(Closed) Do you love one of your kids more than the other(s)?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Do you favor one of your children more than the other(s)?
    I definitely have a favorite : (9 votes)
    23 %
    No, I love them both/all equally : (11 votes)
    28 %
    My favorite changes depending on the day and their behavior : (9 votes)
    23 %
    Other : (10 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I have two boys and they are very different in personality and tempermant.  My younger one is more like me and the older son has Asperger’s and he’s harder to relate to and have conversations with (anyone who has an Aspie child will understand why). 

    I love hanging out  them and I genuinely like their company (well, most of the time lol) Because they are now 17 and 19, I can really look back honestly and say that I love them equally.  I worry about them equally too, for different reasons.  And this may sound really sappy, but they are both dear to me in different ways too.

    Anyway, no favoritism on my part (nor have I ever been accused either, thank God:) 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    I don’t have kids, but my parents have favorites- my parents would never admit it though. That’s one of those things you just don’t say out loud.

    My mom favors my sister over me, do I have issues with it? Not really. My mom has some issues and it’s not me- it’s = her things. My dad definitley prefers me to my siblings, but that can be a bad thing. He has a special interest in my life and he’s definitley an overbearing parent 🙂 Is it normal to like one child more than the others? I don’t know. I definitley don’t think it should be blogged about though.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    I dont have kids yet but I cant imagine not loving my children equally. My parents had different relationships with each of us, but I never felt like they favored any of us or loved one more.

    I didnt read the whole blog but I feel really bad for her daughter. Some day she will read that.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4653 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My favorite is one that changes daily and with there behavior of course the one that cuddles up in your lap when the other one just colored on the wall(again) Of course you are going to have a favorite at that time But i do love my kids the same! And they BOTH have there moments lol…

    Post # 7
    Member
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I have three biological children; a girl and two boys. And I can tell you that I love each of them equally and separately for different reasons. They are each unique and exude things that I both love and can’t stand about them. A parent can love each of their children equally, but for different reasons. It is very hard to put into words, but I can tell you that I don’t love any one of them any less than the other one. I know that each of them have probably thought that I love another one more sometimes than them, but it just isn’t true. I would literally die, if I lost any of them. They are my life and always will be.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I don’t have kids, but this subject made me think of how I love my siblings.  I love them all equally, but in different ways.  My little bro is my best friend and I love him dearly.  I’m like a 2nd mom to him and we always get along.  One sister is kind of blunt/hard ass like I am, so we “get” eachother and is also the funniest person I know.  The other sister is very tender hearted and always has a hug waiting.  There maybe qualities I love more in one sibling than the other, but when it all balances out, I love them all so much and not one more than the other.

    On that note…all my siblings have a weird inside joke.  For example, I’ll tell my brother, “I love you so much.  You’re my favorite brother.”  He responds, “I’m your ONLY brother.”  Or my sisters will say to me, “I love you..you’re my favorite 5’4″ brunette sister.”  Or I’ll tell one sister, “You’re my favorite 23 year old sister.”  It’s our goofy way of playing favorites, without playing favorites.  My parents do the same thing.  My youngest sister is my dad’s favorite blonde daughter (she’s the only blonde in the family).  My other sister is my dad’s favorite tall daugher (she’s 5’10” and the other sister and I are short)…but you get the point, it’s just a silly game we play.

    Post # 9
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I don’t have kids yet either, but my dad at 55 is still scarred by the fact my grandma loved her daughter more than him. He was talking about his childhood once and he almost teared up talking about how he was sent to live with his grandparents over the summer while my aunt was allowed to stay home. I know the lady in the article made it sound like she wasnmt quite that bad, but I still think it can really damage kids. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1556 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think there are times that as a mother you feel closer to one or another of your children.  And as MsPanda says, it often has to do with their behavior that day.  Sometimes one of them seems to need a bit more attention and the others are busy doing their own thing.  But there is no way I could pick a favorite.  I really do love them all the same. 

    I can remember when I was pregnant with my second child.  My son was two when she was born and I felt so sorry for her when I was pregnant, because all of my attention went to him.  I was afraid I’d not ever be able to love another child as much as I loved him. I can remember being really worried about this.   But then she was born and I fell in love all over again.  Suddenly, all my worries about being able to love her as much seemed silly.  Of course I loved her every bit as much as him.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    336 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I can confidently tell you that favoritism is generally pretty obvious to the siblings who are not “the favorite.” And it blows.

    I got a bit angry reading that article. I realize the woman was trying to be strong and open with her feelings, but I kind of wanted to punch her. What are we supposed to do? Congratulate her for admitting that she loves the difficult child, but not as much as her easy child? Please.

    With my parents, I’m pretty sure that with each child they had, the more they loved them. (Not) Lucky for me, I’m the oldest of us three. They were the strictest with me, and generally give me less attention and have less patience with me than my two siblings to this day. I am often blatantly ignored. I can be telling my mom a story, and she will start talking to my sister, AS I AM SPEAKING. Yep. My sister is the baby, aka Golden child.

    With Fiance, he is very obviously his mother’s favorite. Without question. I can see his sisters trying to compensate for that, whether they realize it or not, at times. His dad openly admitted that FI’s middle sister is his favorite. (Not to Fiance, of course. To the sister.) Why are we oldies never the favorite?

    Anyway, this subject just kind of hits home for me. As I am reminded of it on a daily basis.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I can tell you that not being “the fav child” is obvious and very very painful. I know without a doubt that my mother favors my little sister more than myself or my older sister. It’s so obvious it’s infuriating sometimes.

    I will always resent both my mother and my sister. That’s just not something I will ever be able to let go of.

    So, to me, it’s very important to treat my children as equal as possible. It isn’t always easy to relate to both of them with their phases of childhood always being different. But, I always love my children the same. ALWAYS

    Post # 13
    Member
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    A childs perspective: My parents don’t treat us equally at all, but I think they love us equally. It didn’t really have a negative effect on me, because I am my Father’s favorite and my sister is my Mother’s. I think we each just connected differently. My sister and I have talked about it and it hasn’t really bothered us at all. Probably because the parental attention was equally divided and since they are still married we were given equal doses at the same time.

    A bonus mom’s: I worry about this all of the time. When I married Darling Husband I took his son in as my own. I love him and mother him. People sometimes discount me as his motherly figure, because I’m not his bilogical mom. Lots of people have said to me that I will really know what it feels like when I have my own. It kills me when they say this as I don’t believe that will be the case, however sometimes I worry I could play favorites or that my bonus son will feel less loved because he isn;t biologically mine.

    Post # 14
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @Goodie: “I got a bit angry reading that article. I realize the woman was trying to be strong and open with her feelings, but I kind of wanted to punch her. What are we supposed to do? Congratulate her for admitting that she loves the difficult child, but not as much as her easy child? Please.”

    *slow clap*

    Yea this article kind of pissed me off. You can LIKE one child more than another on any given day I think.. but you should always love them the same. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1820 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    There is a lot of evidence (can’t find it right now, but you can google it) that parents generally have closer relationships with their *opposite* gender children – “daddy’s little girl” and all that.  The idea is that children of the same gender represent you – your fears, your mistakes, your missed opportunities – and that parents are competitive with those children because they want to be a better man/woman through their children.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    My parents would always joke about how one of us was the favorite at a certain time, but never all over or that they loved one of us more than the other.

    My grandfather was a totally different story. He had 6 grandchildren, 1 step-grandchild, and several great-grandchildren but I was always the favorite. He made no effort to hide it and everyone in the family knew it. I know it affected my cousins, but there was really nothing I could do about it.

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