(Closed) Do you look through your partner's phone?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

No, I’ve never gone into his phone. Going in to grab info you need, or borrowing it because your battery is dying is one thing, but I am of the believe that if you feel you have to snoop to see if he’s doing something, you shouldn’t be in the relationship. 

Post # 17
Member
506 posts
Busy bee

Well, no, not because I expert to “find anything”, but I could if I were bored (But if I would be suspecting that he would hide something I would check it at that same moment! That has just never happened, cause we are very open to each other. And none of us do “suspicious stuff”) I acctually am at his Phone right now, didn’t even notice it before I read this thread Just took it because it was closest to me. I do it all the time. I’m not checking his Messages, just checking my own shit 😀 but I could as well check his and he wouldn’t mind. He doesn’t have secrets. And he’s friends are not that interesting, I have no desire to read what they are talking about. Haha. Oh, we have free access, Expect like a moth or two before my birthday/christmas. Then I am banned from his phone:)

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by pess.
Post # 18
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

I went through my ex-boyfriend’s phone to find proof he was cheating on me. I knew he was but he continued to lie about it, so I found the messages, took a screen shot, and sent them to myself. He came clean and finally accepted I was breaking up with him. 

With my current boyfriend, I have no desire to go through his phone or emails. We trust each other. We both have each other’s phone passcodes and know each other’s computer logons. We have no issue with the other person using the computer when the other person isn’t there (for instance, he’s at work and I’m at his apartment and I know he has a particular recipe he bookmarked). Or, as other PPs have said, if one person is driving and a message or phone call comes in, we answer for the other person. But, we’re both big on individual privacy and that includes keeping innocent emails/texts/phone calls private. 

I have a theory that if you’re actively looking through the phone/computer for something, you’re looking to create a reason to break up. 

Post # 19
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

We use each other’s phones interchangeably . I like his phone better so when we’re home I’m on his phone . Phone privacy is a non factor here. 

Post # 20
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I do sometimes but only because he has funny conversations with an ex. Totally above board, they tend to send eachother adorable animal pictures or plan hang outs. I often have to remind him to text her back. You can see how unbothered I am!

Post # 21
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

We have an open phone policy. I have his password, I don’t have a lock on mine. I think he’s gone through mine a couple of times out of curiosity and to update my apps for me, but I don’t care because I have nothing to hide. All he’d see are friend texts from girls at work and weddingbee on my browser! 😛 

I’m not on social media, he is. And sometimes I’m curious, but knowing him as I do I know that he’s trustworthy. And the fact that he’s open to me going through it anytime means I feel no need to do so. 

Post # 22
Member
4685 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

View original reply
jennessey85:  no. It’s very disrespectul in my opinion and to me, it says there’s not enough trust. Now if I saw a message and it was about plans with a coworker I would simply say “hey so and so texted you righ tnow asking about a night out? I didn’t know you were going to go out with them? so what’s the plan? what are you guys gonna do?” and I would just ask rather than take it upon myself to just read his messages. Or I would ask if he wanted me to read it, which normally he does if he’s busy and i’m by his phone. 

Post # 23
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

No, I would never snoop through his phone. Do we use each other’s phone interchangeably? Yes, all the time. But I never go through his text messages and he doesn’t go through mine. There’s no reason to and everyone is entitled to some privacy. If I happen to be using his phone and a text pops up, I’ll hand the phone over to him and say “so and so texted you”. He can read and respond to it. If you really have a question about something you saw – ASK HIM. Reading messages without his permission and not knowing the context or tone of the conversation willl only cause more problems.

If you don’t trust your partner, find a new one.

Post # 24
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
jennessey85:  No, never. I don’t feel I have a need to. If I felt I needed to, it would definitely be because there’s a problem in the relationship.

Post # 25
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Not sure

I have never looked through his phone. Never, ever. It’s not my phone, not my business. It’s a matter of trust. If you can’t trust each other then what’s the use. But that’s my motto.

Post # 26
Hostess
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I have his password and often set alarms for him (he’s a heavy sleeper and forgets to set them before bed fairly often), but I don’t go through his phone. We’re both comfortable with the other having access to it and if his phone is dead, he may take mine to play a game or look something up online, etc. but neither of us snoops (at least I don’t think he does!). Fiance is friends with many of his coworkers, male and female, so it wouldn’t suprise or concern me if one of them was texting him. If he was weirdly guarded about his phone, things might be different, but I trust him.

Post # 27
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Nope. He has all my passwords though, just as I have his. But it’s more of a safety issue. Neither of us have ever snooped. 

Post # 28
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Being honest, yes I would. Doesn’t mean I don’t trust my husband, it means I know how high divorce and infidelity rates were up and per your hypothetical situation, if I saw a text from a woman I didn’t know discussing a night out I would look, provided I didn’t know about the meeting before hand.

My husband and I have an open phone policy. Includes everything from email to texting to Facebook. We ha one another passwords with free reign. We don’t typically use this but if we choose to we can.

If I felt my marriage was in jeopardy, if I had a feeling he was cheating, I would. And I would expect him to do the same. We have not dealt with infidelity in our relationship and we trust each other. But we take “two become one” seriously and as such we don’t keep things from one another.

Post # 29
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

I have never looked through his and [as far as I know] he hasn’t looked threw mine. But neither are locked and we have full access if we wanted to. We leave them laying around the house unattended all the time. He wouldn’t find anything and I know I wouldn’t either.

For the situation you describe, I wouldn’t snoop. But being nosey I’d probably ask him what she said 😛

Either way, you have to trust your husband. I know my husband isn’t going to go hookup with a work girl (or any other). So it doesn’t bother me.

Post # 30
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Nope. We are both entitled to our privacy, and I’ve never been given a reason to snoop anyway. 

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