Do you love your in-laws as much as your family of origin?

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

No, definitely not. I care about my in laws but I’ve known them two years and don’t see them often. I’d feel uncomfortable saying “I love you” to any of them, maybe we’ll get there someday but I know they’ll never compare to my own family (not in a bad way, I’m just super close to my own mother and sister).

Mlim :  

Post # 32
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 1984

Mlim :  Ultimately, my son decided that she wasn’t the one for him. I know that she had a rough time growing up because her father is an alcoholic who was abusive to her mom and left the family in very dire circumstances. I think that she has issues with men in that she has very little respect for them.

Two of our nieces were visiting from Europe and pointed out to my son that she was very rude and demeaning to him. We had noticed some of this behaviour too but it seemed to us that our son was happy and we feel that our job is not to judge but rather to support. My son recently told me that he felt he had to tip toe around her which is never a good thing in a relationship.

 PS – While she may not have been the one for our son, we still admire the courage she had to come to a foreign country to study. Also, she was/is a very hard worker – she had a mountain of student debt and worked very hard to pay it off each year (she couldn’t enroll year to year unless the previous year’s tuition was paid in full.) She was very thoughtful with us as well – she created one of a kind cards and hand made gifts which we appreciated. 

Post # 33
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I also come from a family that doesn’t really save “I love you” and isn’t really affectionate. I’ve always had a tough time with those words. Honestly my Fiance is the only one I’ve ever felt comfortable saying “I love you” to, and that includes my own family.

I care about my FI’s family, and I do think I love them, in a way. I also love my own immediate family, except my father, in a way. I don’t really compare them. I’ve known my family my entire life, and his family only 3 years. But they are wonderful people and I do care for them a lot, and I view them as family as well.

My Future Mother-In-Law often says “I love you” to me, but it’s just when she’s saying goodbye, like, “Love you, goodbye!” I’ve tried to make myself say it back, but it’s like there’s some block there, I just can’t say it. I’ve managed to say “you too” before, but even that is hard. Mostly I just avoid it and say, “Goodbye!” back.

Post # 35
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t “love” my inlaws but I do really like them. I kind of love his dad but have a harder time with his (very sweet) mom. I’m not sure why. I guess I am a little put off by the fact that she’s still friendly to his ex. I guess I’m not all that interested in being friends/ having a great relationship with her because of that.  His ex is a pretty awful person & I think it’s a case of being “known” by the company you keep. Idk.

Post # 36
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I do love my in-laws, but it’s a different kind of love than what I feel for my own family. I grew up in a single-mother family with two other siblings, and we are all very close knit. It was “us against the world” for a lot of my childhood, and that brought us really close together. My Future Mother-In-Law tells me that she loves me and that I’m one of her babies now, and I’ll say it back, but it always makes me feel a little weird. I guess I’m just not used to it. She also oversteps sometimes as if she IS my mother, which I find very, very unusual. When I had my wisdom teeth surgically removed, she constantly wanted to be at my bedside taking care of me. But FH and my own mother were already taking care of me. And I felt really uncomfortable being a total mess (swollen cheeks, bedhead, etc) with her there. I appreciated her concern, but once the aenesthesia wore off, it’s not like I was helpless. I just slept a lot and was on a liquid diet. Not like I had to be monitored! She also keeps trying to do wedding stuff with me that is more of a mother-daughter activity…I guess what I’m saying is, I truly believe she loves me like a daughter, but I don’t quite love her like a parent. I just care deeply for her.

Post # 37
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

 no… my feelings about my in laws generally hangs out somewhere between like and dislike depending on what they’ve been up to recently.

My impression is my husbands feelings towards my family are similar.

We have difficult families, what can I say.

Post # 38
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I am close to my ILs and I know they love me like their own daughter; in fact, I share things to my Mother-In-Law things that I might not tell my own mum. BUT I have always put up a barrier between them and me. I don’t think I would ever feel what I feel for my own family for them. I like them, but I don’t think I would “love” them as much as my own. There’s just this transparent wall if you know what I mean?

Post # 39
Member
1947 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I truly love my in laws but it’s a different love then what I feel for my parents.

Post # 40
Member
618 posts
Busy bee

No, they also dont deserve as much love as the person who raised me.

Post # 41
Member
777 posts
Busy bee

 

My in-laws made it easy for me not to love them by being jerks not just to me, but also to my family.

And I couldn’t be better off! laughing

Post # 42
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

Mlim :  My inlaws are the worst people on earth, and I can’t believe they raised such a nice son and daughter.  (My SIL is lovely.)

I don’t love them or even like them. I dread their phone calls, and visits. His mom asked me to call her “Mom” and I straight out refused to do it.  

I think its totally ok to maintain appropriate boundaries.  You do what makes you comfortable.  If you don’t want to say I love you to them, that is fine.  

 

Post # 43
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

My (soon to be) in laws let me live with them when my childhood home burnt down, so yes I do love them as much as my actual parents. (My fiancé and I have known each other since kindergarten, so his parents are like my second family). A bit of backstory to the home burning down story: my mother accidentally burnt down our house when I was fourteen and my fiancé and I just started dating, so my future in laws let me live with them for a couple months until my parents found a new place to live (my parents obviously gave their consent lol). 

Post # 44
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee

I genuinely really like my in laws, maybe love some of them, but in a different capacity than my own family. I love my Father-In-Law, but I otherwise have a hard time with connecting deeply with my in laws, particularly Mother-In-Law. They are all sweet people and have made me feel very welcome, and have done some absolutely selfless loving actions to support me and my husband. But… it’s a pretty surface level relationship, even knowing them for over 7 years now.

Post # 45
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No, they are not nice or supportive and they don’t love my children (their own blood grandchildren, sons of me and my husband)

On the other hand, my husband is incredibly more close to my family and they speak daily with him, plan parties for him, always check on his health, wants, likes and needs and care for him… so he always has time for my ppl and will happily spend money on them and efforts on them…

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