Do you share others' secrets with your spouse?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should you share everything with your spouse?
    Yes! We are a team and tell each other everything : (82 votes)
    55 %
    Yes, but only if it somehow impacted my relationship with my spouse : (11 votes)
    7 %
    No, but only if my friend told me not to tell anyone, including my spouse : (43 votes)
    29 %
    Absolutely not! My friends' secrets are none of my spouse's business : (14 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6279 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Depends on the secret.  But I know nothing I tell my spouse would ever get back to my friends – they don’t live anywhere near us and he really doesn’t care that much in any case.  I’d tell him something in order to mull it over and get a different perspective or (depending on what it was) because I’m a jerk and it’s a silly secret in the first place.  However if a friend specifically asked me to keep it to myself, I would.  If it was something that could impact my husband’s behavior toward them in the future, I would also keep it to myself.  I don’t want to influence him like that.

    I do not believe there are no secrets in marriage though.  That’s just ridiculous when it comes to someone else’s business.

    Post # 3
    Member
    471 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    Eh I view SOs as not really “someone else” so yes I would share anything with him.  However if someone told me “don’t tell your husband” then I wouldn’t (unless it affected him of course and then I would bring that up to the person who was asking that of me).  I have told married people don’t tell anyone not even your husband/wife or don’t tell anyone… other than spouse’s name ::both laugh:: (if it’s not a serious situation).  I’ve heard him say on the phone Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone… except GatorDeb of course.

    Nothing said:  Ok to tell husband.
    Don’t say anything to anyone:  Would probably still tell husband (and specify it’s just for him)
    Don’t say anything to anyone including your husband (about someone else’s business):  Don’t tell husband.

    Post # 4
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2020

    If it is something that would make a friend feel insecure about anyone knowing then I dont say anything. I know a friend that got in trouble with the law and was terribly embarrassed by it. I didnt tell my SO about it because I knew my friend would rather deal with the situation and never think about it again. Telling my SO would immortalise it and change the way he sees that friend. 

    If its just normal gossip then I tell my SO. I noticed I make exceptions for embarrasing information. I feel like it is a breach of trust to share information that would bring embarrassment to the person that trusted you

    Post # 5
    Member
    9390 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    If my friend tells me not to tell my husband then I won’t. That’s pretty rare though. I guess my friends don’t have a lot of secrets…or they keep them to themselves. 

    I will say that if I’m not specifically told not to tell him, I usually discuss most things with my husband. He’s good at giving a different perspective and helping me figure out what advice (if any) to give.

    Post # 6
    Member
    543 posts
    Busy bee

    Really interesting question!

    No, I would not share a friend’s secret, especially if she told me not to tell anyone.

    My husband is not an extension of myself. He’s another human being, and if my friend feels comfortable sharing something only with me, I should respect that.

    Imagine if you guys told your friend a secret, and the next time you go over to their house, their husband has a strange look or is judging you.

    Post # 7
    Member
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I won’t tell my husband a friend’s secret if my friend says not to tell anyone, including him, or if it is a very intimate secret. Often I ask if I can tell Darling Husband. I do tell Darling Husband a lot though, and I know he would never tell anyone else.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1792 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    PsychGIrl13 :  It depends. It depends on whether or not my friend explicitly told me not to tell. Also, depends on the gravity of the secret. The reality is I tell Fiance pretty much anything unless I’m told not to, or unless it will alter his opinion of that person.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    1605 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I would discuss it with my husband if I felt it was of interest to him, unless the friend had explicitly said “do not tell anyone”. Only once have I had someone tell me something and ask me not to share it, and I kept my promise.

    Post # 10
    Member
    11495 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    If a friend specifically asks me not to disclose, I won’t. I feel it’s not my secret to tell. 

    On the other end, with few exceptions I generally operate on the  assumption that anything I say may be shared with a spouse.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3254 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    If a friend asks me to keep something to myself, I do. My Darling Husband isn’t interested in their secrets to begin with, but more to the point, it’s none of his business. I don’t believe in sharing other people’s business with each other just because we’re married. It’s a total breach of trust to spill someone’s secrets after saying you’d keep it to yourself. The friends I have who tell their SOs everything are the friends who don’t have access to much of my life. They aren’t bad people, I just know I can’t trust them with anything personal.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1447 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    I tell Fiance pretty much everything, unless I’m asked not to and it has zero effect on him or our relationship. That being said, I am blatantly aware of a couple of secrets that I’m keeping that a) I was not asked to not tell my Fiance, but they’re so insanely significant and personal to the individual, that I don’t feel comfortable sharing them on that person’s behalf b) they have zero effect on my Fiance or our relationship. If they did, I’d tell him. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    14885 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    If someone tells me specifically not to tell him, and it’s not important for him to know, then I won’t tell him.  Otherwise, when someone tells me some juicy secret, it’s pretty much understood that I’m going to tell him too, with the understanding that it goes no further than him.

    Post # 14
    Member
    325 posts
    Helper bee

    If a friend asked me not to tell my Darling Husband, I wouldn’t (as long as it wouldn’t negatively impact him or our relationship). Otherwise, I tell Darling Husband almost everything. 

    I also anticipate that everything I tell my married/engaged/long-partnered friends is told to their other halves, and will ask them to not share if it feels important.

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