(Closed) Do you look through your partner's phone?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 106
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

In all of my relationships, I’ve found that if I had the feeling that I needed to look at someone’s phone, it turned out that my SO was in fact hiding something. In my first big relationship, my boyfriend was always covering his phone’s screen, or shutting his computer when I came in the room. He said that he just had privacy issues because he’d grown up in a big family. It always seemed weird to me, but I was young and naive, and trusted him completely. Then, one day he left his email open on my computer, and I found out he’d been cheating on me for the whole five years that we’d been together. It was horrible, and I promised myself that if I ever had the urge to look at someone’s phone/email again, I would do it. My Fiance knows about all of this, and we have an open phone/computer relationship. After my first relationship, I don’t think I could do it any other way.

Post # 107
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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gogglefruits:  I don’t think “privacy” from your partner necessarily means being “seperate” and discrete individuals. I share everything with my husband. There are no secrets and I wouldn’t necessarily have an issue with him going through my phone. I have nothing to hide and I know it’s the same on his end. However, there’s a degree of individualism I feel entitled to keep. He doesn’t need to see/hear/read every word I speak to every person throughout the day. I don’t say anything I wouldn’t say to his face, but I still wouldn’t want all of my conversations recorded and live-streamed to him. I still have a life outside of my husband that he doesn’t need to be 100% in tune with. Do I care if he hears the girly gossip I share with my friends? No. But that doesn’t mean he has to.

Post # 108
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

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SoonAsYouCan:  Your position sounds quite moderate compared to some posters, though. Several people have gone as far as to talk about serious “violations of privacy” in the case of looking through a partner’s phone.

But I get that I am probably on the other end of the extremes. Theoretically I think I’d like to have our interactions live streamed to one another. It would save a lot of time rehashing conversations we’ve had with other people!

Post # 109
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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jennessey85:  In answer to your original question, uh YEAH I would open that and look at it. Wth? A girl from work is messaging him for a night out? Only if he had already told me about this and i had some idea what it was about would I not care. If it looked fishy? Yeah. I would look. Fortunately though, I only had that problem with my ex’s and never with my husband. I have no reason to look in his phone because he doesn’t give me a reason.

Post # 110
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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rainy578:  Exactly – you live and learn, been there too! Walks like a duck, …

Post # 111
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee

No.  Why the hell would I do that?

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