Do you prefer people who are blunt or placating?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
8832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

spearmint :  “I admire honesty, and I feel as if it is not a common trait in those around me. Perhaps that’s why I have such few girlfriends and prefer socializing with men.” No. This is not why.

Post # 32
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m blunt. You want the truth, come to me. If I ask for honesty, I want it. 

People will come to me because I tell them like it is. I will say what others think but are too scared to say. It gets me into trouble sometimes, but oh well.

Post # 33
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

spearmint :  my two best friends are pretty blunt and I completely appriciate it. My mum used to placate me and it was a hard lesson going out into the world thinking I was the bee’s knees when I wasn’t!

I’m working on being more straightforward and honest with people because I appriciate when they are to me.

Post # 34
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Unfortunately, a lot of people say they prefer bluntness but then they can’t take it! I’m actually a very blunt person and I probably come off as rude most of the time, but I hate wasting time lying or trying to make you feel better. People’s skins are just not as tough these days.

Post # 36
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

spearmint :  I’m super blunt, but never out of meanness or spite. In fact, I often subscribe to the “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” philosophy, but what I will never do is lie or be fake.

Of course, I also do not have any kind of poker face, so I probably couldn’t even if I tried.

Post # 37
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I’m the worlds biggest hippocrite in this regard. I tend to prefer when people are straight with me, but I am guilty of sugarcoating things because I am almost irrationally afraid of hurting peoples feelings.

Oh the joys of social anxiety!

Post # 38
3379 posts
Sugar bee

I prefer people who are direct and say what they mean and mean what they say. I feel some people say words without paying attention to their meaning, just to fit the situation. Causes all sorts of problems. However, I am not a fan of those who find themselves in sticky situations and have to exclaim, “Well, I’m just being honest!”  That usually means they were just being rude.

Post # 39
5113 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

It’s definitely situation dependent. Sometimes people want constructive criticism or advice. Sometimes people just want to bitch and get a little sympathy. If I want to complain about traffic on my commute, I want a “yeat that sucks” not a “well you shouldn’t have taken a job that far away”. If I’m asking for advice, then yeah I want directness and honesty. 

Post # 40
242 posts
Helper bee

Direct people give you more control in a give-take relationship. If you don’t like direct people, then they aren’t for you. If you do appriciate directness, then you can form lasting relationships.

People who sugar-coat or slant their thoughts to appease you don’t give you that. You don’t ever really know what they are thinking or if their opinions are their own. I find it harder to be really close to people who don’t tell me what they actually think about things.

Like others have said, directness is not a way out from having tact and kindness. My face shows what I’m thinking before I’ve even formed sentences. But that doesn’t mean I say every thought. If it will wound another person, it isn’t worth saying.

Offending people and wounding people is the difference between directness and being an a**hole.

Post # 43
3455 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t enjoy communicating with either type of person. Bluntness for the sake of bluntness shows a lack of social decorum and emotional intelligence, in my opinion. Placating in favor of saying what ought to be said directly shows the same communication flaws. When speaking with me, I prefer if people are honest and direct, but also tactful (and kind wouldn’t hurt either). I try to do the same. For some reason, this has been quite a complicated concept for some people to understand.

For example, I had a relative say at the dinner table, without prompting “this food is extremely salty, I hope I won’t be expected to finish it.” This was after he had said awhile earlier–again, without being asked for his opinion– “that dress looks terrible on you. I’ve never liked strapless dresses. You need to change it right away.” When, like a well-adjusted adult, I told him that I didn’t like how he’d spoken to me, he immediately accused me of wanting him to lie and needing everything sugar-coated. Uh, no. I want you to speak to me with courtesy and respect, which is NOT too much to ask. I had a friend who prided herself on being “blunt” and having “no filter” and was from a family/community/culture that really values speaking one’s mind and views kind speech as “fake.”  In fact, I believe that she intentionally phrased things in a way to offend others because she thought it bolstered her “realness” quotient.  We are no longer friends, in part due to her disrespectful way of speaking and her refusal to take responsibility for hurt feelings that resulted from her “what? I’m just keeping real” communication style. 

Post # 44
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Most of the people I’ve ever met who pride themselves on being “honest”, “blunt”, “straightforward”, or in “telling it like it is” just use these labels as an excuse to be assholes. I’m from the south however, and we generally will just “bless their heart” aloud and leave it at that, with all the implications of those words not spoken, lol. 

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