(Closed) Do you like children?

posted 5 years ago in No Kids
Post # 76
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7573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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MarriedToMyWork :  
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mrswhitecat :  I always found using the I don’t like kids line made people worse. They would usually try harder to convince me that kids are really great, that I would like mine better than other people’s, not so much trouble (usually after I had spent half an hour listening to them bemoan parenthood before finding out I’m CFBC) and that I would make a terrific parent because of xyz. 

Post # 77
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1936 posts
Buzzing bee

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Beegritte :  Absolutely! Add to that the fact that pre-teens look and behave so much older than they should be, their clothes and makeup is insane. They lunch, they have the latest phones, and here I am wearing the same outfit 2 days in a row with my Blackberry and my takeaway bagel… Ha. 

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barbie86 :  No, I understand. But for me, this has been a conversation we have been having for years.

I didn’t want a dog. Ever. No way, no how. But my partner is dog mad. We came to the agreement that we would get a dog, but I got to pick him. The dog I chose ticked all the boxes he needed to tick, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him now. It absolutely kills me that he won’t live as long as me. I’m still not a “dog person”, but I’m warming to them. I adore my dog, but I don’t look at other people’s dogs and coo over them. I also don’t look at other people’s children and coo over them. 

Having a dog is everything you just said. It’s amazing, but it’s expensive. Expensive AF. We feed the best food we can source, and he eats a LOT. His weekly food bill is more expensive than ours. He always needs stuff. He rips and chews up toys, which need to be replaced, and he’s a king who has to have the latest and greatest of everything. This dog has a full Back on Track wardrobe including a cover, ankle braces, hock braces, and a bed. He has a cover that massages him. He has seperate bowls for seperate uses, and anything plastic is free of nasties. He has 5 beds, he has several toy boxes full of toys, he has expensive plush blankets, enough harnesses, collars, and leads to make your eyes water, and my doggy first aid box is significantly larger than my human first aid box, to cover anything that may ever happen. I know most of that is choice, but a lot of expenses in child rearing are choices too. 

You’re also right that it takes a lot more time and planning. We don’t go out to eat anymore, unless it is getting something that can be taken out, or the pooch can sit with us outside. When we get dog #2 that will change, but I don’t want to leave my boy at home alone. We don’t go away, either. We can take overseas holidays only if my parents are willing to dog-sit. I don’t want to stay away for too long either, because we need to get home to him. Our lives revolve around the dog, and where we can take him. Every weekend we go on new adventures with him. Sometimes we travel domestically, but that doesn’t involve 5-star hotels anymore. It means finding hotels where dogs are welcome, or booking a bach. It means searching council regulations to make sure we can take him out when we get to where we’re going. It means booking way in advance because dog friendly accommodation books out quickly. And it means being so prepared because if he gets bored and starts whining or barking at night, that is disruptive to other people. 

I don’t like other people’s children, no. I don’t particularly want children, either. But when I list the reasons for not wanting children, some of them are fear based , some relate to my own childhood, but the big reasons are what I have listed above. I already can’t just drop everything and go away. I already spend a huge chunk of my week cleaning because the dog has pulled all his toys out, destroyed something, and there’s fur/mud/sand all through the house. I already plan my weekends and holidays to revolve around someone else. At least with a human child they can come into a restaurant or cafe, or to the movies or the zoo, they can come overseas and can fly domestically (we have to road trip everywhere with the pooch). Human children are generally free to take to the doctor or dentist, unlike the dog which costs a small fortune at the vet. And while a dog is dependent on you for their entire lives, a human child eventually grows up and gains independence. 

We haven’t 100% decided whether or not we will have kids, but that decision is a wee way off – we won’t be baby making for at least 2 more years. I already have a bank account for a potential future child, with a few thousand dollars in it. I contribute to this account weekly, and if we have a kid it will be used for a first car, a house deposit, and school money. If we don’t, it will be a holiday away or something new for the house. 

Sorry I know that is a novel, but just wanted to share kind of where I’m coming from. It’s hard to sum up such a huge life decision in one post, and it’s nearly midnight so I’m kind of tired, so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make much sense. 

Post # 78
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I dont mind children I can stand the well behave ones but the once that have not been raise properly annoy me

Post # 79
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

I don’t like kids. But it’s me, not them, if that makes any sense. Like, kids have many qualities that would be intolerable in an adult – they are selfish, they talk incessantly about things that make no sense, they don’t understand cause and effect. But kids aren’t adults, and I don’t expect them to behave like adults. I just prefer not to spend time around them until they are a little more ripe, say age 9 or 10. At that age they are at the peak of their wonderful imaginations and creativity, but they also understand a little better how to interact with other humans. I don’t know how I’d ever be able to raise a kid to that age, as I find them unbearable before then.

Post # 80
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

I’m a still and quiet person. I like my world the way I like it. Children are a cluster fuck of noise and disruption, well behaved or not. It’s a solid dislike, even if they are related. 

 

Post # 81
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I totally respect a person who chooses not want to have children because they feel they do not have the time or patients for children. Maybe they want to reach the top in their career, or enjoy their spare time alone, reading, running playing tennis or simply with other adult friends. Maybe thay want vacation a lot and enjoy themselves as a couple. Or simply don’t want the expense of children, education cost…  All this is perfect fine, they know what they want, and they to enjoy their life. Not everone see’s the desire in adding to their family. 

I totally understand and respect someone who has put thought into their wants and needs of their life. I wish more people would do this. I really wish more adults who already have children thought like this before deciding to have their children. I feel a lot of parents should not have children. As I do see some mothers/fathers who seem to resent having children, not that they are bad parents but you can see that they crave the single/child free life. I wish they took the time to think clearly and not listened to the peer pressure of “You will regret it when you’re older”

I really do have a hard time when someone right out says “they don’t like kids or hates kids. ” as an “excuse” not to have children.  I just think this is an ignorant reason. I look at people who speak like this as poorly educated, and selfish people.

Maybe I am wrong, but it’s just how I feel when someone says ‘I don’t want kids cause I can’t stand them”

 

Post # 82
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1742 posts
Bumble bee

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justagirlfirst :  For those women it isn’t an excuse.  They simply do not care to be around children.  It is a legitimate position to dislike children/spending time with them for an extended period.  As others have said, children, especially little children, lack self-control, are self-centered, and can be very loud.  Now, most of us understand that even the best-behaved children will have these tendencies because of how they are developing, and I think that most people here have been very clear to say that their dislike of children isn’t a moral thing. In other words, I don’t think that most of the women here who have said they don’t like children think children are morally badthey just don’t find “how children are” to be pleasant and thus wish to limit the time they spend around them.  

(to any other posters: forgive me if I’m misrepresenting your position, and feel free to slap me down if I am)

That’s a very different position, IMO, from being actively nasty to children or having a temper tantrum when one encounters children in public, which are things that are not OK (IMO).  Also, I would encourage you to learn more about the background of many of the women here who have said they do not like children.  They are some of the most educated and thoughful women who regularly post on this site.  Many of them are dedicated to the service of others, either through their careers or their volunteer work.  It is grossly unfair to characterize these women as ignorant and selfish [ETA: in the pejorative sense…as RayKay’s reply reminds me, “selfish” is not always a bad thing].

Post # 83
Member
4811 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

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justagirlfirst :  “I really do have a hard time when someone right out says “they don’t like kids or hates kids. ” as an “excuse” not to have children”

 

Um what? It is not an excuse, it is a genuine reason. Do you really suggest people who do not like or hate kids should have them anyway because, hey, according to you, their reason sucks. What a horrible thing to do to those people and those children. What a selfish thing for you to suggest – because it would make YOU feel better, or because you don’t understand it. 

If someone does not like dogs, or cats, or bunny rabbits, do you suggest they get those too?

P.S. I dislike children. I do not like being around them or spending time with them, even ones related to me. I am also highly educated. I also actuallly volunteer on boards dedicated to improving the lives of families AND children. Some of the work I have done in my career involves child welfare work. Funny that, being able to dislike children but still wanting them – who had no choice to be here – to have a good life. 

Yes, there are things I am selfish about because this is my life, including not wanting to have children when I dislike them or spending time around them. I am responsible for looking out for me. You can’t convince someone else having children because they WANT them is not any less selfish – they aren’t doing the world a favour.

Post # 84
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

 

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MarriedToMyWork :  

Not caring to be around children is different then hating or can’t stand children. I did notice in reading this thread that there are some Bee’s who simply do not want children. And I respect that as they did not say they hate them or can’t stand them.

I also did see many bee’s in this thread who work with children, they too did not say they hate or dislike children they stated they simply did not want any of their own. Again I feel this is a very respectful answer. Nothing wrong with not wanting children.

I live in an area where many of my friends have horses. I don’t hate horses but I defiantly do not want one of my own. I don’t want to pet it or feed it, but I do like seeing them in the field. I don’t mind seeing photos of them on their Facebook pages. I don’t and would never say I hate horses.

I just feel saying you hate or can’t stand children is improper.

Post # 85
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

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justagirlfirst :  That’s nice.  Alas, none of the highly educated women you have insulted and are trying to [ineffectively] lecture at care.

Post # 86
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4811 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

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justagirlfirst :  It is not my job to soften one of my many reasons for not having children – the not liking them bit – because you feel it is improper. It is not my only reason but it is certainly one of them.

The title of this thread in the No Kids forum is “Do you like children?”. You can’t have thought everyone would say “yes!” when it is a chance for many to be honest?

Post # 87
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

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RayKay :  Your right my bad The thread is called do you like children. I just feel hate is pretty strong word exspecially when talking about children.

Post # 88
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

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justagirlfirst :  I feel like you might be confusing the appropriateness of the answers here with the appropriateness of those same answers thrown in the face of a child or a parent in certain real life scenarios. Of course it wouldn’t be nice if some of the answers given here were said to some kid’s face, or to some random parents at a dinner party. But like RayKay said, this is a discussion asking for precisely those honest answers…

 

Post # 89
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think not liking children is a sufficient reason to decide to be child free without further exploring one’s feelings about having kids. I do have a child and she means the world to me but I have never been interested in other people’s kids and I’ve never oohed and aahed over babies. Now, I do like my LO’s little friends (who are my friends’ kids) but I’m still not the kind of person that smiles at strangers’ babies when they stare at you; I’m just not interested in other people’s kids even though I love my own child more than anything.

Post # 90
Member
4811 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

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whitepeony :  Your opinion operates on premise that having children is an obligation one needs to “excuse” themself from. Again, why? No one “owes” the world children – or their life – to raising them. No one should have to validate why they don’t want children to someone else’s satisfaction. What does me not having children – or my reasons – have to do with you?

By the way, I have never met ONE single childfree person who has not given significant thought to their decision because of all of the social pressures, judgments, and criticisms, opinions on what boxes people must tick on life to be “real women” or whatever other junk – just like seen repeatedly in this thread. I have certainly seen most childfree people give FAR more thought to whether to have children than many parents, and unfortunately it cannot be said that no one ever regrets parenthood, or all parents are wonderful ones.

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