(Closed) Do You Resent Your Fiance?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@labossanova:  Officially?  We had been dating less than year when he told my parents he was going to marry me (he thought it was sexist to “ask permission” so he phrased it like “hey, I was thinking of asking Audrey to marry me soon!).  They had only met him 6 months before despite hearing all about him before that, – literally hearing about him for YEARS back, when we were friends.  I was very protective of him and terrified they wouldn’t like him.  He was different than my other boyfriends and his family is so much different than our family. For example, he’s not religious and has never been raised with a religion, he grew up very poor without a dad, he’s a “bigger” guy and my dad is an extremely health conscious doctor.  I also was terrified my parents would look down on his poor upbringings since they had judged my brother’s girlfriend from being from a single-parent home.  I misjudged them terribly – they loved him and think he’s the best guy I ever dated, and were more excited about my wedding than I ever thought.  My dad, my brother, and my fiance get along incredibly well, which has never happened with any other guy I dated.  I used to have to run interference with family nad past boyfriends, and I’d be afraid to leave them alone together. it seems so silly now.  

When we were in Philadelphia for a weekend away, my fiance told me we needed to look at venues for a wedding – that was the “real” proposal where he told me he would have married me 5 years ago :).  That was in October.  I got my ring and “traditional” proposal in December, when a wedding was already half-planned.  When we looked at dates he was pushing for EARLY dates and told me he just wanted to be married soon.  I think it’s so sweet, despite the fact that planning a wedding in 6 1/2 months is actually a little chaotic. 🙂

Post # 33
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@audrey_lane: It is so nice everybody gets along well. It is so important!

I just saw your wedding date, exactly one year (well + 1 day!) before us! You are brave to plan everything in such a short time. We chose that date because it will be the day after our 2 year anniversary of official dating. Good luck with everything!

Post # 34
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@jtaylor18:  No. I was very stressed and a little irritated when I found out soon after we got engaged (like, the same night!) that he hadn’t spoken to my parents as had been expected. . . but that got taken care of fairly easily and within the next week. 

Now I don’t resent the waiting at all. I have regrets that I had told him I didn’t want a very big stone in my e-ring though, particularly since it’s moissanite and we could have done a larger stone. Oh well.

Post # 35
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I should add that we were together for 4 1/2 years, living together for a bit more than 3 years, and I had been waiting for 2 1/2 years (ugh) when he proposed. I went through a LOT of frustration and anger and worry and just feeling down on myself during waiting, despite his being loving and considerate and stable. I just didn’t get why we needed to wait so long, but I’m glad I didn’t excessively pressure him; that would feel way worse than having waited over 2 years. And I knew that pushing it was a lot worse than waiting, while I was waiting, which is part of the reason why I stuck it out. Plus knowing that he’s probably the perfect guy for me kept me around. 🙂

Post # 36
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Nope!! He proposed years sooner than we planned on getting engaged. I don’t see why anyone would resent their Fiance because he wasn’t ready to get married :S …..

Post # 37
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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@annb9:  +1

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@LoggerHead91207:  +1

 

We had been dating 4 years and I was VERY anxious, annoyed even angry … but as soon as he popped the question all those awful feeling flew out the window 🙂 

Post # 38
Member
401 posts
Helper bee

In one word: Yes.  We’ve been together for 9.5 years now and live together. Everything is going great but he is really dragging his feet and wanting everything else to fall into place first. In a perfect world, sure, but sh*t happens. We live comfortably, both work, he has saved up for the ring… so I don’t know why the wait and he doesn’t tell me why either. We’ve had talks and he said that it’s coming soon and be patient a little longer… but I’m finding it very embarassing and disrespectful for him to be making me wait this long.

I get moments of anger when I dont talk to him for a couple days (he knows why) and feelings of sadness of why everyone else is moving on and not us…and then feelings of just wanting to leave.

I’ll always hold this against him I think….how he did this to me Frown

Post # 38
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2022

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jbyrdy:  I really appreciate your comment because that is EXACTLY how I feel right now as I wait for the big question. I’m trying to lay low for now and stay out of his way. I’m sure when he finally does ask, all this negative feelings will melt away. So glad to hear you experienced the AAA feelings (anxious, annoyed and angry) too!!!! 

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