Do you love your in-laws as much as your family of origin?

posted 12 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

No…how could I? I’ve only known them four years. I like them very much and I care about them but it will never be the same bond that I have with my own parents. My in-laws don’t really say “I love you” even to their own kids – so that’s never come up before, but if they did say it to me I’d say it back to be polite. My family says I love you all the time although I’m not sure they’ve ever said it directly to dh. 

Post # 3
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

I love my FI’s family infinitely more than my family of origin. They love, appreciate, and respect me in ways that my abusive, drug-addled, manuipulative family is unwilling/unable to do. Thay have accepted me as their own, and I feel the utmost comfort and warmth from them – have from day 1.

Post # 4
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

No, I don’t. And I have known them since I was a kid. My parents have a lot of the same flaws tbh, but I like neeeever see ILs redeemable qualities. I’m sure they’re there, fi isn’t like an awful person or hates his family so they can’t be awful all the time. But they’re just very judgemental and that’s all I get to see of them. 

Post # 5
Member
5560 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

No, I think that is pretty obvious for most people.  I like my F-inlaws, I get on super well with his brother and extended family etc but I have only known them for 9 years.  How could I love them as much as my family who I have known for almost 30? 

I don’t say “I love you” to any of them, I don’t think I ever have except ‘Love Zzar x’ on a card.  I don’t think I do love them, I care for them but I don’t love them.  I don’t know how I will feel in another decade but for now I definitely don’t love them as much as my own family. 

Post # 6
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

Yes, I do love them as much as my own family and occasionally tell them. 

They are an amazing family, and I appreciated the bond they share from day one. They are always there to help us if needed, but are never intrusive. 

Post # 7
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

Without a doubt, I love/enjoy my in-laws more than my own family. I hardly speak to my own family and my in-laws definitely took me in for a rough time period and have supported me and Darling Husband in whatever we chose to do. 

I don’t outright say “I love you” in the same aspect I say it to my Darling Husband. It’s more of a casual “love ya, love you” way via texts or giving hugs as we say goodbye to them. It was a little awkward at first because I knew I loved them like my own family but I wasn’t sure if it was weird to them to hear it…luckily its not weird so its just the casual “love you!” 

Post # 8
Member
12097 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I don’t think you love any two people the “same” way. The relationships are different because they are different people. It’s not a contest. But yes, I do love my in laws. 

Post # 9
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

LOL no way. I don’t care for them. They are judgemental and unkind and I feel very uncomfortable around them. They are just sooo different from my family and how I was raised, and do things that just shock me… like, I can’t even believe people actually do some of these things to their family/kids! They are also super fake-nice to everyone, which is something I can’t stand, and I cannot bring myself to be fake, I’m very real and up-front about things

Post # 10
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Mlim :  I;ve been with my fiance just short of 11 years now and I can definitely say I 100% love his family as much as I love my own.

We are highschool sweethearts and throughout the many years of us together (including break ups and back togethers) they have always welcomed me with kindness and love. From letting me spend countless weekends overnight at their home, taking me to the hospital when I fell ill, and just being there for me in every way.

At first it was a little uncomfortable when we were just datign and still in high school, but over the years I just melded into their family. I help with sunday dinners and cleaning up, visit Nana when shes feeling lonely, etc.

I did not really tell them I love them face to face at first, but when my fiance’s younger brother suddenly passed away last year in a tragic accident (he was only 23) I knew I had to tell them. I don’t tell them every chance I get, but I do tell them I love them when I feel its appropriate. I’ve even started to go so far as to cal his parents mom and dad on occasion. Mostly in a fun joking way, but I mean it sincerely. They really feel like my own mom and dad and I feel liek they love me jsut as much as they love their own sons and daughter.

 

Edit: In fact, this might be awful to say, but I almost love them a little more than my own family. They are just a different kind of family and have different values that seem to match my own more. To them, family is everything. You always go above and beyond for family. If they want us to visit, they come pick us up because we dotn have a car. Sister decided to go vegan? OK, mum makes sure there is always a special dinner just for her. That kind of thing. Whereas in my family, if there is a vegan, well fend for yourself, we’re not doing soemthing special just for you. I want you to visit me? Wel get on the bus I’m not going out of ym way to come get you. Just different values. I do love my family so so so much, but its just different. My family is more about appearances and what you can do for eachother, whereas my fiances family is about inclusion and never letting someone feel left out or unwanted.

Post # 14
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Mlim :  It sounds like it will! It takes a long time to get comfortable with people as much as you are with your own family. I dont think there is anything wrong with how you feel about them. I think those feelings will continue to grow and you’ll show your love for them in a way that makes sense to you!

Post # 15
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I definitely don’t love my in laws as much as my FOO.  My family is all very close (at least on my moms side), and we spend a lot of time together.   Half of his family didn’t even come to our wedding or send a card.  As for immediate families, I definitely care for my in laws, and would always help them if they needed anything, but they frustrate me on a lot of fronts.  My husband is really close to them, and I am supportive of that, but I choose to not see them as much to curb my frustrations.  I am not hopeful for things changing, but who knows.

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