Post # 32
I think this question is impossible to answer – I mean we can only Use our personal experiences to answer this and some people may be lucky and have amazing friends while others not so much. I personally have one acquaintance in my life that I believe is jealous, and everyone else has been great. I’m basing this on the fact that she has been repeatedly making nasty comments on absolutely everything (so I doubt it’s just a matter of a difference in taste), and has started posting wedding ideas for her “dream wedding” on Facebook right after I got engaged.
The fact that multiple posters on this board admit they’ve beem jealous of another’s wedding is proof that it’s not just a fabricated emotion – it’s a normal emotion to experience every once in awhile, the difference is some people keep it to themselves and some turn nasty as a result of it.
I don’t know about the whole “egotistical” thing – Of course if a bride is going around telling everyone that her firends are so jealous then yeah that’s ego…but I’d like to think that those brides that are posting to an online anonymous wedding community asking for help in dealing with unkind people, it’s probably that they’re genuinely wanting to understand this whole jealousy thing (and whether it’s actually happening or it’s somethig else).
And I think in terms of gender, of course men don’t get jealous of each other as often – it’s because men and women are different! Guys get riled up about lots of other stuff.
Post # 33
I believe the jealousy exists amongst friends and among relatives to some degree, im not saying its the explanation for ALL cases of weird or different or uncooperative behavior.
But the truth is at some point someone may be jealous of you in general, or of your wedding budget, or your dress, or your venue, or of the fact that you are getting married and they are not. It just happens sometimes…I do believe though its mostly a passing feeling, not that they arent happy for you or anything like that.
I really hope I don’t encounter any of it when my time comes around, but that whole thing does exist in some cases, so anything is possible…
You find out who your real friends are when something really bad happens or when something really good happens. That’s what I’ve learned.
Post # 34
It seems to me that in most of the “My BM/MOH/friend/cat is jealous of me” posts, the problem actually centres around a self-involved bride who assumes everyone wants what she has. And typically that isn’t the case.
I have never known someone who was so jealous of my or anyone else’s wedding that they actively tried to ruin it. Honestly, that seems utterly ridiculous to me. If someone is that jealous of you and that toxic then would you ask them to be in your wedding anyway? Seems like you’re just asking for trouble.
I completely agree with PP that a lot of the times people just have other stuff going on in their lives and your wedding isn’t the centre of their universe.
Post # 35
Yeah, I eye-roll SOOOOO hard when I see “so and so is being a bitch to me, she’s jealous”.
Usually not the case. Probably not the case.
Sure, I’ve had twinges of envy at other people’s ability to afford things that I cant, and I think thats fairly normal, but I think the vast majority of people never act on those feelings or treat the person differently. In fact, they might even say “ooooh you’re so lucky, Im jealous”… not tell you that you’re being a self absorbed asshole. If they tell you that, it MIGHT be because you’re being a self absorbed asshole 🙂
Post # 36
I HATE when people automatically jump to, “She’s jealous of me!” My FCIL is the world’s worst when it comes to that. When she got engaged, if a person didn’t scream and giggle and act like they were just over the moon about her announcement, then she’d call me and be like, “Why is everybody so jealous of me?” Now, she’s pregnant. One of her friends cannot naturally conceive and wants a child more than anything else in this world. I’ve learned a lot about the emotions surrounding TTC struggles from reading these boards. Of course, when FCIL told her friend she had gotten a BFP, the friend wasn’t exactly shouting from the rooftops. I had lunch with FCIL and she said, “Why is she so jealous of me?” I had to kindly explain that rubbing her fertility in her friend’s face was a horrible thing to do, and that she needs to give this person time to come around. But, she still keeps on with the jealous thing. If anybody doesn’t act like they’re gonna croak from excitement over her pregnancy, she says that. That’s why, when she told me, I faked an enormous reaction. I was genuinely happy, but probably not as happy as I let on. I just don’t want her getting it in her head that I envy her, at all.
As far as my wedding goes, I don’t think anyone is jealous of it. At least, I hope no one is, because there is no reason to be. This wedding has drained the life out of me.
Post # 37
I would say 99.8% aren’t jealous…I think there are always a few people who have a bit of jealousy, but of those, most of them keep it to themselves…
Post # 38
I think personally no one will be jealous of me but they will be a little jealous of my wedding because im having all these spectacular foods, favors, and things that most brides would never do lol.
Post # 39
I don’t think I’ve ever been accused of being jealous and I’ve definitely never accused anyone of being jealous. I think for the most part, everyone is just excited for the wedding and festivities. I think often when folks that are single (or maybe in a bad relationship) see 2 people that are clearly in love with each other and have a happy, loving, respectful, committed etc. relationship, people kind of wish for that for themselves but from what I gather, it is all coming from a place of love.
And when the wedding happens, I can’t imagine people getting jealous of the actual wedding (like size, decor, food, venue..whatever). I think everyone will be just happy to be there having a great time with great friends and great food and great music. It should be a pretty awesome time had by all!
Post # 40
I’m sure people do get jealous of other’s weddings, but it is a bit overused as an excuse for any arguement/disagreement. I have a bridesmaid who is, I wouldn’t say jealous, but maybe envious [that’s still not the right word]? She has not [and I’m positive will not] make a big deal out of anything, but she’s been with her boyfriend for 8 years, and they’re still not engaged. She’s been ready for it for a long time, so I think she’s a little envious that it’s happening to me after 2 years with my Fiance. But, I don’t think it’s me she’s envious of, just any wedding in general.
Post # 41
Honestly 90% of people who accuse another woman of being jealous of her, or anything related to her wedding is being dumb/defensive. Seriously because I don’t care for halo rings i’m jealous of yours? Lets get real here ladies.
Some things it’s natural to get jealous over- someone whos been having trouble TTC and sees other people getting pregnant. Jealous? Perhaps but righfully so.
I get jealous when I see people getting pregnant, or when I see a Bee discussing weather or not she wants to quit her job and be a SAHM/W. Not in a “I hate you and everything you stand for way” but I wish I could have that.
Jealousy is overused, so I think people have seriously lost the meaning of it
Post # 42
One of my bridesmaids has has several meltdowns that have led me to conclude she is not jealous of my wedding, but that the fact that she is not getting married and she has multiple weddings to attend this year of people close to her age. I’m not so egocentric to think her jealousy is just because of my wedding is so awesome (it is though ).
Post # 43
Jealousy is a real emotion and it makes people act in strange ways. I’m sure there are people out there who want to be married, and seeing someone else engage in the spectacle of a wedding makes them envious. Of course this happens. For every good thing in the world, there are people who want it, who can’t have it, and who are jealous of those who do. Why would a marriage and/or wedding be any different?
That said, it should also be equally obvious that not every disagreement or strange behavior is because of jealous. Sometimes people genuinely disagree (though if they’ve been polite enough to keep their disagreements about other aspects of your life to themselves up to this point, it’s a fair question to ask what’s different about now). Sometimes the bride is showing bad behavior that makes others react negatively. Some people are just miserable people and act badly as a matter of course. Sometimes it’s a misunderstanding.
I don’t think anyone I know is jealous of my getting married, though, or at least they aren’t showing any behavior like that. Lucky me. 🙂
Post # 44
Every time someone uses “jealousy” as an excuse for bad behavior, I roll my eyes. Sorry ladies, find the real problem.
Post # 45
Those people happy with their lives won’t be jealous. Of course among the guests there will be some people that for some reasons aren’t happy with what they have and what they are and consequently won’t be too happy to share the bride and groom’s happiness.
Post # 46
I can only think of one person who I truly think is jealous of us getting married, and that is my brother’s gf. She never even said congratulations when we announced it, and has just been a giant b*tch ever since then. She’s terribly spoiled and self-centered though so I guess I should have expected it. Otherwise I would never blame someone’s behavior on being jealous of my wedding, I think that’s pretty silly most of the time.