(Closed) Do you send invites to the rehearsal dinner?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I sent invites but I love paper products so it was just an excuse to buy something cute. We invited immediate family only. Some people invite all the Out of towners but we didn’t because then we would have had 80 people at rehearsal.

Post # 3
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am because I LOVE paper and can’t get enough.  I’ve been to rehearsals that had invites and ones that did not.

I find it’s good because:

– if you aren’t inviting the spouses of your wedding party, it’s conveyed without having any mixed communication

– You have enough to worry about besides whether you told everyone or everyone heard “word of mouth”

– if you have menu options then it’s a clear way to communicate this

Post # 4
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We sent invites out because I got a great deal on Vistaprint, plus I wanted the bridal party to have a paper reminder of all the times for the time/place of the Rehearsal Dinner.

We invited all wedding party people, plus their spouses/dates, parents, grandparents and any Out of Town guests.

Post # 5
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ll break the trend here — we’re not doing paper invites, haha. Why add another damn thing to the list to buy? Our families are good at word-of-mouth. We’re inviting bridal party, parents, grandparents, and one of my aunts, because the way my family works she basically functions as “immediate family” to me.

Post # 6
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We did them… not my choice. I wanted things to be a bit LESS formal and since we’ve got a ton of people coming in from out of town — I thought doing formal invites was a bit much. Future Mother-In-Law (whose house we’re hosting it at) decided to do them. I’ve had enough drama with her lately that I just decided it was a battle I wasn’t prepared to fight. There goes my happy, fun, relaxed, family and friends all get to meet before the big day rehersal backyard BBQ. Oh well, life goes on.

Post # 7
588 posts
Busy bee

Evites for sure!! Everyone can see who’s invited and who’s not.

Post # 8
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We did not sent out paper invites, but just told the wedding party they and their spouse and kids were invited.  Then Mother-In-Law just told the in laws who were all Out of Town about it also


Post # 9
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We didn’t… at that point I had just finished the invites, and the thought of designing and assembling more paper products was giving me a headache! So we just sent out an email to everyone which I think was fine because it was just immediate family, bridal party, and a few friends. It worked well for us.

Post # 10
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I did an evite, it was easy, cost effective (free) and efficient. No hassel and gave us an idea of who to expect while alerting the guests to location, time, etc. 

Post # 11
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I made mine with extra paper left over from the invitations. I put the little card inside their invite for our grandparents, parents, and wedding party.

Post # 12
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I am planning on making just a simple card and adding it into the invitations of those who are invited.

Post # 13
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We are doing seperate invites for the Rehearsal Dinner because I do not trust our families to remember details sent in an e-mail or given in a conversation. I love our families, but they are forgetful, and I don’t want to have to deal with phone calls that day asking “what time?”, “where are we supposed to meet you?”, “can you give us directions?”, etc.

Post # 15
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Any time someone hosts a party, they have to issue invitations — or how will the guests know that they are welcome? A verbal invitation is still an invitation, as is a text, phonecall, funky coloured card with innovative wording, informal note, or formally-worded card. ALL OF THESE ARE PERFECTLY CORRECT FORM!!! Invitations set the tone for the party you want to hold, and that is entirely up to the hostess to choose, acccording to her own taste.

Traditionally, the Mother of the Bride had the privilege of displaying her skills and taste as hostess before the wider community, by hosting the wedding reception. The Mother of the Groom was just another honoured guest, and had to smile graciously from the social shadows. She would often salve her frustrated entertainment-instincts by offering to host a formal dinner for the wedding party and other honoured guests of her own choosing, either as a refreshment following the rehearsal, or at another convenient time in the week or two preceding the wedding. She was supposed to be tactful enough not to be too obvious about showing up the other mother’s style or taste, but beyond that this was her main chance to shine. So, obviously, the typical rehearsal dinner was at least as formal and fancy as the wedding itself, but a little smaller.

But remember that all pretension, all phoniness, all attempting to show off in a more extravagant style than your day-to-day life would support or than your own social training has prepared you for, is in very bad form. That traditional hostess of yesteryear who understood formal dinners is an endangered species now. If the person hosting the dinner prefers family-style informality, or restaurant-parties (which, incidentally, are considered less formal than a served dinner at a home), or pizza-and-beer, they may correctly hold that kind of a party and correctly issue invitations consistent with that style.

At a minimum, the hostess should invite everyone who must be present at the rehearsal, plus their fiance or spouse if they are part of a couple (remembering that living-together couples must be assumed to be “secretly married”), plus the chaperone of any unescorted girls and the mother of any children. Hired performers need not be invited unless they are hired in a professional capacity — the officiant and his or her partner, for example, are professionals and must be invited; the musician might or might not be invited depending on whether you contracted with them directly as a professional (usually the organist, or the conductor of a string ensemble, or a soloist would be invited) or were hired through an agency or through some principal (you don’t have to invite the members of the string ensemble, or the organist if he is part of a “wedding package” supplied by a venue.) The hostess can also invite special guests to whom she wishes to offer the chance to spend some intimate time with the bride and groom.

Out of town guests are supposed to be entertained by in-town family and friends while they are in town. Sometimes a hostess will choose to fulfil her share of this obligation by inviting them to the rehearsal dinner. If she doesn’t, one can hope that other friends or family will step up to the plate and at least offer to invite them over to dinner with them. Any friends or family related to out-of-town guests, including the rehearsal-dinner hostess, should at a minimum contact the guests sometime during their stay to at least enquire as to whether they are being well-taken care of. In return, the out-of-town guests should generally reassure such kind hostesses that they are “just fine”, and if they are invited to dinner they should offer to take their hostess to lunch or dinner the next day, or offer to help out with some little chore in some other way.

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