Do you make your fiancé/husband's lunch?

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Do you make your spouse'a lunch?
    Yes, all the time. : (94 votes)
    26 %
    No way! This is the 21st century. : (83 votes)
    23 %
    Sometimes, if I have time or it is a special day. : (84 votes)
    23 %
    They make mine. : (30 votes)
    8 %
    They buy their lunch. : (39 votes)
    11 %
    Other : (29 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 136
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    No, but I don’t really pack lunches for myself either! I try to keep a loaf of bread, and deli meat and cheese at my work for the most part, or I grab a quick salad or just go hungry/eat a granola bar. He rarely eats breakfast OR lunch–thanks, Vyvanse. He’s way too thin and needs to put some weight on, so I probably should be packing him lunch lol. He grazes on nuts and oranges. We split dinner roughly 50/50, whoever gets home first or has more energy.

    Post # 137
    395 posts
    Helper bee

    Sometimes.  Usually it’s when I’m making dinner I’ll throw together a salad or a sandwich for him.  But it’s not all the time.  Once a week, maybe twice, or none.  He really likes my salads.

    Post # 138
    11858 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    No one told me the movement for equality was so done that it’s totes cool to sneer at feminists on a site full of predominantly women. Gross. 

    Don’t blame feminists for being aware of reality. Reality is, women don’t have equal pay and rape kits sit forever untested, not because there are equal women in government.

    what does that have to do with sandwiches and why am I so annoyed? I don’t know, ask the people sneering about feminism and moving the goal post to act like feminists hate doing nice things for their partner. Or read the news about the North Korean nuke sandwich courtesy of internalized misogyny.

    Sadly, this crap matters a lot more than people admit.

    Look. I don’t make Fiance lunch because I don’t, not because I’m a feminist. But I’m a damn proud feminist. I also bake cookies for Fiance and fresh bread when I can, because I enjoy it. I don’t care what anyone else does, what I care about is why feminists are the dog other women kick when they want to look cool. 

    The first person who comes at me whining about why I made this political will have to explain why they had no problem with the dissing of feminists,which is a political comment to which I am responding. 

    Whereas I have not dissed anyone’s choice, but am merely pointing out to a site. Full. Of. Women, who often wonder why they don’t have maternity leave,  that yes, we are not there yet, not by a long shot and the only reason you don’t know this yet is luck. 

    *not aimed only at mrs nyctola’s odd understanding of feminism above, although that too is gross.  

    Feminist: a person who believes that women and men are equal beings. Wow, so awful. 

    Post # 139
    4507 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    duchessgummybunns :  yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes — you beat me to it and said it better than I would have anyway. Men are not little children.

    Post # 140
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

    We sort out our own lunches during the week. My Fiance buys his own lunch. During the weekends, sometimes he cooks, sometimes I do. He says he has been eating healthier and falling sick less often (the latter I have observed) since he has met me – personally I feel that is such a wonderful compliment since I have had such a positive effect on him. 

    Post # 141
    2531 posts
    Sugar bee

    mrsnyctola :  I never said that doing emotional labor for your partner is undesirable. I said that women taking on an unequal portion of the emotional labor (and I implied – consistently, over time) is undesirable.

    I think the impetous for taking on the additional emotional labor IS their love for their husband. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But often the outcome of carrying that burden for many years is a growing distance in the relationship – and oftentimes, resentment toward the husband.

    You might enjoy this link for more understanding:

    Post # 142
    9132 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    mrsnyctola :  Feminism is the belief that men and women deserve equal rights and treatment in society.  Not that we *are* equal in every way, because that is simply not true of course, but that we deserve to be treated equally as well.  

    Why are you not a feminist, just out of curiosity?  I don’t mean this as an attack at all.  I’m just genuinely curious why you believe the above statement doesn’t represent you.  Thanks in advance for helping me understand 🙂

    ETA – And yes, to answer the question, I make my husband yummy salads for lunch sometimes.  He likes salads but hates making them.  I’d rather take an extra 3 minutes occasionally to help him eat more veggies and less crap.  Similar to how he will put air in my car tires sometimes, because I like to drive with full tires and not risk blowing them out on the interstate, but often I can’t be bothered to deal with it….  Plus he usually cooks dinner! 🙂

    Post # 143
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    duchessgummybunns :  I don’t disagree with any of that. I just thought it was a bit of a leap to imply you’re mothering your SO if you make lunch for him because he’ll otherwise grab something unhealthy. I would hope that if having to care for your adult spouse as though he’s a child is a pattern in your relationship, you would at least already be somewhat aware of that dynamic given how quickly resentment builds in these sorts of situations. I don’t know that packing leftovers into some tupperware alone is the warning bell that would (or should) set off the sort of introspection you’re suggesting.

    Either way, I don’t personally pack a lunch for my husband (and likely never will), but I’m also not opposed to it based on principle alone as it seems pretty harmless in itself.

    Post # 144
    182 posts
    Blushing bee

    NOPE! its bad enough I’m the only one making dinner!

    Post # 145
    330 posts
    Helper bee

    BalletParker :  Hello, I think you are speaking regarding me. But I never disrespecting feminists. I said I am not a feminist. I do not find deficit center ideas, like the one that emotional labor is not good to do, useful. May be I reject feminists, and their ideas, more then feminism itself. But I do not wish myself to be associated with the ideas of feminists, that I reject. Therefore I say, I am not a feminist. 

    edited: I am sorry I did not see where you say it is not talking to me, I am sorry. I do not think it is nice to say I am weird, but may be I am.

    Post # 146
    330 posts
    Helper bee

    duchessgummybunns :  thank you I will read on this. I am truly grateful. I am much better at reading then I am at writing or speaking, I will like to read this very much.

    Post # 147
    330 posts
    Helper bee

    lolot :  Thank you for asking me about this. I do not wish to make the thread go the wrong way. However I can answer may be smalley. I am one who agrees it is justice that a man and woman have equal right and dignity in the society, but I reject the name of feminist for myself. The reason is that I do not agree with the feminist ideas. I am like an “agnostic” on many question feminist insist there is an answer on. I disagree with deficit approach, which is a common thing with this. I do not like conclusion or idea of radical feminist, liberal feminist, second wave, third wave feminist. All first wave feminist are dead I think. So,  I will not want association with these ideas. So I say I am not a feminist. 

    Post # 148
    367 posts
    Helper bee

    stillme :  OK, this is where you lose me. I make him lunch. He’s capable of it, but I do it. He mows the lawn. I’m capable, but he does it. I’m not a child either, I just dont want to mow the lawn. 

    We split the chores in a way that some apparently find offensive in some way? Sure we could hire someone to mow the lawn, and hire someone to deliver our meals but we like to save and he ENJOYS mowing the lawn and I ENJOY cooking. I guess Im setting women back because I dont want to mow the lawn, shovel the driveway, stack the firewood, all things he does that i dont, not because I am not capable, I just would RATHER make him food than mow the lawn or shovel the driveway or go food shopping or all the things he does. Theres only so many hours, we both do things for each other. The time when i make him lunch he’s feeding the dog. If he made lunch, I’d be feeding the dog.  

    I think everyone needs to do what they’re comfortable with in their relationship and not judge others for their choices. I wont be shamed because I enjoy cooking and he likes mowing the lawn. 

    I think the issue is if a guy is sitting on the couch expecting “his woman” to make him food and she doesn’t want to but does it anyway and allows herself to be taken for granted, and he does nothing to help out and she does everything. I feel we split household chores equally, and both are doing what we want.

    Post # 149
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    BalletParker :  This is BEAUTIFUL!!

    I am also a proud feminist!  I also don’t make lunch for my husband.  These two don’t have anything to do with each other.  More to do with the fact that I am lazy AF and I even just buy my own lunch every day. tongue-out.  Also the few times I have tried making lunch for him (cooked and packed up leftovers), he forgot it every time and I ended up eating it for dinner.  After that I figured out that he just plain doesn’t eat leftovers.

    Post # 150
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yes, I make lunch for my husband, but not to show him that I love him. He makes us coffee and tea while I pack lunches for him, myself, and our LO (who goes to daycare, so his lunch consists of bottles and baby food). It’s just the random way our morning’s break down, and has nothing to do with me being a woman. 

    ETA: And by packing lunch, I mean throwing leftovers into each of our lunch boxes.

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