Do you send a gift for a wedding you cannot attend?

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Do you send a gift even if you can't attend the wedding?
    Yes : (34 votes)
    39 %
    No : (11 votes)
    13 %
    It depends (please clarify in the comments) : (43 votes)
    49 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1250 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    If I’m good friends with the bride or groom then I’ll send a gift. However, if I get an invitation from an old school friend/acquaintance who I haven’t spoken to in years then I don’t send one. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    1742 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    A huge majority of the time, I do send a gift yes, but it’s always just cash or a check. If I’m invited to the wedding, I always send a monetary gift – it’s a courtesy. Sometimes, I even send a smaller gift if I’m not even invited.

    The only time I didn’t send a gift was when the groom got into a spat with my dad and I lost total respect for him, so I didn’t send a gift. Obligation went out the window with that nonsense lol!

    Definitely send a gift, even if it’s just a $50 check.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1781 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Nope, only if you attend

    Post # 5
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee

    If I received an invite and I cannot attend, I send a gift.

    Post # 6
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee

    I’ve always been told that you’re “supposed” to send a gift regardless. But, of course, there are instances where you might not.

    Post # 7
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Aspen, CO

    Absolutely. Always send a gift. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I wasn’t expecting it but we received gifts from 90% of our guests that did not attend! Either a check in the mail or a gift off the registry.

    We would send a gift.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5846 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I voted it depends, because I send a gift if we’re not going about 60-70% of the time, pretty much on a case-by-case basis. 

    If it’s a family member and for some reason we can’t be there (unlikely) we would definitely gift as much cash as if we’d gone to the wedding. 

    If it’s someone whose wedding we would ordinarily like to attend but can’t (conflict of dates with another event, out-of-town or Destination Wedding when I feel it’s a sincere invite) I would send a  gift, either a cheque, gift certificate or a ‘medium’ priced item from their registry.  

    If its someone we’re not very close to and they invite us to their Destination Wedding, IMO this feels like a cash grab, as in ‘hey let’s invite all these people even though they’re really unlikely to come, maybe some of them will still send gifts’ then I simply RSVP declining and don’t send anything. 

    If it’s someone we’re not very close & it’s a local wedding (aka they’re inviting us thinking it reasonably likely we may come), I’ll RSVP declining but also send a card and a small gift off the registry or bottle of wine. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    12480 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    If the relationship is such that I’m invited to someone’s wedding, then I can’t imagine not being motivated to send a wedding gift. That said, there is no entitlement or obligation. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2133 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    If I get invited, we always send a card and a gift card if we cannot attend. Now, if we cannot attend it usually because we are not that close with the couple, so we don’t send as much as we normally would. For example, if I attend a wedding I usually enclose $75-100 cash depending on how close I am to the couple, if I had to travel to get there, etc. But if I don’t really know the person I will usually send a $25-40 gift card to one of the stores they are registered at.  Not sure if this will pass the etiquette sniff test, but its just how I do it! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1037 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    It’s not required, but I always do. I suppose there would be exceptions, like a PP mentioned, but I haven’t encountered that situation yet.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    If it was a wedding that I wanted to attend but couldn’t I send a gift. This means if it is someone I am close to and for whatever reason am unable to attend, I send a gift.

    If it is someone where I feel like basically just fluff in the guest list and have no interest in attending because I don’t actually know you, I don’t send a gift. 

    Basically I’m you a gift because I like you and you are celebrating an event, not because you sent me an invoice for a gift. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    47255 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Unless it’s an invitation out of the blue from someone we haven’t been in touch with for years, I would send a gift. If I’m close enough for them to invite, they are close enough for me to send a gift and my well wishes.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2264 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    If it was just an acquaintance, I might not send a gift. Or, I’d just send a card with a gift card–something like that. If it was anyone my husband and I are close to, I’d definitely send a gift if I couldn’t attend. 

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