(Closed) Do you like children?

posted 5 years ago in No Kids
Post # 61
Member
3057 posts
Sugar bee

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barbie86 :  I suppose that people want to say that you can be CFBC and yet like most kids. Equally you can be a parent and yet dislike all kids except your own.

It’s nice to know that neither those CFBC or those who choose to be parents have to be pigeonholed in any way.  We can be free of stereotypes and make our own choices based on personal preferences.

As for my opinions, as I am a parent I guess that on this forum I’d be better to keep my opinions to myself.

Post # 62
Member
5528 posts
Bee Keeper

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Butterfly6 :  um, no, the question was ‘CFBC bees, do you like children?’. On the ‘No kids’ board. Rather different. 

Post # 63
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

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Butterfly6 :  It is a public board.  Mothers and would-be mothers cannot be prevented from posting.  Likewise, CF women cannot be prevented from reminding some people that their voice and perspective are not always relevant or interesting and may constitute an attempt at erasure of the voice of CF women.

I’d like to say that I think this is a very helpful and important conversation for the CF women of WB to have with one another.  Given the fact that so many online communities designed specifically for the CF community are quite anti-children as a concept–enough so that I imagine a person who was CF despite not minding children (or even disliking them but not willing to be active in expressing that distaste) might have a crisis of confidence over whether she was really CF enough or whether being CF requires one to actively be nasty about children–it’s nice to see a group of CF women sharing their experiences in a way that shows that CF women have varied attitudes toward children.

I’d like to add a related question to the OP: did any of the CF women here who don’t mind children ever tell people you didn’t like them just to get them to leave you alone about your CF decision?  I used to say I didn’t like children when I was younger both to get people to leave me alone and because I didn’t yet have the understanding required to accurately articulate my opposition to parenthood.  I confess that I still tell some of my relatives that I don’t like children because I am afraid that in trying to explain myself more accurately I’ll just get told “see, you’re changing your mind” and that’s just too infuriating to deal with, LOL.

Post # 64
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

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justagirlfirst :  I don’t love most children but I do agree with your comment. If a child is extremely bratty, the parents are USUALLY a 100% worse. 

OP, I only like well behaved children. They’re absolutely adorable, when I was a girl scout leader, I had a blast sitting down and coloring with them. But they were also extremely well behaved kids, I don’t want kids but they’re well behaved, I can deal with that. Now the horrible, bratty kids, UGHHH I hate them SOO MUCH and I want to slap the F out of their parents. It makes me hate people even more lol they allow these bratty kids throw temper tantrum and instead of telling their kid ‘that’s wrong, if you keep doing this, we’re leaving’ they just try to bribe their kids! What I despise is how some children act towards other adults! And their parents allow that disrespect. It just kills me. 

So basically, ocassionally, I like little kids but it’s very rare that little kids/babies don’t make me extremely uncomforable. Which is VERY RARE. Most of the time, I do not like bad horrible sticky little people that are most kids and I blame their parents lol.

Post # 65
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

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StacyLynn313 :  LOL THIS IS MOSTLY ME! I mean I faked it when I was a girls scouts leader but I only had to do that for 20 minutes a day. (Don’t ask me how I got roped into it). Which I had fun with but then again I had 2 other girls who loved children helping me out. I mostly just sat down, did my own thing and conversed about crayons.

Most of the time, when little kids come near me, I kind of freeze up. My Future Mother-In-Law plopped my soon to be niece in my arms and told me I need to learn how to hold a baby. As soon as I could, I handed her over to my Future Father-In-Law who was in tears laughing. I had no idea what to do. I mean they’re cute and all, I like their little hands and they have cool reflexes but kids/babies make me uncomfortable.

The ones who act like little adults though, they’re cool, I like them. 

Post # 66
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

To respond to those of you who are saying this is a public board…this actually happens a lot…”well intentioned” women who are moms pop in on here to say “hey, but when they are YOUR OWN KIDS, it’s different!  Try it!  Have a kid!!!”.  It literally happens all the time.  I am not saying everyone who is a parent does it, but it has happened to me on these boards probably 3-4 times already, and I’m not even solidly CFBC, I’m sitting on the fence.

It IS a public board, sure, but notice how CFBC people do not go into the pregnancy boards or the parenting boards or the TTC boards and say “HEY you’ll regret having a kid, so don’t do it!”  They would be mauled!  Yet, “well intentioned” people come in here not fully understanding the choice many people have made to be CFBC and try to convince us that having kids is the “only” way we will truly know and understand love.  I mean…that’s pretty damn rude.  I don’t judge people for choosing to have kids and I expect the same in return.

Post # 67
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Honestly, I enjoy kids for the most part. It’s the responsibilities that come along with it that I don’t care for. Raising a child is expensive and serious business! I consider myself (and my husband) an all-around good person, but what if I still end up with a shit head for a child? I would always question and guilt myself about it. Not to mention the practicalities of having a child, like not getting a good night’s rest for years or not being able to bring them to a bar or my dog not getting a long with the child (because then I feel I’ve failed my dog). My husband and I are happy with the lifestyle we have and don’t feel like we’re missing out by not raising children or anything so we’re happy doing our thing and occasionally visiting other people’s children haha.

Post # 68
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m not child free anymore exactly but I enjoy the child free boards and their mentality so I like to read here. I’m sure I will love my own child when it gets here but I dislike 98% of children. I like polite children that are nice and well behaved. I’ve met a few lovely polite young teenagers recently who I just looked at and thought wow I hope you go far in life but I also meet so many horrible little brats with no manners and horrible personalities who I just think wow what sort of adult will you be!? I am dreading the point that I have to join play groups because I will have a really hard time with the lack of manners and discipline. I went with a friends 2 year old recently and I was shocked at the amount of hitting, pushing, throwing food, spitting, biting (seriously biting) that went unrepremanded. I’m not saying be Stalin but at least correct the behaviour or they will never learn what is right and wrong. I think the issue with some children is parents who feel having children is a right and because it’s their right to have children those little darlings can do whatever they like. It’s a privilege that you chose and by choosing it you take responsibility for turning that baby in to an upstanding member of society, not a little brat. 

Post # 69
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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mrswhitecat :  My extensive experience in childcare both in and out of a classroom with kids birth to 18 is the main reason I don’t want kids. I’m amazing with kids, when I left my last job parents were crying and saying they hoped it didn’t work out with Fiance so I’d come back and work with their kids. As soon as I walk into any of my FI’s family events I quickly have at least one kid thrown into my arms, but then we leave and get to go home to our quiet house 😉

Post # 70
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t especially like other people’s kids unless they are somehow related to me (so my cousins’ kids), but I really, really love all my cousins’ kids. I’m biased, of course, but they are all kind, smart, well-behaved, and so stinkin’ adorable. I hope this bodes well for my future as a mom, lol. Most kids I see out and about in the course of my day-to-day life just seem loud and bratty, though.

Post # 71
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t necessarily dislike children. I like them ok, depending, sometimes, in small doses. I just don’t want to… keep one. I am looking forward to one day being an aunt. I just don’t have that… thing that many people have. Like, there are a lot of babies at work, and when someone brings theirs in, there’s always a huge rush to go see them and cooing and awwing and all that. And I just don’t feel it. Not interested.

Now, if it were a PUPPY…

 

Post # 72
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I am CFBC and no, I don’t like kids.

In my experience they are at best accidentally irritating, at worst they can be deliberately goading. I am not one for bodily fluids so seeing kids with runny noses and spit hanging off their chins makes me gag. Even with the most attentive parents they get dirty. Also I don’t know if this is just me but they have a smell, sort of sweet like rotting apples. 

However we were all this way at one point so I am pleasant to children when around them, although grateful that this isn’t often.

Post # 73
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Children are a product of their environment so I don’t dislike or blame kids for their behaviours, I blame or dislike their parents for teaching them that it is acceptable behaviour (barring kids with medical conditions or disabilities etc). Even teenagers, they have been taught through their parents that their behaviour will be tolerated when it shouldn’t be.

My friends and siblings call me the kid whisperer. But I don’t think I have these amazing skills that parents don’t have I just use commonsense, treat the child with respect and speak to them like a human being (which a lot of parents unfortunately don’t) and have a take no shit attitude. You don’t want spaghetti for dinner well guess what too bad because my kitchen isn’t an al a carte restaurant. Eat it or go hungry.

Too many parents give in to their childrens demands. Whilst there are certainly things that you should encourage your child to make decisions about, there are also things that they should be told and they shoukd be respectful and do it. The amount of parents I see that ask their kids what they want for dinner rather than telling them is mind blowing. 

Does anyone else also find that the children’s mood/behaviour changes as soon as you take away the parents? I often think the parents are the root of the behaviour problems through their own behaviour problems (whether it be helicopter parenting, confusing the child with asking them to make too many decisions, condoning bad behaviour, lazy ipad/tv parenting).

Post # 74
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee

All my friends have kids as well as all my siblings at this point. Yes I do like them but I also see how much work they are and how much they can get in the way, et cetera. Doesn’t make me super duper want to have kids more or less. 

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