(Closed) Do you know anyone who seems to be perpetually single?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

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@Shina:  If I hadn’t met Fiance, that would so be me. They sound awesome and glamorous. Now I’ll go try not to feel wistful haha

Post # 33
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@housebee:  ๐Ÿ™‚ this is such a cute story!!!! 

Post # 34
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1516 posts
Bumble bee

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@QuirkySocialite:  They are pretty glamorous!  They are always traveling somewhere new and exotic, and are also really into volunteering and helping poor people in 3rd world countries (one of them went to Israel, Costa Rica, and Cambodia THIS year!)  For single people, they are not that self-absorbed and are very generous with their money & resources with their family.  Yeah I hear you.  If I didn’t care so much about marriage & having a family, FI’s sisters would definitely be awesome role models for living the fun adventurous single life!

Post # 35
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1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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@MrsTillerResq:  That is a shame, but I certainly understand the impulse.  I would continue to encourage him in that direction.  Serious self-esteem issues cannot be fixed by “the right person.”  People with serious self-esteem issues do not generally draw in “the right person” because they are not engaging in healthy habits and, if by some stroke of luck they do draw in the right person, eventually their unhealthy habits and need of “fixing” will drive that person away from them. 

Post # 36
Member
2807 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

my aunt. she’s been single for probably 18 years. i don’t think she’s been on a date in at least 15 years. her last relationship was horrible, and i think she was scarred for life.

my brother is also single. but, he’s only 23. he has time.

Post # 37
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, I know two: both women. They are both beautiful, educated, driven and intelligent. However one, a close friend, is shrill and belligerent. All the time. I think she started behaving that way as a defense mechanism and now, she can’t seem to turn it off. Also, in her culture/family, being a “strong” woman is prized and I believe she interprets that to mean that she must be as disagreeable as possible. I feel sad for her when she mopes around doing the whole “woe is me, when will I ever find a man” spiel. But on the other hand, everyone around her can see that any man who would be interested in her or begin to pursue her (as she is STUNNING) is immediately turned off when they notice her attitude. She briefly dated a guy she met through me and ran him off in her usual manner. She was crying to me, not understanding why he left her and she was saying [and I quote] “I didn’t even really do anything! I just cussed him out. But that’s what I do, O. I cuss people out. He should be able to handle that.” Ok. She soothes herself by saying “I’m single because most men can’t handle a strong woman,” which…sounds nice. But in my opinion, it’s more accurate to say that most men can’t handle a woman who likes to argue about everything and takes pleasure in emasculating them. I hope she meets someone who is compatible with her, I really do. But I’ve never in life met a man who would put up with that. 

The other is a nice girl, but doesn’t have her head on straight. She makes terrible decisions and prefers to be in a relationship, ANY relationship to improving herself to the point that she can actually attract the kind of man she wants. She has wonderfully high standards for a future husband (which I admire), but when she’s honest with herself, she has to admit that this dream man of hers wouldn’t be caught dead with the woman she presently is.

Post # 38
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I have a friend (one of my bridesmaids) who constantly perplexes me. She hasn’t had a boyfriend since grade 10. And since then… she has not gone on a SINGLE date. Literally. It is the most bizarre thing.

She is BEAUTIFUL, super into fitness/health, very independent (obviously), motivated, career oriented, ambitious and all around awesome. She is ultra shy and just can’t really relate to guys so I think that’s part of it. But everyone is always so confused. Because not only is she eternally single, she is never even dating/talking with/interested in guys. It is wild.

Right now she says once her career is where she wants it to be she will focus on finding a husband. But I feel like after being on her own SO long, it will be hard for her to adapt to life in a relationship. She seems genuinely happy right now and it doesn’t seem like there is a void there for her so I’m not worried about her… I’m sure the right person will come along when she’s ready and the time is right. But if I was a boy I would snag her up!

Post # 39
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My younger brother is single and 23, always has been. He really needs a girl to whip his ass into shape. I’ve decided that I’ll never have blood nieces or nephews because I really don’t see him ever getting married or moving out of his cave in my parents house for that matter.

Post # 40
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@MrsTillerResq:  2 of my gf’s are single, but they are in their 20’s still, lol. one has a child, 10mo old. one just seems to whine alot about how unfair it is. Unfortunatly, my advice goes on deaf ears, or is rebuffed. I met my SO on pof, so online is the way to go. I also read alot of self help books about online dating the alot of ther interesting things.

I’d say read through a relationship book to get started and see where it leads. Online dating is where alot of couples meet. Or, they could try meetup.com if you seek to get them out of the house. But, thats all i have, sorry

Post # 41
Member
11532 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@Overjoyed:  So true! There are many people who do not yet understand that they need to become  the right person in order to find the right person.  I also agree about some single women who have become so extreme in their own personalities that there is no room whatsoever for a man to enter their lives. They would never begin to think of having to change for the good of the relationship.  In fact, some of them are not at all aware that this needs to happen.

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@mu_t:  Your friend may surprise you. I was pretty darn independent after being single until my mid 40s. However, after marrying my DH, I had to adapt to being a part of a “we” instead of a “me.” I married a man who has four kids (though two are adults), and I had to change more than I ever could have even imagined. However, it’s been worth it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 42
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have a friend who’s been single forever, but I think her expectations of how she should get into a relationship are waaaaayyyy too high. 

Like, every single romantic asian drama combined into one (and those dramas are ROMANTIC).

And I was single for a long time, too–I had a couple short term relationships but I was genuinely too busy with working 1-2 jobs, leading a school satellite project, and going to school for engineering full time.  I saw my boyfriends maybe like once a month and we all got tired of it, one of them said it didn’t feel like he even had a girlfriend (mean!).  I decided to not date until I was done since that comment really stuck with me.  I met DH about 2 months before I finished but started dating him the first week after I graduated ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 43
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsTillerResq:  My cousin who is the same age as me (31) has never ever to my knowledge had a boyfriend or significant relationship. It is sooooo weird beacuse she is really attractive and outgoing. As far as advice for perpetually single people, well I don’t offer unsolicited advice to anyone, especially not on such a potentially touchy subject matter.

Post # 44
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsTillerResq:  yeah…where I live I’m friends with nearly a dozen single girls in their 30s who are pretty, smart, educated, friendly and fun. There are no eligible men in sight! It’s the oddest thing! Send them my way and I’ll set them up on dates! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 45
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That was me until I met H.  I was single from age 24 to 37, and only went out on a few dates in that whole time – nothing even remotely serious.  I was convinced that something was seriously wrong with me – I mean, why couldn’t I have a boyfriend?  And I had SO many single girlfriends in the same spot.  I so WANTED to be in a relationship leading to marriage.

But I didn’t like myself very much.  I was convinced that I must be fat and unattractive and that’s why no one wanted me.  A couple things happened.  First, I started spinning at the gym.  I really loved it and it made me feel good about myself.  Second, I broke out of my normal social group of single ladies and gay guys.  Obviously they were still my friends, but I decided I needed to meet new people in real life (the online thing had never worked for me, although I gave it many, many chances).  So I started hanging out at the bar across the street from my condo.  I made friends with the bartenders and the owner, felt very comfortable going there by myself, and met a ton of people from my neighborhood.  It’s an Italian restaurant with a gorgeous outdoor patio and bar, so attracts a lot of local professionals.  I actually ended up dating a guy that I met there for a few months – we had just decided to be friends when I met H, also at the bar!  

I figure I must have been exuding confidence, because I sure didn’t look that great – I would always go hang out on Tuesday nights with the same crowd after spin class.  I had showered, but no makeup, hair in a bun, etc.  H started talking to me, bought me a drink, asked for my number, and 11 months and 6 days later we were married.  I joke that it’s the marriage bar because about a dozen couples have met there, some now engaged and married, some with kids.

Post # 46
Member
7365 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yes. Several. I tell them (if they ask me for advice) that it is simply out of their control. Dating is all about timing. Sometimes you may meet someone who on paper looks right, but if its the wrong time in either of your lives its not going to work.

As a PP stated, some people have expectations that just simply don’t make sense. If you’re of a certain age, living in an urban area, to think that you going to meet that man with no kids, no baggage, high income, in shape, all his hair, Harvard educated etc. The chances aren’t impossible for they probably are very, very slim. So IMO you have to be willing to compromise on somethings. I know one girl can barely get a date, but she is adament that when she gets engaged she will not accept less than 2 carets. Really sweetheart? How about you get a 2nd date first then worry about the c’s okay…

Also, some just repeatedly make bad choices. They are so desperate to be coupled up they have little to no standards and just accept any kind of behavior, which is silly. I feel bad for them, only because they feel bad about it. Grass is always greener I suppose. 

 

 

 

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