Do you, personally, "play hard to get?"

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: When you say no does it sometimes mean yes?
    No has always meant no. What's wrong with people? : (62 votes)
    64 %
    In the past no sometimes meant yes, but not any more. : (9 votes)
    9 %
    Sometimes a no is really a yes or a maybe. The game is a turn on. : (14 votes)
    14 %
    This poll does not suffice! : (12 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    I used to when I was younger and more immature (19 -20 yrs old) but I’ve realized that if I want to develop meaningful relationships with my friends and potential romantic relationships, I have to be honest and communicate clearly. I get that “playing the game” works for some people, but I’m not interested in winning those sorts of games.

    Post # 17
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    cbgg :  I only “play hard to get” when I’m in an actual relationship.  We both know I’m playing hard to get, and it can add a bit of spark.

    Would I do it with a new guy?  I don’t think so.  I was considered hard to get because I held guys to a very high standard, and I didn’t put up with any crap.  A no had changed into a yes a few times, but that was due to being put into an ackward situations where it just seemed like my best option.  Though more often than not, I would come up with a stragtegy to end the “activity”.  One time after a bad date, the guy said he was too drunk to drive so he had to stay at my place.  I was feeling a little queesy anyway so I just decided not to fight it and I spent most of the night throwing up.  Lol the guys didn’t try anything and I never returned any of his calls.  I got pretty good at changing situations to shut down unwanted advances without having to directly turn a guy down.  Sometimes a little too good.

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee

    No, not really my thing. Not even in a playful way. Though I tend to do a lot of the initiation.   

    I don’t feel like I know a lot of women who do this either. 

    I think guys like the idea that women play hard to get because then they don’t need to acknowledge it’s more their chosen target getting tired of it and caving. 

    For example if your friend keeps pestering you to watch a movie with them and you finally did was it because you wanted to watch the movie all along? 

    rosydelight :  

    Do you know a lot of woman that do that? 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1975 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

    Before Darling Husband I did do this on a couple of first dates. I wanted sex but it was ingrained in me that you don’t have sex on the first date so I’d try and show a little resistance. In my mind that is very different from me saying I don’t want this even if I’d invited the guy back to my apartment with the intention of sex.

    I find it a shame that we’ve got to a point where we are going to have to verbally agree to every part of a sexual encounter and even then there is the argument that you felt you had to say yes. Men are even filming women and men agreeing to sex so they can’t be accused of rape. Again, even then it can be argued that the person was too drunk to consent. 

    I know many disagree but I find it sad that Aziz’s career is likely over because of the sexual encounter with “Grace’. He should feel embarrassed and learn from it of course but it does a disservice to people who have been sexually assaulted or raped. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    3854 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    EllyAnne :  Unfortunately, men can do a lot worse than this without their careers suffering. He’ll probably be fine.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1975 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

    nonablu :  I don’t think that’s the case in the current climate.  Do you think he’ll come away from this completely untarnished?

    Post # 23
    Member
    9000 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    rosydelight :  

    There are a lot of women who DO do this, even if it’s something I (or most of us answering here) wouldn’t do. 

    What makes you say this ? Haveyou got research data to support it ?  It’s dangerously   close to ‘she’s asking for it” ….   

    Post # 25
    Member
    5208 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2017

    No, I don’t like to play games, either in prior dating life or in my marriage. Mixed messages f people up and then they don’t know what’s right or wrong, how to go about things in relationships. If I’m in the mood I let it be known, if I don’t then no means no. Same thing for hubby. I wouldn’t want to coerce someone into wanting to do something, and it would get old fast. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

    Only in a relationship with someone.  I love to be “convinced”.  Not with a new partner.

    Post # 27
    Member
    5208 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2017

     

    bewitched :  if putting on a face mask and ear plugs is playing hard to get then damn, I am very hard to get!

    Post # 28
    Member
    4566 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

     cbgg :  I’ve always been conscious of not putting myself in situations that can be misinterpreted by any parties. I’ve sadly had friends who have been date raped and I don’t ever want to deal with what they’ve had to go through.

    I’m very clear as a result with my consent and cues. I don’t want to personally play into the scenario of no really means yes. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t. My husband and I probably would’ve had sex on the first night we met, but we didn’t have condoms. I want what I want. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    9691 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Darling Husband can definitely read my body language so he knows when it’s an absolute No. But do I enjoy sort of making the guy work for it…yep. Like I’m really not interested in x activity at the moment, but maybe if you do a good job of convincing me…

    I guess maybe “seduce” is more the right word as pp said. This is in an established relationship as well obviously.

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