(Closed) Do you regret not being a SAHM? or being one?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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mightywombat:  Totally agree with you. The fact that many of us have to choose one or the other (regarding the U.S.) is just frustrating and unfair. I will only get 6 weeks with our son before returning to work (I take responsiblity…we elected to move and I’ll begin work in a new district at 5 months pregnant), but it won’t take away the feelings I’ll have at having to return full time to keep my job when my baby is so young.

I’m 17 weeks, so haven’t had to make this choice and couldn’t right now. We are very lucky that with my new job I’ll earn more and due to this and a good living situation DH will be able to be a Stay-At-Home Dad while returning to school. Our deal is that since he gets to experience this with our son (he’s always wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Dad, at least for a bit, when our kids are young), that with our second baby (several years off), I will get to do the same. I’m a teacher, so it’s much easier in my profession to step out for a year or two and return and I want that experience. I wouldn’t want it for a long time, but maybe a year or two. I don’t think I’ll ever regret with this baby or any future that one of us was able to stay home and raise them through those precious baby/little kid years.

Post # 17
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t regret being a working mom. I have never wanted to sah. It’s just not for me. Prior to moving companies I was working part time which was the perfect balance. it also cconfirmed that sah ft would not make me happy! Hoping I can go back to pt once we have another baby. 

Post # 18
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I am not pregnant nor do I have any children but I find this thread very interesting. Im getting married next August and definitely want kids in the future. I am already stressed about how to make work and home balance with children and like I said im not even married yet. lol. I work in DC (pretty expensive cost of living) and work in a highly competitive and political job. If I was to take 6 months off my job would no longer belong to me. Thats just how politics works. Someone is always ready to jump in and take your spot. I applaud you ladies for making this decision whether working, staying at home, or doing a little of both. I already know when this time comes I’ll need to be in new a job becuase it just won’t work for my current one. eveyone i work with has children but they are all teenagers or college age. no one has babies at my job but the men working here. I guess the moms know its just not possible in my office…or its not worth it. i think the key is finding a flexible job. 

Post # 19
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I don’t regret being a working mom.

I always wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. When we had our first though, it didn’t make a lot of sense financially (daycare is about 1/3 of my monthly pay). I’m Canadian too so I had lots of time off with my daughter (10 months, DH took 2 months). Now that we are hoping to have another child by next summer if all goes well and DH is making a bit more money, he is suggesting I stay at home. Surprisingly I don’t think it’s a good idea. Preschool starts at 2.5 where our daughter goes which means, since I want to send our kids to preschool, that’s only a year and a half after maternity leave, then it would be back to work, if I could get a job. Maybe if I had done it with two or three kids where i’d be off for 5 years or more, it would make more sense. I also see how much my daughter loves daycare and I can see how much she’s learning and the social aspect is great.

One thing I suggested to a friend of mine who was on the fence about being a Stay-At-Home Mom was to go back to work and if she found it wasn’t working out then at least she knew.

Post # 20
Member
9802 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I work.  I think I would stay home if I really could but I personally wouldn’t be comfortable doing that without making lots more $$ lol where I could quit but still work for my DH’s business some.  Even if I stayed at home, I would probably send them to daycare part time (maybe 2 days a week) after they’re a year or so because a lot of the nice daycare centers are wonderful at teaching, doing crafts, and socializing kids.  So in this case, I would want to have some work to do and be able to still put similar amounts of $$ into my own retirement plan.  We’re not there yet and I make decent money and carry all of our insurance benefits for much cheaper than DH could get being a small business. 

It would be nice to have my LO an extra 2 days a week (so 4 days with her)  but I won’t lie…being with her all day is WAY MORE WORK than my job.  She is exhausting some days.  At work I get to come in, have breakfast, hot coffee, quiet, and adult interaction. 

So I think if given the opportunity I would like to stay at home part time and still send them to daycare 2 days a week (after they’re 1-1.5 years old) while I did other work for DH, errands, and cleaning   Best of both worlds??  I think my head would explode if I had toddlers 24/7…really great daycares are fantastic for teaching and interaction with others.

Post # 21
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

I took off the first year of my kids’ lives.  I would not want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom and I have no regrets. I would probably go insane.

Post # 22
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I am a sahm now, I have finished high school, gone to college and worked while having my 2 daughters but now I am preganat again and we can not afford the day care cause for  1 baby full time and 2 children before and after care.  Sometimes being a sahm is very boring more so because last year was my youngest first year of school. But its amazing being able to be there for every thing I am the last person they see before they go to school and the first when they come out I get to be there for the school trips and all the specail events. Sometimes I do wish I was still working but nothing can replace the moments I have had with my children

 

Post # 23
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m currently pregnant, so we’ll have to see how things go.

I grew up with a single mom who always worked full time. I went to in-home daycare with a family friend until I was old enough for Montessori school (I think 2-3?). Then full day Montessori/Kindergarden. Then, when I started elementary I either went to a in-home daycare after school or, later, had a neighborhood babysitter after school. Starting in middle school I was home alone after school until my mom got off work – this lasted through high school. I loved daycare/Montessori school/babysitters and never had any problem with my mom working. She had a good job, so she could take time off if I was sick or had a school play or whatever. She was a fantastic mom and I never felt slighted because she didn’t stay at home. And I loved going to camps in the summer!

My husband’s mom stayed home until he and his twin went to Kindergarden and then she went back to teaching elementary school. He liked having his mom stay at home but never had any issue when she went back to work.

We’re currently pregnant and plan to both return to work after leaves. I’m taking 12 weeks then he’s taking 12 weeks, after mine. Then we’ll both be back at work full-time and kiddo will be in a daycare center. Personally, I don’t think I would enjoy being a Stay-At-Home Mom. I love my job and think I would have a difficult time being home alone with a baby for much of the day. But we’ll see once the kid gets here. My husband would be much more suited to be a Stay-At-Home Dad, but he’s invested a lot in his degree/career and doesn’t want to give it up. I think our absolute ideal would be for us each to work 4 days per week when kid is young, then send kid to daycare 3 days per week. Since we’re only planning to have one, we both think the socialization from daycare will be important. But we’ll have to see how that works out in the future. We’re hoping to move and, thus, both be in new jobs sometime in the next couple years, so it’s something we can look at, but we aren’t dead set upon. 

Post # 24
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would LOVE to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but it won’t be a possibility for us. Still, I work from home 100%, so there’s that. I feel very fortunate for that (although I do have to travel a lot for work…but will get a break in the first year-ish). IDK how I’ll really feel til I have a baby though.

Post # 25
Member
2723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

I don’t regret being a stay at home mom…it was the best decision for my two kids. I’ve been a sahm for 6 yrs now. What I do regret is not getting my degree before having kids. I’m going to school again and I’m loving it. But it’s hard to balance things sometimes. 

Post # 26
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I currently work full time from home and am pregnant with our first.  After the baby is born I plan to be a Stay-At-Home Mom but still work a few hours per week to suppliment our income.  My husband makes enough money to support us both.  My job doesn’t pay a lot, I don’t love it and I don’t have a lot invested as far as schooling and career advancement.  I could go part time for sevearl years and then go back full time down the road with no problem.  However, if we were in a different situation, I don’t know that I would be a Stay-At-Home Mom.  I wouldn’t do it if we couldn’t live comfortably or if I had a lot invested in my career or if I really loved my job.  This choice is so unique for everyone and their indivdual situations!  I like the previous suggestion of you trying to go back to work and see how you feel about it.  That way if you end up being a Stay-At-Home Mom, you’ll know you made the right choice for you! 

Post # 27
Member
7645 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I had my University degree and a successful career, and we chose for me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. We had actually planned it before we were ever married, as it was important to both of us. We have three children, and I was home full time for about 10 years. After that I went back to work part time, and I will now be working full time during school hours, maintaining the schedule as my kids. My DH travels for work, so I need to have the same hours as my children have.

I do not regret for a minute the time I spent at home with my children. It was without question the best decision for my kids and our family as a whole.

Post # 28
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I loved my job but wish I could have had some kind of maternity leave and at least cut back to even 3/4 time. (Small business, I was the Director.)

Despite the commonly held belief that it’s most beneficial to be home when children are babies I argue the opposite–it was easier for me to leave them with a wonderful caregiver when they were sleeping much of the day. I was lucky to have someone almost like family to leave my babies with until they could go to Montessori at 2 1/2. Start looking now!

The older they get the more they need companions on field trips, help with homework, rides to practices and lessons, attendance at concerts and games, general guidance, etc. I’m recently self-employed with three teenagers, one heading to college in the fall, and really wish I’d been able to do it sooner.

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