Post # 1
If you’re invited to a shower, but don’t attend, do you send a gift? If so, does the fact that you’re not attending factor into your decision about how much you spend? Or do you spend the same amount regardless of whether you attend or not? Does it matter? Should it matter?
Post # 3
Yes I do, and I spend the same amount.
Post # 4
I don’t, I just spend a little extra on the gift I give for the wedding.
Post # 5
I would send a gift if it was someone I was close with. If it was just some friend that I’m not particularly close to, I wouldn’t. Also, if I were to send a gift I would spend the same amount.
Post # 6
I send the same gift that I would have taken, were I able to make the shower. I’m about to do that next week, actually.
Post # 7
I never know what to do with gifts for weddings and showers. I just go to the registry, and send some gifts and have them delivered to the bride and groom and hope I’ve picked enough things to cover a shower and wedding. I have no idea how to distinguish one from the other. I just send all the presents at once.
Post # 8
Etiquette Snob here…
Not attending a Shower translates into it being a non-requirement to get / give a gift for a shower.
You can do so however if you wish.
How much money you spend (what you get) is like giving a gift for any other occasion… it directly corresponds to how well you know the person / how close you are.
So from an Etiquette perspective there is no YES or NO Answer. And no specific element to More, Less, or the Same when it comes to gift value.
Therefore, I VOTED – IT DEPENDS.
Hope this helps,
PS… Personally, I am by nature a generous Gift Giver ($ 50 to $ 75 for a Shower Gift), so I usually get a gift whether I am going or not… and spend whatever I would have if I was attending.
Post # 9
@This Time Round: Thanks for the input – I appreciate knowing the proper way. I was totally wrong! I always send a gift regardless because, for some reason, I thought that invite = obligatory gift and, like you, I am a generous gift giver. I was curious because my coworker told me today that she doesn’t generally send a gift if she doesn’t go, but if she does end up sending a gift, she gets a less pricey gift than if she actually attended. She told me that because she wasn’t there “eating their food, and drinking their booze” the amount she didn’t spend was “a wash.” So I was curious if this was some sort of unwritten rule I was uaware of or if she’s just weird. 🙂
Post # 10
For some I have but it depends on how close to someone I am. I always send a gift for a wedding though, whether or not we attend.
Post # 11
I always send a gift. I think if they send an invitation you should give a gift, same as a wedding.
Post # 12
I voted it depends. It really depends on how close I am to the person. However, most of the time I will send a gift.
Post # 13
It depends for me. If it’s someone I’m close to I’ll send a gift that’s about the same (or potentially more if I feel guilty about not going) as I would have given if I’d attended. If it’s someone I’m not particularly close with (especially to the point that I don’t really know why I was even invited) I might not.
Post # 14
I generally send a more expensive gift, since I feel bad about missing it!
Post # 15
@PrincessBride27 I think a wedding gift is adequate. If you’re not attending the shower you don’t need to give a separate gift for that also.
Post # 16
i wouldn’t send a gift. depending on how close i was to the couple, i may spend more for the wedding gift.