were in less than a year of meeting/dating. I think by a year I’ve known what I wanted in a relationship (actually by 6 months) in every relationship I’ve ever been in. So it feels like something that’s like move forward or move on for me. I just couldn’t wait years to find out what they wanted. lol Everyone is different though.

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