orchidaloha, hey. I hear you on having a narcissistic mom (and as far as parents go, having a narcissistic mother seems much more common; I think narcissism is more common in women in general, though).
My mom’s narcissism is focused around her martyrdom; she works so hard, but gets crapped on (in reality, she refuses sensible help all the way, then insists no one even attempted to help her and things are falling apart anyway and…attention, please!). In her retellings of various stories, everyone around her is a lazy, selfish piece of crap, and she’s a diligent, selfless hard worker. My dad’s her enabler and would allow his family to sit on eggshells while she had one of her usual explosive temper tantrums. No one could ever do anything right, so at a young age, I just stopped helping out around the house. Why bother if you’re just going to get screamed at about how you can’t do anything right?
I hate the bitch. We’re in contact on a limited basis, and she won’t be having much of a relationship with my baby. I am civil and polite to her, but we are not at all close. The extent of our relationship is doing some grocery shopping together. I’ve accepted a superficial relationship. She is much different toward me now that I don’t live with her. If I had to live with her again, I’d sooner tie a noose for myself. It was awful.
My dad’s mom is also a textbook narcissist. While my mom certainly pulled the scapegoat/golden child crap, my grandma takes it to new limits. She’s always hated my dad, but doted on my uncles. They were always complimented every time they visited, given money/gifts/trips/dinners out. Meanwhile, she would sit and criticize my dad, my mom, her grandkids (I was always told that I was fat and ugly…directly in front of my parents, once. They did nothing. Amazing). We were treated like servants. Meanwhile, I had a cousin (another grandson of hers) who was treated as though he was God’s gift to the world. Never did anything for her, but she talked him up like he was amazing.
Had a friend who was also narcissistic. Again, big sense of entitlement, putting people down (especially if he thought they were doing ‘better’ than he was). Looking back on our friendship, he was miserable if he thought I was doing better (and again, would insult me, my accomplishments, etc.). Expected a parade any time he farted, practically. Don’t miss him a bit.