Post # 1
Last year, I dated a guy for a couple months and we both followed each other on Instagram. Over time, I would get really annoyed when I went to my following feed and would see him ‘liking’ other girl’s photos. Sometimes it was really innocous but I would still get jealous. I mentioned it once and he said it was no big deal, he just did it mindlessly. We broke up with nothing related to this.
Flash forward to this year, I’ve been dating someone for almost 4 months and never followed him on Instagram because I didn’t want to even bother myself with worrying about whether or not he was liking girls photos because ultimately I realize it’s my own insecurity.
However, yesterday I followed him for first time and low and behold, he had liked a handful of other girl’s photos over the course of last week. Some of them were bikini photos, some were just regular photos, some were group shots, but it made me feel like he is trying to get their attention or telling them he is interested.
What are your bees thoughts on this? Should I just zip the lip and realize this is my own controlling behavior or would this bother you as well?
Post # 2
I think it’s really controlling to monitor someone’s social media behaviour. I have no clue what my husband likes on Instagram, and I’m not about to get pissy at him for liking photos of women, largely because I’d be a massive hypocrite considering the sheer volume of Bradley Cooper pics I like.
I think you need to really ask yourself why this bothers you so much. When it’s a recurring issue it leads me to believe the common denominator (you) is the issue.
Post # 3
I think you need to let it go. If I looked at my Fiance was liking on instagram, I’m 100% certain it would be a bunch of big booty models and all types of stuff. It doesn’t bother me though because A. They don’t want his ass and B. He’s not going anywhere. You definitely do not want to project this kind of insecurity into any relationship, let alone something this new. The guy would run for the hills ASAP. Just take a deep breath and realize that it’s nothing personal, he just liked a picture.
Post # 4
I’m on the fence about that. I don’t have instagram and neither does my fiancé but I imagine that if I did have instagram, I’d probably also “like” pictures that were taken by men or have men in them. I wouldn’t hunt for pics of men in speedos or anything but I guess if I were into surfing or other water-related activities I might also “like” pictures like that. I wouldn’t see that as flirtatious behaviour.
If my fiancé used instagram, I guess he’d probably also “like” pictures of women taking apart computers or holding cute puppy dogs. Why would that be more flirtatious than when I’m doing it?
But then… I really trust him.
A previous partner frequently “liked” other women’s pictures on facebook, chatted to them (and they were not long-termn personal friends) and he also complimented other women on their looks all the time. With him it really bothered me and I later on found out that I was right about feeling bothered.
So it boils down to: do you trust your boyfriend? Has he ever shown any indication that he does anything that goes beyond clicking like on some other person’s picture?
Post # 5
Seriously who has time for that?
Post # 6
My husband doesn’t do social media so this hasn’t been an issue for us. But my best friend has a lot of issues with her husband and social media.
She’s always had lower self-esteem and is recovering from an eating disorder so her husband liking other women’s sexy pictures on Instagram was very upsetting for her. It caused a lot of fights between them and eventually they both deleted all of thier social media accounts.
A lot of women here will tell you to just let it go and that it’s your issue. And that maybe true, it might be your issue. My best friend’s self-esteem and past with eating disorders are her issues, but her husband should be a person who is supporting her and making it easier to deal with those issues, not making it harder. So if you don’t want your partner to like other women’s pictures on Instagram I don’t think that’s asking to much. Because if it bothers you, is it really that big of deal to not like a picture? IDK…I wouldn’t want to be with a man who couldn’t do something as simple as not press the like button on pictures of other women if it would make me happier/more comfortable.
Post # 7
Depending on what he’s liking, honestly I like all sorts of photos. If it was a profile strictly of a chick posting bikini photos that he doesn’t know then yes I might be a little miffed. But honestly I don’t think it would bother me that much since he’s with me.
Post # 8
He’s a big boy, and I trust him. He married me for a reason. I could care less what he does on facebook/instagram. Now if he were mesaging girls to hook up or get additional pictures, then I would be pissed.
Post # 9
I don’t; I looked a bit when we first started dating because I was really insecure from a previous relationship. I found nothing, but we talked about the topic anyways and both agreed that it is super unprofessional to be following/liking accounts that could be seen as risque or inappropriate. We both work in professional settings and don’t need people knowing that sort of thing. So we both don’t follow/like anything that could be considered questionable.
Post # 10
My FH, no, would never even cross my mind to check as I trust him completely. An ex I had – probably because I already knew he was a serial cheater before me. But of course that’s a huge reason (among a million others) that he was cut out of my life. I think if you’re that concerned, there is something going on for you to be that worried. Either he is shady, or you are too paranoid. Either way it’s a horrible way to live constantly worried about it, I lived it. It’ll make you crazy.
Post # 11
I don’t even know how to do this – how to see what someone else is liking
Post # 12
No, I disagree with some of you. If it bothers OP (we all have different thresholds of what bothers us) then she should speak up!
Post # 13
No, he has always had a lot of beautiful female friends. Some I know closely and they’ve become my friends, some I just have heard about (he moved away from home for me so there are a few people he hasn’t seen in person in years) and he will leave nice comments for them if he knows they are going through something or struggling with self image or whatever. He also likes a lot of porn star pictures. Doesn’t bother me.
Some guys have crummy intentions with it, but not all guys. My husband might comment “OH my goodness!! You’re beautiful!!!” Or “Daaaaamn!! You look hot!” on a friends picture and on the surface it looks like he’s being flirty but what outsiders might not know is that girl is struggling with ED and is finally putting on some weight or maybe her father died a few weeks ago and she’s been really depressed. I usually know the personalities/backstory at play and it makes me feel good to be married to a man who wants to build women up for no reason other than he cares about them and wants to make them smile.
But then again, we also check out girls together in public so maybe I’m just really lax and don’t feel threatened by those sorts of interactions. After all, he may call a chick hot but at the end up the day he’s holding my hair back as I puke my guts out from pregnancy and that’s true love.
Post # 14
Haha, we totally do that too. Usually I’m quicker to spot beautiful women though and need to point them out. He appreciates it though. We’re also perfectly honest when it comes to a realistic assessment of our looks. A friend of mine just got married and her pictures are our of this world and I was stressing out about how I will look in our pictures and he basically told me that sure, this other girl objectively is more classically beautiful then me but he’d still much rather be married to me and if I could accept that he isn’t photogenic, then most surely he can do the same.
And whilst I’m not pregnant and puking, he is the one who will hear an exclamation from me and race up and down stairs to find if I’ve hurt myself. And I’m pretty sure he’ll do the hair-holding, too.
Post # 15
Nope, I feel like I have better things to do with my time then go looking at what my husband likes on instargram (if he had one) or facebook.