Post # 46
Most of my friends are pretty blunt and straightforward in a lovingly honest way. I appreciate it – I feel like I waste less time. Interestingly- one of my SILs tends to have a very placating style – it doesn’t make her any less controlling, though. She still wants to share her piece and get her way, she just seems to put up with a lot more bullshit (people) in the process.
My style would definitely be classified as blunt- I make the effort to be diplomatic in my day to day expression of it but it’s hard to go round and round in circles with people I love and watch them suffer and not be able to say “Look- I love you and I’m rooting for you but you are seriously fucking up right now. You can do better. Let’s start today. How can I support you in that? So we can stop doing this.”
Post # 48
spearmint : I’m the same way. Don’t placate me, if you have something to say just rip the bandaid off. The younger girls I work with have never been given any type of criticism or correction in their lives and they come and go from the job on a constant basis.
Off topic: I couldn’t stop laughing, which I do every time I see the word “placating”. I had a Boyfriend or Best Friend about a decade ago who was in law school and didn’t know what placating meant and would use it incorrectly all the time. He wasn’t even consistent with its use. It kept me fairly entertained.
Post # 49
spearmint : I am blunt in my preferred way, I also can’t stand sugar coating and I DESPISE chit chat for this exact reason, it’s SOOOOOOO full of fake pleasantries. I also hate the social gretting ‘hi, how are you’ for the same reason. NO ONE WANTS THE ACTUAL ANSWER. Say ‘fine’ and move on. That’s what you’re supposed to do. So I don’t even ask how are you and you would be amazed at how many people still answer ‘fine thanks.’ to just hello. We’re programmed to be fake.
I digress…but I have been conditioned into being placating because as you mentioned it doesn’t seem to serve me well to speak the truth. It’s only ever backfired for me. So usually I just play dumb like a fox.
Post # 50
Depends on the situation. I generally prefer the truth, but I’ve met a lot of blunt people who are just straight up assholes. Though sometimes the placating ones come across as manipulative, so I think there should be some kind of balance.
Post # 51
I used to be blunt, now I save that pericular personailty trait for my online prescence only. Too many people SAY they want a blunt answer, but straight up can’t handle the truth. In real life, I’m quite diplomatic, smooth and “nice.” I only made this little adjustment about 1.5 years ago and I REALLY notice the difference in how I’m treated. Basically, people like me more if I tell them what they want to hear.
Now, too many blunt people are without tact. You can still say something unpleasant and respectfually, but again, people can’t handle it. They WANT to be able to handle it, but they just can’t.