(Closed) Do you send a thank you to guests that…..?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@nl:  If they traveled to attend then they did sacrifice despite their lack of a gift. I don’t think it’s nose rubbing and I’d think it the classy thing to do “thank them for sharing in your big day.” Although, I cannot imagine someone not bringing a gift. :-/

Post # 4
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You don’t need to send Thank You notes to people who didn’t give you a gift.  The reception is the thank you for coming. 

Post # 5
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I gave gifts and thank you notes (for their help and lifetime of friendship and support) to my bridesmaids at the rehearsal dinner.  If you didn’t do something like this, then I’d send her a thank you regardless of bringing a gift.

As for thanking the guests who attended sans gift, my feelings are that this is what the reception and favours are for.  Thanking guests for their attendance.  There’s no need to send an additional thank you, unless maybe someone made an extra special effort to attend.

Post # 6
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had this happen and I sent card saying something along the lines of ‘thank you for being a part of our special day’ . We had similar concerns but ultimately decided to go with notes for everyone. Key I think is the tone of the note, we tried to add personal notes Eg. ‘we had so much fun on the dance floor with you’ etc. We had a small wedding though so it was easier to add little tidbits. 

Post # 7
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The “etiquette” answer is that the reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony. Sending thank you notes looks like you’re gift grabbing. Although these days, I think I’m taking some of the “etiquette” answers with a grain of salt.

Post # 8
Member
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I totally disagree with not sending a thank you if you didn’t give a gift. If a person comes to your wedding to support you they absolutely deserve a hand written note. How hard is it to just a thanks and mail a 3×5 card? Let’s get real here, a reception isn’t a thank you. we throw it cause we want a party WITH our guests, not to thank them.  

Post # 9
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ImagineDragon24:  +1

This was our train of thought because we had a smaller wedding and we spent an extensive period of time literally chatting with every single guest and thanking them profusely for coming and celebrating. We only had a few guests not bring gifts and we thanked them again afterwards (in conversations) for coming.

 

Post # 10
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@nl:  No.  The reception is the thank you for attending, plus I am sure you went around and spoke to each guest and thanked them again for coming.  To then follow up with a thank you, can be seen as a thinly veiled attempt at fishing for a gift.

Thank you notes are for gifts.  Since you haven’t yet thanked them for that.  But they have already been thanked for coming.

Post # 11
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here…

Ok the rule of thumb is you send Thank Yous for… Gifts and Acts of Kindness.

So altho many people don’t send Thank Yous to someone who came to the Wedding, but not brought a gift …

(which is the “normal” way of thinking… in that the Reception was a thank you for them sharing the Day with you)

IF you feel that their attending was an Act of Kindness…. they travelled far, they made some sort of sacrifice to do so (expense) etc.  Then it is certainly still fine to send them a Thank You Note.

In truth, as I see it, in this day and age where too little is ever said…

I think it better to run the risk of Over-Thanking someone… that not thank enough.

 

Post # 12
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My parents didn’t get us a gift! I suppose they don’t deserve a thank-you for having the wedding on their property. My cousin didn’t get us a gift, but he helped prepare a lot of food and decorations on the day. Another friend didn’t give us a present, but he was instrumental in dragging my husband up to the dance floor time and time again. Some more cousins didn’t bring a gift, but they came from the other side of the country, so they spent a lot just on attending the wedding.

I think that, if someone has made the effort to come to your wedding, then the least you can do is spend 3 dollars on a little card thanking them for coming. It doesn’t hurt you, and I don’t see how they could read a heartfelt thank you and consider it an attempt at reminding them they didn’t give a gift.

ETA: I would see it as more of a face-rub if one of my friends got a thank you note after a wedding, and I didn’t get anything, simply because I didn’t/couldn’t afford to get them a gift.

Post # 13
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, the reception is your thank you for coming.

Post # 15
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We sent a thank you to everyone. 🙂

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