(Closed) Do you send a gift when you don't attend a shower?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If I don't attend a shower that I'm invited to...
    I will send a gift and give the same amount as if I were going to the shower. : (37 votes)
    44 %
    I will send a less expensive gift than I would have brought to the shower. : (5 votes)
    6 %
    I will send a more expensive gift than I would have brought to the shower. : (1 votes)
    1 %
    I do not send a gift. : (27 votes)
    32 %
    It depends... (explain) : (15 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Yes I do, and I spend the same amount.

    Post # 4
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I don’t, I just spend a little extra on the gift I give for the wedding.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3078 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would send a gift if it was someone I was close with.  If it was just some friend that I’m not particularly close to, I wouldn’t.  Also, if I were to send a gift I would spend the same amount.

    Post # 6
    Member
    905 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I send the same gift that I would have taken, were I able to make the shower. I’m about to do that next week, actually.

    Post # 7
    Member
    503 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I never know what to do with gifts for weddings and showers.  I just go to the registry, and send some gifts and have them delivered to the bride and groom and hope I’ve picked enough things to cover a shower and wedding.  I have no idea how to distinguish one from the other.  I just send all the presents at once.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here…

    Not attending a Shower translates into it being a non-requirement to get / give a gift for a shower.

    You can do so however if you wish.

    How much money you spend (what you get) is like giving a gift for any other occasion… it directly corresponds to how well you know the person / how close you are.

    So from an Etiquette perspective there is no YES or NO Answer.  And no specific element to More, Less, or the Same when it comes to gift value.

    Therefore, I VOTED – IT DEPENDS.

    Hope this helps,

    PS… Personally, I am by nature a generous Gift Giver ($ 50 to $ 75 for a Shower Gift), so I usually get a gift whether I am going or not… and spend whatever I would have if I was attending.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    669 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    For some I have but it depends on how close to someone I am. I always send a gift for a wedding though, whether or not we attend.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I always send a gift. I think if they send an invitation you should give a gift, same as a wedding. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3947 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I voted it depends.  It really depends on how close I am to the person.  However, most of the time I will send a gift. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    It depends for me.  If it’s someone I’m close to I’ll send a gift that’s about the same (or potentially more if I feel guilty about not going) as I would have given if I’d attended.  If it’s someone I’m not particularly close with (especially to the point that I don’t really know why I was even invited) I might not.

    Post # 14
    Member
    12248 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I generally send a more expensive gift, since I feel bad about missing it!

    Post # 15
    Member
    5191 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @PrincessBride27 I think a wedding gift is adequate. If you’re not attending the shower you don’t need to give a separate gift for that also. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    267 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    i wouldn’t send a gift. depending on how close i was to the couple, i may spend more for the wedding gift.

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