(Closed) Do you see attending a wedding as an honour or an obligation?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Honour or obligation?

    Honour

    Obligation

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1344 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    Depends on who is getting married.

    Post # 33
    Member
    838 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2008

    @Hemnes:  I don’t feel obligated to do much that doesn’t surround my husband or my kids. If I get a wedding invite, I don’t feel obligated to go. I’ll go if it’s convenient for us, I won’t if it isn’t and I don’t feel bad for making the decision not to go.

    Post # 34
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    For me, it depends on three things:

    1. How close I am to the couple

    2. If I have a job at that moment (I’m a teacher, so for the last 4 summers I’ve been jobless)

    3. How far away / expensive it will be

    If the stars align and it’s nice and easy to get there, and I’m really close to the person getting married, it’s such an honor and delight to attend. If I don’t really know them, have to travel, and have lots of expenses (like husband being a groomsman), it’s absolutely an obligation that I dread.

    Post # 35
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    To be honest, that depends on whom is getting married.

    Post # 36
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I just LOVE weddings so I see them as a complete honour! A couple years out of high school I started drifting away from some friends like what normally happens. When I heard they were engaged I was happy for them and congratulated them, but wasn’t expecting a wedding invite. When a couple of them asked for my address to send an invite, it was so unexpected that I was thrilled to be included. I understand that it’s hard to make a list of your favourite people.

    Post # 37
    Member
    11519 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Hemnes:  generally, it’s an honour.  Occasionally it’s an obligation, BUT I have missed weddings (my uncles) on principle as he decided he didn’t need to send me an invite as he didn’t think I’d come (in reality I had the money for my ticket saved and the vacation time booked).  There were several other issues surrounding this wedding that bothered a lot of people.

    Post # 38
    Member
    97 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Depends on the person gettin hitched or sure

    Post # 39
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    It totally depends on the situation. I don’t see it as an honor by default, because most people (as proven by the bee!) totally invite more people than who they truly absolutely want there, and they even invite people expecting regrets.

    Post # 40
    Member
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It depends. I generally consider it an honour until it becomes an obligation (for eg. being forced to attend even if you can’t or if you don’t like the person but have to go because it’s family or something).

    I do consider baby showers and hen parties an obligation because I generally hate them but attend because the person we’re throwing it for is a friend/family.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Both,  I get excited at first because it’s something fun to do, and I love weddings, but then the closer it gets, the more hassle it is (depending on how far, how long we’ll be waiting etc) it becomes more of an obligation. I usually end up waiting for them to be over.

    Only one exception was one of my very very dear friends wedding, but it was so short I didn’t have time to wait around.

    Post # 42
    Member
    7643 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Typically it depends on the situation, but I usually feel honored to go. I like to go to weddings as long as it is for people I like 🙂

    Post # 43
    Member
    2113 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’ve been to a lot of weddings, but mostly family members or friends of my parents. Only 2 if my friends are married. I couldn’t make it to one and the other, Fiance was a groomsman. So, fot the most part, with the weddings I’ve been to, I feel or am obligated to go.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3126 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I feel bad admitting it but I see it as an obligation. There are a few I happily attend (best friends, knew a lot of people there, etc) but for the most part I dread going to weddings. Typically it is expensive, take an entire day (or weekend if travel is involved) and I am extremely antisocial plus I don’t drink so the entire reception part can be pretty torturous for me. This is definitely not always the case, but I am such an introvert that any big social gathering with a lot of people is usually extremely stressful for me 🙁

    Post # 45
    Member
    1833 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have been a two time bride and sometime next year I will be a 4 time MOB.

    I don’t see it as one or the other.  I see it as situational.

    I do NOT move Heaven and Earth to go to a wedding.  It is an invitation, not a summons.  If we want to go, we go, if it means a lot of travel, hotel, etc, chances are if it isn’t one of my kids, I’m not going, but I’ll send a gift.

    I see weddings as a one day party. Yes, I am honored that you thought of me (Unless you clearly invited the entire phonebook, or I’m not even sure who either of you are), but I’m not spending hundreds of dollars to attend unless we are pretty close.

    If you have invited me to your wedding that (usually) means we have a relationship.  That means I have invested in supporting, loving, liking you and you have done likewise for me.  My presence at your wedding means very little.  My support when your mom is fighting cancer, your kid is sick, your spouse is in the hospital or deployed, or you need to hide a body?  That is what is important.  Being there for you for LIFE, not for one day.

    I’m more invested in supporting the marriage rather than feeling obligated to attend a wedding.  FTR – I love me some wedding cake…

    Post # 46
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee

    Depends on who the person getting married is to me, but usually obligation so that’s how i voted.

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