Post # 1
So I’m not saying that jealousy doesn’t occur and it’s a normal part of life and some people are going to get a bit of the green eyed monster. However I been in a lot of weddings, Moh 1, bridesmaid four times, reader 2. Most of my brides are great, and one of them I no longer speak to since her wedding three years ago. But nearly all of them at one point or another accused either me, a family member, or a bridesmaid of being jealous. Some were legit, most were hmm yeah no it’s about the actual issue at hand, not someone being jealous of you because you are getting married. I caught myself going down this road with one of Fi’s friends girlfriend recently, so I am guilty of it also.
My view is some people will be jealous of course, but I thnk it’s hyped up a lot. I feel some of this “everyone is jealous of the bride” talk, comes from brides getting a little bit of the inflated ego(I expect this to happen to me, who isn’t flattered that someone wants to spend the rest of their life with you, and all of the extra attention!), stress, losing perspective, not figuring out that things and relationships will change for good and bad once you get married. I also think a lot of it has to do with gender, I find it a little insulting the view and thought that marriage is so at the center of a woman’s life that she can’t be happy for a friend if she isn’t in the same position. Marriage is important to me of course but it has not been the central focus in my life.
The biggest people who push this myth I think is other friends and even family, who automatically tell the bride that someone motivations for an action is tied to jealousy. Also it one of those things that are subconsciously bred into people, because it has a lot to do with gender/societal norms and expectations. I’ve never once heard any of my male family members or friends, speak of jealousy when it comes to weddings, yet it is almost always a conversation with female friends and family. Hell for the guys it’s more of a pity party(I hate that too). I love to hear other people’s thoughts on this. I’m adding a poll.
Post # 3
I definately think the whole jealousy thing is hugely over used. Just because there is conflict or people aren’t agreeing with each other, doesn’t mean one of them is jealous. Usually there is a much more rational reason for people to act the way they do, then them being jealous.
Post # 4
I think 99% of the time its created in the persons head
Post # 5
Post # 6
I think it is a very, very rare occasion that someone is actually jealous of someone else’s wedding. People just create this idea in their head because it is easier to think “Oh, she’s just jealous” than to deal with the actual problem at hand.
Post # 7
The second that anyone disagrees with anything the bride says, that person is automatically labelled as “jealous”, which is ridiculous. Say, maybe they just don’t actually LIKE your dress/venue/ring/whatever. Obviously they should have the tact to keep it to themselves, but I think the term “jealous” is thrown around haphazardly to explain away any behaviour that doesn’t fit in with the bride’s ideals and expectations of people.
Post # 8
I think my SIL was kind of jealous of my wedding, and I was kind of jealous of hers lol, so we’re even.
Post # 9
I can confess to being jealous of brides with larger budgets, even my friends who are also wedding-planning. Or whose families are contributing more, or where groom’s families pay for the honeymoon, etc. I had to stop reading those “how much are you paying for your wedding” threads because they were making me crazy, haha.
But yeah I don’t think random people are jealous of the fact that you’re getting married, that’s so silly.
Post # 10
I think the whole attitude of jealousy and the “oh dear, it’s okay, she’s just jealous!” thing is an overblown, sugar coated response to the fact that some people just don’t like you or your things. Not everyone loves, respects, and adores all of each other’s choices and actions.
ETA: Not “you” as in the OP, but anyone. Lol 🙂
Post # 11
Post # 12
I think the whole jealousy thing is overused.
I only know one person who is legit jealous of me and that’s because she wants my FH and she has always had some kind of competition with me? Like she likes to gloat that she’s been living with her boyfriend longer and she keeps harassing me for a wedding date so she can set hers before me. It’s childish and I don’t play into it, but that’s the only tine jealousy had been a real thing.
Post # 13
I’m sure sometimes jealousy is a factor, but not the extreme that some people assume. It kind of irks me seeing “MOH is being weird lately, is she jealous of me?”
Maybe try considering the fact that there might be other factors in her life causing her to be weird, don’t automatically assume it’s because she’s hating on the fabulousness that is your life.
Post # 14
I was upset when my my best friend got engaged…it had nothing to do with me being jealous of her wedding. It’s because I really don’t care for her now husband and was sad she was making this huge mistake marrying him.
Post # 15
@KatyElle: Sums up how I feel too.
Post # 16
I actually find this automatic reaction rather high-schoolish (aka emotionally immature) and egocentric.
I agree it is possible to have an issue with something that is not at all tied to jealousy. I can quite honestly say anytime I ever “questioned” someones choices regarding an engagement, wedding or marriage it has never been out of jealousy and definitely not out of wanting to be “them”! It has usually been more of a “what the f*** are they thinking?”!