(Closed) Do you look through your partner's phone?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I think that reading through someones phone / private emails / social media account never leads anywhere good. Reading messages etc can make something that was not a big deal, seem like a huge issue when you don’t know the context around why it was said. Plus if your partner ever finds out you were reading their messages they are bound to be upset (wouldn’t you be). I think if you truly have come across something by accident that looks suss it’s best just to ask your partner about it!

Post # 3
Member
3383 posts
Sugar bee

I have in the past, but it caused issues in our relationship. I learned from my mistakes and I don’t do it anymore. If I have a question or concern about anything, I bring it to FI’s attention. He is more than happy to show me his phone if I want to see it. But we have really worked on my trust issues, and to be totally honest, I don’t feel the need to see his phone at this point. The way I see it, if he’s gonna do something wrong, I’ll probably find out about it anyways. Why stress myself out? Not worth it. 

Post # 4
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

I wouldn’t go through his phone. If he’s left it on the sofa and I see a message come through, I’ll read the preview bit and tell him that so and so have text him.

There’s no point in going through it and he’d have to be pretty stupid to try and hide anything because I sometimes use his phone when I’m too lazy to go grab mine haha

Post # 5
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Only in the sense that if I want to look something up on the internet and his phone is closer, I’ll grab it and use it! or if he’s driving and needs to send a text, he’ll ask me to do it for him.  I don’t have any need to snoop – I trust him implicitly.  The fact that I have the password to his phone (which he happily gave me) says everything to me.

Post # 6
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t go through his phone but when he is driving a lot of times if he gets a text he will say read it or please send someone this text and I’ll happen to see some other texts.  Honestly he wouldn’t care.  he would say have at it all I text is you, my mom and some male friends haha

tbh I did do it in the beginning of our relationship when I had super unhealthy jealousy issues. We’ve been datingfor 3 years and engaged for 6 months of that.  At this point I trust him completely and don’t feel the need to look.  

Post # 7
Member
1903 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope.

This is the first relationship that I’ve never felt the need to snoop, I know that there is nothing there. 

I trust SO implicitly. 

Post # 8
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee

I’ll read messages FOR HIM, like if he can’t get to his phone for whatever reason I’ll read out messages that come in. Also if I’m using his phone for whatever reason, like if my own battery is dead, I’ll not be able to not read things that pop up, it’s hard not to read text that appears in front of my face. 

If he was talking with someone and I wanted to know what was going on I’d just ask him and he would tell me. On occasion I ask to read his messages, but that’s usually if it’s a conversation he was telling me about (like if his friend was having girl troubles again) and then I figure it’s more efficient for me to just read the messages than have him try to relay them to me. 

Basically I’m just nosy, it’s never that I don’t trust him. 

Post # 9
Member
3647 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Nope. Wouldn’t want him to do that to me, and I don’t do it to him.

Post # 10
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee

Nope. But I might ask him who was texting and what they wanted. Not because I care or I don’t trust him, just because I can be super nosy…

Post # 11
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If I want to look then I do, in front of him or not. This is a big controversy with Bees but I personally don’t think it’s a huge deal or a breach of trust – I wouldn’t care if he looked at my phone either. Looking at someone’s phone doesn’t have to mean it’s out of suspicion, I’d say it’s usually curiosity for me. Again, that’s me and in my relationship we have said straight out that we can look at each other’s phones so it’s not a behind closed doors thing.

Post # 12
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m in the minority. Yep I go through his phone. All of his passwords are known to me, and mine to him. He just electively chooses not tho go through my stuff. But I do it because I handle everything and its a habit I developed from when he was in the hospital and I NEEDED to handle his business. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by bgswifey.
Post # 13
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have my SO’s passcode and he has mine. I’ve read and responded to some of his text messages on his behalf while he is driving and may glance at a text preview but I don’t feel the need to investigate. I don’t know if he’s ever looked at my phone but I don’t have anything to hide. 

Post # 14
Member
1520 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
jennessey85:  Nope, never have and can’t see myself in the future needing to. My fiancé has been up front with me whenever something that had the potential to be suspicious looking or could be worrying to me. Like when his ex messaged him or another had tried to kiss him (done before he could see what was coming and immediately shoved her off and actually ran away from her *literally*) and he told me as soon as possible and explained. 

The only time I read his text or answered his phone is when he asks me to get it. If things were happening that were questionable I would ask him about it and if I didn’t like what I was hearing I would ask him to prove it with the messages, see how the answer goes and go from there.

Post # 15
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

No. He doesn’t have my password, nor do I have his. aI believe in individual privacy even within a relationship.

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