Post # 1
I’m going to attempt to make a thread even though the new Bee format is still all furked up and I don’t know if anyone will comment on it. We shall see how this goes.
I was raised in the Catholic church until I was around 7 years old, which basically means that my only real experience with organized religion was when I was too young to fully understand what the hell was going on. I do have some very distinct memories, though — specifically, I remember going to confession a few times as a child. And as I think back on my ridiculous behavior during those confessions … ah. I can only laugh.
One time, I remember confessing to refusing to play Mouse Trap with my little brother. I don’t remember what the sentence was for this crime, but I’m sure it was severe. You can’t just walk around refusing to play Mouse Trap with people. That’s cruel.
Another time, I remember telling the priest that I had done nothing bad since my last confession. I mean I sat there with my brow furrowed, rifling through my entire memory trying to come up with one little crime to confess to, but I had nothing. NOTHING. So the priest started asking me questions, trying to pry up something to make me say Hail Marys over. “Have you disobeyed your parents?” “Nope.” “Have you fought with your siblings?” “Nope.” “Have you shirked your responsibilities at school?” “Nope.”
Finally, he asked me if I enjoyed going to church and I gave the little-kid-equivalent answer to “of course not; am I supposed to?!” The priest seemed relieved that we had finally come up with SOME sin. He ordered me to say 10 Our Fathers, which I did not say because I didn’t think being bored at church was a sin. (I also apparently didn’t think disobeying a priest and refusing to do penance was a sin.)
It’s no wonder I didn’t stick with the faith, I guess.
What were your funniest/weirdest confession/church moments as a child?
Post # 4
jny1179: you’re so right — it’s like the priest wouldn’t be satisfied until you had confessed to double rape homicide. It didn’t help that I had zero understanding of why I had to confess anything to this dude in the first place. I was like, God saw whatever I did so why don’t you just ask Him instead? He probably remembers better.
Post # 2
iarebridezilla: I tripped up the steps to take my first Communion in front of the whole church, but I don’t remember what I confessed haha
I stopped going to church when I was around the same age as you and have only gone a handful of times since then.
Post # 3
I hated confession!! It was so awkard. I would say I fought with my brother and sister, didn’t listen to my parents, the priest would be like “and…. and…” and I’d just make stuff up to make him happy. It’s just so wrong!!
Post # 5
Haha…I was raised Catholic (went through all that hoopla as a child anyway) but I can’t remember any of my confessions. Probably just fighting with my brothers or not listing to my parents. It’s so weird they have you do that as a 7 year old. Yours are pretty funny. I’m agnostic now so I certainly haven’t been in a looong long time.
Post # 9
RedheadMeggs: HA!!!! That’s hilarious. From the mouths of babes, eh? Where the heck did we even come up with this stuff?
annb9: well, if you didn’t eat your broccoli then you already weren’t going to heaven so what does it matter anyway?
Post # 10
kes18: it does seem weird to think about how young we were and being sent to confession. Isn’t the whole point of it that you do it VOLUNTARILY? Haha all had to wait in line to go see the priest and I would spend my time in line practicing what I was going to say, like I was preparing for a test or something. Catholic school and me did not mix.
Post # 6
The only time I ever went to confession was when I had my 1st Reconciliation, or whatever they called it. I remember freezing and only being able to come up with “I didn’t eat my broccoli last week.” Later, I remembered being mean to my sisters, lying, etc., and was convinced for weeks that the priest knew I was a liar and that I would never get into heaven. Luckily, my parents never made me go back!
Post # 7
iarebridezilla: I don’t know if this counts but I went to a nursery school in our presbyterian church. I was either 3 or 4 and told them that I would play with knives in the kitchen while my mom watched soap operas lmao!! My mom NEVER in her life watched soaps and I had no access to the knives. wtf!?
Post # 8
iarebridezilla: I was raised Catholic. Confession was terrifying. I made up fake sins to confess, no way was I telling that priest my real ones.
Post # 11
I really wish these comments weren’t showing up in completely random order.
Post # 12
iarebridezilla: LOL! That’s pretty bad when a priest is practically making up sins to gain a confession, & from a child no less. He must have been so pleased with himself.
By The Way, I’ve been in & out of church my whole life, & while I’m a Christian, I’ll still confess that sometimes church IS boring. That’s why there are so many jokes & references about falling asleep during sermons… Zzz… I’d rather watch it on TV so I can at least pick the speaker & topic, but anyways.. Moving on.
Confessions confessions…? Why can’t I think of anything? I’ll get back to you on this..
Post # 13
iarebridezilla: Your Mousetrap story is hilarious! I can relate to this, as I was also raised Catholic. I remember fretting about confession and planning in advance what I would say to the priest.
The very first time I confessed (before First Communion), I told the priest that sometimes I would fall asleep during mass. He gave me the usual, “10 Hail Marys, yadayada” then ended with, “…and try to stay awake.”
Post # 14
iarebridezilla: haha thats great! ive got a really weird one. i confessed to witch craft when i was like 11. this was after sandra bullucks practical magic came out. i liked a boy and put a spell he would brake up with so and so…. wonder what the priest thought of that… i def had some prayers to do and not to ever do it again… by the way they broke up haha. i am still catholic and not a witch in case you were wondering.
Post # 15
I was raised Orthodox, and I think there’s not as much of an emphasis on Confession, but it’s still a sacrament. I confessed once or twice as a relatively young teenager, and all I remember is that it was awkward as hell. I went to church almost every Sunday until I was 18, and the last few years I knew it was sooo not for me, but it was easier to go than resist my mom. I’m kind of happy I fell in love with a nice Jewish boy because I didn’t really have to explain to my mom why I don’t want to get married in a Greek Orthodox church. She knows that I don’t really identify as Christian, but I don’t think she realizes just how completely I disagree with all 3 Abrahamic religions.
Anyways, I do try to respect religions, and yesterday I emailed a Priest to make sure incorporating a certain thing from the Greek Orthodox ceremony into my secular one wouldn’t be blasphemous, and his response was kind of of course not silly girl, so woohoo.