(Closed) Do you regret not being a SAHM? or being one?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

My baby is now 18. I never had choice, but I would have loved being a Stay-At-Home Mom, at least for the first 3-5 years. You have a baby. Then you blink and that baby is a young adult. You don’t get that time back.

I beat all the odds to get the education I have. The thing hing is, my education will always be there. I’m also in a field I will always have a job in. I can see how it could be more conflicting if you are in a field that is competitive or difficult to get into.

Post # 3
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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MrsAlvey:  I would love to be a Stay-At-Home Mom if we could afford it, at least doing what my own mom did, which was stay home until we were both in elementary school. Then she went back to work, with modified hours. Unfortunately, we are currently living in an area where I haven’t been able to work in my career field and just got a temporary job to help out as much as possible so our savings has been a bit depleted. That means I’m pretty sure I won’t get to stay home with the first kid. But we are moving soon to an area where I can go back to my job and help build our savings back up and pay a couple things off. Then hopefully I can stay home with #2? Mr Evergreen will have advanced in his career by then so he’ll be making more also.

Post # 4
Member
3751 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I chose to go back to work full time after my son was born and I don’t regret it a single bit. I love my job and do really well at it and would miss it if I left. I need the “adult time” outside of the house. I only have to come into the office 3 days a week and work from home the other 2 and keep him with me. I’ll tell you, the work from home days are the hardest!! He’s getting more and more mobile and needs a lot of attention so work is a struggle. It’s exhausting. Even during maternity leave I found myself losing it being home with him all day everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my son, he’s amazing and we already have another on on the way, but I am just not Stay-At-Home Mom material. It just is what it is. There is nothing wrong with going back to work or choosing to stay home, either one is great, you just have to make the right choice for YOU, not what everyone else in the world thinks is the right choice. If you love your job, love to work, I say stay in it at least in some capacity, even if that means part time. It’s worth it. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee

Oh, this is a loaded question! There and up sides and down sides to both. I personally had two babies in two years and being home full time with them was really tough. Sometimes I thought I was gonna lose my mind, and couple that with little sleep and a constantly messy house…. ugh….it was much easier to go to work when you could pee by yourself 🙂  It was a very difficult transition (for me personally) to go from career gal to a stay at home mom.

Still, I wanted to be there for my kids… the previous poster is SO right in that the time goes by so quickly and before you know it your babies aren’t babies any more. You will miss a lot and you don’t get that time back.

Is working part time an option in your field? I work 3 days weekly and I love it. I feel like I have one foot in each camp. My kids are elementary school aged now and I have 2 days weekly to volunteer at school, get them to soccer, etc. I also have 3 days weekly of doing a job I love, using my education/ degree. Being there 3 days weekly also means that I stay outta the office politics/drama becasue I show up, do my job and head home. 🙂 This is a really nice balance for me…. and I highly recommend it if it is feasible in your profession.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  SmartCookie1.
Post # 7
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee

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MrsAlvey:  I’d do your homework in advance about p/t options if this is really something that you are interested in. Talk to some others in your field who could likely better advise you about possible options… and what that would look like in reality. For me…. even though I work part time, I am really not just limited to those 3 days that I am in the office. I frequently check email from home so that I know what is going on, and then I make good use of those days when I am actually in the office. If it didn’t do that I couldn’t stay on top of things and it would take me hours just to go in and read the plethora of emails that had been piling up.  In reality, I work far more hours than I am compensated for- but to me I would rather do this than to have to go in full time.

 I can also tell you that it’s impossible to work from home when you have a baby….your job will be expecting you do actually get things done and after dealing with a wee one for hours on end…. I often napped when my daughter did. I NEEDED to! there was no way I had enough band width to actually engage my brain and think about things other than, do we have enough diapers? do I have clean clothes to wear? Is there food in the fridge? LOL!

Post # 8
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have always aspired to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but we live in a very high cost of living area, so I ended up purchasing investment property before getting engaged to create a passive income stream.

Ideally once we have little ones, I’ll stay home and have the rental income from my (now three) properties replace my traditional income.

I will probably want to return to the workforce post-elementary school for our (hypothetical) youngest, so I’m glad my industry allows for some flexibility in returning to the workforce.

Post # 9
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have no desire to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but I’m also frustrated by the all-or-nothing approach we have to take in the US (for most jobs, anyway). My ideal would to be able to take at least 6 months of maternity leave, or at least take 3 months and then ease back in part time for awhile. But if I want to keep my job (and I do!) I can take 12 weeks and then go back to a 40-hour schedule. And I think that sucks, and is too abrupt, especially for a baby that new. In the long term, I think working full time is what will be best for both me and my baby, but in the short term, such an all-or-nothing approach really makes it hard on both mom and baby.

Post # 11
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

I regretted not being home with my babies every single day, and I still do at ages 4 and 6. It would literally cause me anxiety to leave them even though they never went to daycare but I knew they needed me. HOWEVER, I am thankful it never worked out as my ex started having affairs after we had kids and I am so thankful that I remained financially independent and was able to leave when I wanted. 

Post # 12
Member
2761 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

After my mat leave ran out with my oldest I tried to go back to work. I lasted 3 weeks, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I was missing so I quit my job and have been a sahm for about 6 years now. I have 3 kids, so daycare costs would be huge and I wouldn’t be happy being away from them. I don’t have any family that would be able to watch them if I had a job, so I would always be wondering if they were being taken care of.  There have been tough times both stress wise for me being with my kids 24/7 and financially, but I am 100% happy with my decision. having these early years together to play and do fun things had been awesome. 

I have been working from home a little but over the years, I’d do it late at night or early in the mornings just little contract projects to help out financially. 

Everyone is different, I have a friend who opted to go back to work before her mat leave was up just because she missed it so much. Whatever you do you can still be a great mother! 

Post # 13
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I will share my experience. 🙂

I love my job, and it’s a great job (flexible, interesting, challenging, pays well).  I was lucky in that I took over 4 months off of work with my first, and then went back with reduced hours (32 per week).  When I did go back it was so nice to be appreciated outside of the home and have adult interaction!  Seriously, SAHM’s of little ones do not have it easy.  That being said, it turned out that my son hated daycare and we ended up having to get him in a nanny.  At times it was super stressful and I wanted to just quit (about a billion times) so that I could be with him.  Then, a little after he turned 1 we put him back in daycare (which is now more like school!) and he loves it!  The difference is night and day.  The rest of the developed world is really on to something with their extended maternity leave benefits!  He was now developmentally ready to have some time at school away from home without being stressed.  He learns new things every week and he enjoys shorter days because I work less hours too.  If it was just going to be DS I think I would continue to work my 32 hours, but now we are expecting #2 and I would LOVE to take the first year off at least.  After my first experience, the ideal situation for me would be to stay home until #2 can head off to school and enjoy it as much as our oldest does.  At this point I am going to cross that road when I get there.  I hope my work likes me enough to negotiate extended time off, or to work out something else (maybe work from home 16 hours per week until #2 turns 1)… but if not I am willing to quit and be a Stay-At-Home Mom until the time feels right to go back to work.

My suggestion is to plan to stay home (financially) but don’t make any decisions until you are there.  You can always go back to work and then decide it’s not right for you, but it would much harder to quit ahead of time and then try to go back.  The 12 weeks of maternity leave will give you a good idea if you are cut out for the Stay-At-Home Mom life.  Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom and I do not regret it. Do I miss my career? Yes. I loved my job so much and all my coworkers and school community (I was a teacher). Unfortuantely I worked in a Catholic School so I made next to nothing. It didn’t make sense for me to teach and have almost my entire salary go towards child care which is VERY expensive in my area. Luckily DH makes enough for us to be very comfortable only on his salary. I didn’t have plans to go back and am glad I didn’t because we’re now trying for #2. I also don’t think I could give 100% to either if I had tried to do both. For a lot of people they can leave their job at work, for me I did a lot of prep and stuff at home and was basically “on call” for my student’s parents until around 9 or 10pm each evening. 

I do wish there was some way to be able to do it all, but I know in real life it’s not possible for me. So being a Stay-At-Home Mom is wonderful and I feel very blessed to do so!

Post # 15
Member
8008 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am a Stay-At-Home Mom, although I did things backwards and worked full time until my oldest was 10 and my youngest was 2- then I stayed home! I’ve been home with them a year and a half now and I’m enjoying every minute of it. It is not for everyone and I would never judge a mom either way. In case you were wondering, being a working mom was 100% harder for me than being a Stay-At-Home Mom.

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