(Closed) Do you need your SO?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you say that you need your SO in your life?
    Yes : (142 votes)
    62 %
    No : (86 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @FortiesFlare: I don’t NEED him in the sense that I will physically perish if I don’t have him. But he’s my guy, my best friend, and my favourite person.. And I need that in my life

    exactly this! 

    Post # 33
    Member
    2036 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @winstonchurchill:  I agree with your post OP more than anyone elses so +1.

    I used to be VERY dependent on my past relationships, and for some reason just felt like I needed a man to be in my life so I could feel ‘secure’.  

    I think it’s one thing to say that you are very much in love and it’s powerful and you need that love.  It’s another thing to say that if a man turns abusive or cheats you will stay bc you need that person.  I think it’s also scary to be financially dependent on someone else.  No one person should ever ‘need’ another person IMO.  

    Post # 34
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Yes, I do. I am with him because he is everything that I am not and because of that, he really, truly is my better half and I need that balance in my life. Beyond that, we have spent every part of the last four years fully invested, putting everything into building a life together – supporting each other financially, emotionally and physically. To have half of that supporting structure gone it would be devastating.

    Post # 35
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Needing someone doesn’t have to be in conflict with surviving on your own, loving who you are and being secure in yourself. To say we don’t need people is rubbish. Human nature doesn’t do well in isolation, which is why the one of the worst forms of punishment is to isolate a person.

    I am partially who I am because of my husband, and it’s the same for him. Of course each of us would suvive in the purest sense without the other (I watched my mother lose my father after 43 of a loving marriage, when he died at 67). But to say my life would’t greatly be dimished by the loss of my husband would be a lie. So yes, we need each other and that’s certainly more a celebration of our strength than it is an admission of weakness.

    Post # 36
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I voted yes because my life is so mucher richer with him in it.  If he were no longer in my life I would greatly miss him.  I have always felt that if things didn’t work out between him I that I would never be interested in persuing a romantic relationship with anyone else.

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    1400 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I don’t know how to vote.

    Ive always been mostly a fairy strong headed independent woman. I never ever thought I would need a man.

    Now that I found this one, I’m kinda torn on this subject. I would survive without him, even learn how to flourish alone of I had to. But I have no desire too. I like him and I want him on my life. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    11520 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @winstonchurchill:  I need my FH in the sense that he is my centre. I am a strong person on my own, and I can be happy on my own, I don’t need him in order to function and make decisions.  I need him because he makes me a happier person, he makes me smile every day, he makes me laugh every day, he knows exactly what to do to cheer me up or calm me down. I could be on my own, but I could not imagine my life without him in it, so in that sense, I do need him.

    Post # 40
    Member
    9951 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @BelliniChic:  said in Reply # 16

    I didn’t get married until my 40s, so I was single for many long years. I  know how to do “single.” I’ve done the Thanksgiving dinners with friends, the  hobbies and outside interests, traveling with single pals, the clubs and the  volunteering. I’ve done it very well, thank you. In fact I would give myself an  A+. So no, technically I don’t need my husband to survive from a financial or  social standpoint.

    But I voted “yes, I do need him” because my husband is now the center of my  world and I wouldn’t want to think about going through life without him.   Now that I know what it’s like to have a loving, secure marriage with a  devoted husband, I honestly wouldn’t want to live any other way. I absolutely  need him from an emotional standpoint. Like one PP said, just surviving and  getting by is not the same as living a real life. I feel that with Darling Husband, I have a  real home life now. No more coming home to an empty apartment and the sound of  the clock ticking. The thought of losing him — say, due to accident or illness  — is scary. 

    I know one of us will eventually end up without the other. But we’ll cross  that bridge when we come to it.

    100% ALL OF THIS

    I think this is a feeling that a lot of Older Bees (or Encore Bees) have about Marriage… we can do life on our own… but life is soooo much sweeter when you don’t have to

    And once you’ve had a taste of “the good life”… you might never want to go back to being single & alone, no matter how independent that means (marriage is hard work, and sacrifice… but soooo worth it)

    Love is much sweeter the second time around, or when you are older and can truly appreciate what it means to go without it in your life.

    I don’t take love for granted now

    And ya, thinking about the future isn’t like it was in my 20s… filled with wonder & light… the future unknowns now are truly scary and dark, I try very hard to put them aside, and concentrate on THE NOW and what we have… making today as great as it can be for him, and he for me.

     

    Post # 41
    Member
    9130 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I do.  I actually kind of worry about this.  I was raised to be really independent, capable, confident, etc.  But I fell head over heels in love with this guy when I was SIXTEEN.  We have spent a lot of time apart over the years for school and careers, but yeah, I’ve literally been in love with him for 15 years.  My entire sense of self is wrapped up in that.  When I really consider it, I am petrified of how horrible it would be if I lost him  :/

    @This Time Round:  Love this 🙂

    ETA:  But I don’t SAY I need him!  Too independent for that.

    Post # 42
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Parklands, Quendon Hall

    Maybe sad to admit, but I definitely need him. I love him and want him too, but I feel like I’d be broken without him, he has come to be the most important person in my life. He’s my rock and my best friend. I like the feeling of him being literally my other half and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.  Having said that,  I actually don’t think I truly love myself and am happy enough in other areas of my life at the moment not to need him, but I hope to one day be that self-fulfilled as well.

    Post # 43
    Member
    4029 posts
    Honey bee

    I don’t need my Darling Husband, but I want him in my life. My life would not be the same without him, but if we weren’t together I would be fine. I am not financially dependent on him (though life is cheaper when you split costs), I have my own friends/social circles and I am capable of handling all aspects of my life on my own.

    However, life is a lot easier when you can share the responsibilities, burden and weight of the world with someone else. So my definite preference is have my Darling Husband in my life. My Darling Husband in particular is the kind of person I want to be with, in order to fulfill the kind of life I want for myself as well.

    Post # 44
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee

    If you asked me this two years ago, I would have said no. Asking me now? Absolutely yes. It’s like asking me if I need my hands. Yeah. I can go on living without them, and I can still have a great quality of life. But I can’t imagine doing it, and the thought of it horrifies me. 

    He feels like a piece of me, and evn thinking about what it would be like to be without him absolutely crushes my heart. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    1540 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Yes,  I need him. He’s helped me get over some really tough times in my life, and encourages me so much. He means more to me than anything else. I’d rather work at mcdonalds for the rest of my life and live in a little bachelor appt with him, than be super successful and wealthy, but without him. I can’t imagine life without him

    Post # 46
    Member
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @MrsWBS:  Well said. I agree. 

    Is my life so much better because of him? Of course. Could I survive and have a good life without him? Of course.

    I love him, and choose to be with him (hopefully for the rest of ours lives) but I don’t need him.

    The topic ‘Do you need your SO?’ is closed to new replies.

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