(Closed) Do You Look Through Their Phones?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you "snoop"?

    Yes, often

    Only if they give me a reason to

    No, it's not my business what they do

    We're open about everything with one another

  • Post # 32
    4654 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I look through his phone all the time, usually at his request or if I need some info he has on there. I’ve only wanted to see his convos or whatever a couple of times and I asked first, to which he’s always said yes. 

    We’re totally open – no privacy except in the bathroom. ;-D It’s just the way we roll.

    Post # 34
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

    If I look at DH’s phone, it’s usually to make sure he DID something he was supposed. For example, if I ask him to confirm plans with his mom, it might be easier for me to check his phone than to ask if he’s in the shower or whatever. But we both have free access to each other’s phones. we even joke when one gets a text and peek over the other’s shoulder. 

    Post # 35
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If you have to snoop through each others phones your relationship is broken. No question.

    Post # 36
    9162 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Just a question for those that look through each others phones. Do your close friends (both your friends and his friends) know that you do that? As a friend I would feel like our friendship had been violated if you allow your partner to read my messages etc without my knowledge or that they could.

    When I tell my friends something private I expect that it stays between us.

    Post # 37
    2478 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I don’t open his letters, therefore I don’t snoop around on his phone or computer. He is equally respectful of my privacy. 

    We trust each other 100% and certainly, if he gets a text when driving/in the bathroom/wherever, he’ll ask me to read it. I’ll do simillarly. But for all that, neither of us have the right to behave like the CIA and snoop about checking behind their partner’s backs. I find the very idea totally offensive and not evidence of a healthy relationship.

    In any case, most people who cheat – and don’t want to be found out! – usually get creative and wouldn’t leave incriminating evidence behind.

    Post # 38
    11324 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I don’t snoop, but the defensiveness would bother me. We are totally open with our technology. If his phone is sitting closer to me than my phone I have no issue picking it up to google something or to take a picture of the cat or whatever (which means I would sort of necessarily see the last thing he was browsing and his last pics taken). He does the same with mine. We both use each other’s computers whenever they are open and closer to us than our own. If I hear he got a text message while he is in the other room (or vice versa) I’ll pick it up and yell to him what it is. 

    I would pick up his phone for the purpose of snooping but if he got defensive about my being on it, whether he was cheating or not, it would bug me. 

    Post # 39
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @katiebeary:  I trust my husband 100%. That being said, yes, sometimes I snoop through his phone!

    Not because I think he’s cheating or anything, just because I like knowing what he’s up to. One time all of his phone history was about graphic cards, and it turned out he needed a new one, but was worried about the cost.

    So when he got home, I stood behind his computer while he tried to play a video game (it was seriously laggy), and suggested things looked “funny to me”. He brought up the graphics card, and he bought a new one.

    Post # 40
    9957 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We don’t snoop on each other.  We’re very open about everything, there’s no need to.  But I wouldn’t mind if he went through my stuff and he wouldn’t mind if I went through his.  We just don’t even think about it – it’s a non-issue for us.

    Post # 41
    6036 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    @katiebeary:  I don’t have anything to hide either and if Fiance chose to go through my phone I think I would just be a little disappointed that our trust wasn’t as strong as I thought it was. I would get irritated because I feel like its disrespectful to snoop through someone’s things. Including a phone. My feelings on this don’t just apply to the phone though, I wouldn’t like it if he was going through my drawers or anything either unless he had a purpose for it. It just feels…. like an invasion of my privacy I guess.

    With that said, we do read a text if the other can’t, or answer a call, use each others phones to google or whatever if our own isn’t available, etc. I guess it’s not so much the going through the phone, but more that it just seems sneaky to go through someone’s phone behind their back and I don’t like sneaky behavior :

    Post # 42
    2624 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @katiebeary:  I don’t do the whole looking through phones thing, I used to with exes but it was really stupid and I already knew what I was going to find anyway. It really is about respect for each others privacy, but it really boils down to trust. If I think I had to look through his phone THEN we have a problem.

    Post # 43
    8435 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My husband and I don’t “snoop” on each other because we have no reason to.  We both know all of each other’s passwords, and we frequently use each other’s phones/computers/laptops based on convenience.  If my husband ever got defensive about me using his electronics, I would immediately think something was up because it’s so out of character.

    Post # 44
    1606 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    The only time my Fiance was protective of his phone was (I now know) when he was buying my engagement ring.

    We actually share phones- he has an iphone and I have a droid, so he handles the airplay in the house but my phone is newer and nicer so if we need to look something up he grabs mine. He’s welcome to go through it if he wants to, as I am through his.  Mine is unlocked and his is locked but I’ve always known the password.  We’re getting married, for christ sakes. I don’t go through it because, honestly, I barely have time to read my own emails nevermind his… but I guess I could? 


    I would be extremely suspicious if someone I dated was ultra protective of their phone. Last time that happened to me…my ex was sleeping with a client of his. Low and behold…

    Post # 45
    4998 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I have never snooped, even early on in dating when he left his phone at my house (he’s a bit forgetful!). Neither of us are secretive about our phones because we have nothing to hide. If I ever felt the need to snoop, I would be concerned about my relationship. 

    Post # 46
    1584 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I snoop out of curiousity. I’m not trying to find anything horrible, I just enjoy playing with people’s things. I have always been the type to look through people’s wallets (with permission) for hidden treasures. I just like knowing ALL the things.


    Plus, my Fiance isn’t stupid. If he was cheating, there wouldn’t be evidence on there, so it isn’t like he has anything to hide!

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