(Closed) Do You Resent Your Fiance?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
4204 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

@jtaylor18:  I waited for 4 years, and It was a really tough wait. But once he proposed and I realized he made that decision on his own and really WANTED to get married – that this wedding is for BOTH of us, not just what I want so he’ll do it (which I thought I would have been OK with) I was really glad he waited! Although the waiting TOTALLY sucked, it was completely worth it to see him look forward to our wedding!

Post # 18
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Wow, absolutely not.  I wouldn’t marry someone I resented, in any way, shape, or form.

Post # 19
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didnt have to wait long. I would NOT have waited long after my previous relationship and seeing my friends give their SO’s all these walk dates and threats. My husband proposed to me before I even really thought about it!

Post # 20
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No, I wasn’t resentful. He proposed on our 7 year anniversary, and realistically I had probably been waiting for maybe 2 years at that point, But I wanted it to be on his terms, in his time when he was ready. I didn’t want to pressure him or give him an ultimatum because leaving him is not what I wanted! He totally surprised me still, I had no idea it was coming and it was the perfect proposal.

Post # 21
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

No. I was getting very frustrated and paranoid while waiting, and honestly, sometimes I did resent him. But once he asked, that all went away. We even broke up after two years for about two and a half months because I was worried it just wasn’t going to happen (for a variety of reasons), and looking back, I am glad that happened, because we needed to see what life was like without each other. He proposed after three years and five months, not counting the time we were apart (we didn’t go on any dates with other people, etc.). Now is definitely the right time. My parents actually were engaged and broke off their engagement for a few months. They were miserable and got back together. They were married for 30+ years, until my dad passed away. I think the timing has to be right, and sometimes the bad times, the waiting, etc., make you appreciate what you have and give you a chance to work out the kinks in your relationship.

Post # 22
Member
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jtaylor18:  I was starting to, but as soon as he proposed all that went away, I don’t care at all how long he made me wait (we were together 8.5 years).  I make fun of him for it frequently, and it’s a bit of a joke – his friends and coworkers were bugging him for a couple years too, he just wanted my ring to be perfect, and it is.

Post # 23
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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@LoggerHead91207:  +1!

It was 6 years for Fiance and me. I was going absolutely crazy waiting, but looking back, I’m sooooo happy with how everything has gone. I wouldn’t change anything. I think we’re doing everything at our own pace that fits us right

Post # 24
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jtaylor18:  nope 🙂 together 5.5 years before engagement, living together for 4 of those years. I wish it hadn’t taken as long, but I do not harbor any bad feelings. Adore him, thrilled by the proposal, and no resentment whatsoever. 

Post # 25
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

we had known each other for years before we started dating and he basically proposed to me before we were together.  Told me he “would marry me in a second”.  I still remember that. 🙂  Before we were ever together he had told me he loved me, wanted kids with me, and wanted to marry me.  And we weren’t teenagers, he was in his mid-20s and knew what was what and knew we were perfect for one another. And I was the hold out, because I am an idiot, basically.  When he proposed he said “I would have married you five years ago.  You know that.”  

So I was the “dick” who just wasn’t sure about us, he doesn’t resent me for it (I hope?).  We’re just so deliriously happy right now.

Post # 26
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

No. I am still waiting on my ring, but I know he’ll propose within the next couple of weeks. It’s been 8 years, but he has shown himself to be faithful and honest. There were certain things he wanted to have accomplished when I first brought up marriage 4 years ago. I dropped the subject. Those things came together, and he immediately became eager for us to finally be wed and we are making it happen.

 

Post # 27
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

No, we got engaged at 2 years so I never really waited. I could see how that feeling could come though, you’re basically telling him you’re ready and putting it in his hands, and then he takes forever!!  What right does he have to stall our lives lile that? I think it’s reasonable to feel, but it should go away quickly if there’s no other issues. 

Post # 28
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@audrey_lane:  I can relate sooo much to your story! We’ve been best friends for 7 years before getting together because I wasn’t ready to jump into the relationship. He told me way before our first kiss that he would marry me and have kids with me. Now 9 months into the relationship we are starting to plan the wedding (May 2015). How long were you dating before your engagement and wedding?

Post # 29
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No.

I could never sit around waiting for months or years with my fingers crossed. That would drive me stark, raving bonkers.

I don’t understand what the big deal is with some guys. It’s not rocket science. All it takes is a ring and four simple words, “Will you marry me?” 

After dating for a reasonable time, say one or two years, I would walk if he couldn’t give me an answer about our future. I would never put up with a guy who gives a song and dance about why he can’t propose or why he needs more time. If SO and I hadn’t been on the same page, I wouldn’t have stuck around. 

Post # 30
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@jtaylor18:  

I am married but I had DEEP resentment for my husband when he proposed.

I resented him for all the commitment issues and games he played with my emotions while we were dating.

He is a wonderful husband, but I still have some anger at him for some events in the past. 

Post # 31
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I also wanted to add that, like PP, it’s wonderful to know that he initiated this process and is excited to be my husband. Had I not made the mature, rational decision to choose being with him and enjoying our relationship over the ring and marriage 4 years ago, I would have either nagged him to propose or nagged him to leave. It would not have been a good thing. Now there is no doubt that he is ready and willing and excited.

 

 

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