(Closed) Do you look through your partner's phone?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

No.  FI and I both have finger-print security on our devices and we both have the other persons finger print as an allowed option… I only ever use his phone to google something if mine is too far away to bother getting up.

Post # 77
300 posts
Helper bee

I would not read it, but I would ask him about it? If i see a girl messaging him going on a DATE at night??? yes we will HAVE A TALK.

I checked facebook before when i was 18 and live caught my ex LOL cheating with another girl on chat.. I have grown since then. It is pointless if he is going to cheat he will. However if you feel insecure you need to tell him and have a talk and find the root of the problem 🙂 

We have each other’s password for roku remote app reasons , security disarm. But we have nothing to hid XD he would sometimes tell me what someone texted on the screen and vice versa if we are busy or on each other’s phones

Even if we didn’t tell each other it is pretty easy to guess our wedding date LOL.. it is both of our pw. 


Post # 78
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

I can but I generally don’t. I have a few times and it generally just makes me more paranoid, not less. I had a really bad relationship where I got cheated on and abused, so that is what made me want to do it at first but it’s better to just not. We don’t have passwords and we can look through each other’s stuff, we just choose not to. 

Post # 79
222 posts
Helper bee

I don’t read his text messages because I trust him, but if I had doubts in my mind I probably would tbh. For what its worth, my fingerprint is in his iphone . I usually use his phone to surf the web when i kill the battery on mine and I’m in the habit of just putting my finger on the home button, so he let me add my fingerprint (out of convenience). If a text comes in and I’m on it, I just let him know so and so texted him without opening the message. 

Post # 80
477 posts
Helper bee

I go through my husband’s phone all the time, to delete texts!! He has one of those old phones with a super small memory and sometimes texts don’t get through to him due to lack of space. I also reorganise his wallet… 

But wow, I’m amazed at how many people talk about ‘privacy’ in relation to their spouses and fiancees. I’ve always thought of privacy as an issue outside of a relationship. I mean, in a relationship you see each other naked, ill, grieving and all that very private stuff that happens in one’s life. 

Not a judgement at all, here. I’m just genuinely suprised that so many people think about themselves and their partners as such separate and discrete individuals.

I suppose it’s one of those things that come from our individualist and privacy-oriented Anglo culture. One of my parents isn’t from an English-speaking country, and sometimes I realise how differently I’ve been raised because of it.

Post # 81
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

No I don’t, but he doesn’t care if I do either. Before I got my iPad mini, I would use his iPad all the time & take it to work and since it was synced to his apple account all his texts would pop up in there. I made sure not to read them, to the point where when they popped up I would hide them as quick as I could. When I told him that, he told me he doesn’t care if I see them or not. But I respect him and trust him enough not to. The only time I will is if he asks me to read something to him or send something for him.

Post # 82
38 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

No never,  I dont read his emails,  check his phone,  open his letters….

I am married to him,  but I dont own him,  and everyone needs privacy dont they?  

Post # 83
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

God no!!!!

But if he was going through my phone I would be upset: because weddingbee and my obessive pinterest boards. But that’s the worst of it 😉

Post # 84
2704 posts
Sugar bee

What? No! Never! I’ve never felt the need and I wouldn’t anyway. 

Post # 85
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
shash:  This!

Post # 86
1070 posts
Bumble bee

No. Does it really matter if there’s a text?

My take is that if somebody will cheat they will cheat and looking through their phone isn’t going to change that. If anything it pushes people into being more secretive and increases the likelyhood of feeling unhappy in the relationship and makes them more likely to cheat. 

the ‘we have nothing to hide’ argument doesn’t come into it for me. If you trust your partner then there’s no need to check. 

Post # 87
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

No I do not look through my partner’s phone. I trust him completely and he trusts me. If I saw a woman from work text him about a night out (preview screen buzz) I would say “so-and-so” just sent you a text but I wouldnt even bat an eyelash about what its about. He is a very faithful partner through his actions and words. I am secure in our relationship whether he texts men, women, work, non-work related things, any time of day; I know he’s trustworthy. 🙂

Post # 88
104 posts
Blushing bee

He would let me, and I would let him look through mine. But I don’t feel the need to because our trust is solid, since we’ve been through hell and high water throughout our relationship. I don’t feel I need to look at his phone.

Though I see nothing wrong with it. If you have nothing to hide, there’s no problem with it in my opinion.

Post # 89
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Nope I havent but we are completly transparent about everything with each other he has all of my passwords (codes) to everything and vice versa if I ever wanted to go through his phone it would not be difficult at all because I know eveything but I don’t because 1) he talks to his friends about some pretty weird stuff and I don’t want to know what his friends are doing because while I adore them they are really strange 2) I trust him and do not feel the need to know everything that he’s doing. He has the right to his privacy as do I. Though I have a feeling he has been going through my FB because during our entire relationship neither one of us has had a FB until I started Law School for which I was required to make one, since that is how everyone at my school communicates with each and I was really missing out on some important event. I have no problem with him going through my FB or anything else since I have nothing to hide….

Post # 90
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
jennessey85:  Nah. We know enough about each other’s schedules that I’d probably know there was some night out with work friends, and if not, he’s given me no reason to assume anything weird. I’d just tell him he had a message and not give it another thought. Unless it was the coworker who tried to flirt with him in the past… in that case I’d still tell him he had a message but probably throw in an unflattering remark about the person sending it and ask what she wanted.

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