(Closed) Do you look through your partner's phone?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
4345 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

No. He has a right to privacy,  and so do the people he’s talking to. Not every conversation he has is my business.  Especially since he owns his own business and deals with stuff for clients on it. 

I trust him completely,  and sorry to PP, but it’s totally about trust. I’m nosey too, but I also respect he’s entitled to privacy. I don’t have a right to know all his friend’s or family’s business just because we’re married. 

Post # 32
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t like snooping. I would be pissed if my Fiance went through my phone- and there is not a single inappropriate thing on there, I just expect my privacy to be respected. Ditto my emails, my purse, my diary etc. And I wouldn’t do anything to him I wouldn’t like done to me so it works both ways. 

If someone is going to cheat, keeping close reign on them won’t help. The cheater will just become more clever with alibis, deleting texts etc. IMO you have to trust your partner not to cheat rather than drive yourself nuts playing amateur detective. If you can’t trust him not to cheat, this is a huge red flag and you have to decide if you’re being unreasonably insecure or if you have valid reason to be suspicious. 

Post # 33
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’ve never been tempted to go through my SO’s phone. I feel if you feel the need then you are either a. insecure or b. lack trust in your relationship.  Either way it’s not healthy and will not lead to anything good.

Post # 34
Member
999 posts
Busy bee

No.  I haven’t looked through his phone.  I never will.

If I found out he was going through my phone or opening my mail , I would end the relationship.   Everybody has a right to privacy,  autonomy,  secrets, confidences, et cet.

I would never ask for his passwords to things and I would never give him my passwords.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by samael. Reason: Typo
Post # 35
Member
2327 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

No, I trust him. There may be an occasion when I’m being nosy when I’m using his phone and I see a joint friend has texted but he knows that and doesn’t mind.

Post # 36
Member
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Nope, I never go through his phone or use his phone, unless he’s driving and he needs me to text someone. 

However, if I happened to see a text po up from a female at work about a night out, I’d definitely ask him about it. 

Post # 37
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee

No, I think its weird to be honest. 

Post # 38
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

No. I had an ex who tried to demand access to my phone. I left him shortly thereafter. 

Unacceptable behavior by any reasonably mature adult who’s secure in her relationship. 

Post # 39
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I have in the past, but it accomplished nothing besides making me realize how foolish and insecure i was/am. Your SO deserves the respect, trust, and privacy as much as you do. I no longer feel like i want or need to look through my fiancee’s phone. 

Post # 40
Member
1786 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

No. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I feel I need to do this. Whether because I think I’ll find something or because he doesn’t make me feel safe enough to not have to.

Post # 41
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

I do and he knows it.. but I don’t do it to snoop.. I do it to check his e-mail from school because he has a horrible habit of missing important e-mail.  I dont read texts or anything like that.

Post # 42
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I do only because Fiance forgets everything. His stepmom will text him about somewhere that we need to be (birthday parties, communions, etc) and he has not shown up or told me on countless occassions.

Post # 43
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee

Nope, wont do it BUT if I see a message pop up from a girl about a night out, damn right I will read it (and not even in a sneaky way since I would have no problem doing this in front of him anyway).

Post # 44
Member
7530 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
saratiara2:  This exactly. It is not only about respect and privacy for your partner but for the person sending the text. 

If I found out a friends partner was reading the text I sent well I would feel betrayed and like I couldn’t trust them anymore. I would do the same thing I would with “friends” that feel entitled to share my private conversations with their partners, distance myself and stop talking to them about things going on in my life. 

Post # 45
Member
4345 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
j_jaye:  totally agree. One of my best friends is going through infertility issues…I can’t imagine how betrayed she would feel to know my husband is reading about her cycle days and meds. It’s none of his business. 

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