I ABSOLUTELY know how you feel.
Now, I will preface this by saying that I am only 26. however, my boyfriend (who is also 26) and I have been together for what will be EIGHT YEARS (holy crap! lol) in september – we basically met the first week of college, started dating within that first month, and the rest is history.
We own a home together, we have a cat and a rabbit, we’ve been through REALLY hard times (dealing with his addictions – he’s been sober for 5 years 🙂 – and coping with the deaths of both his parents, both from cancer, within 2 years of one another, among many other things). we’ve been through ALOT together, and our relationship is probably one of the strongest around, although i’m obviously biased 😉
Lately, I have been finding myself becoming more and more upset at the fact that we are still not engaged, especially considering all the things we have been through in our almost 8 years together – to be quite frank, it makes me feel like something is wrong with me 🙁 i KNOW that’s not true, but i really have a hard time reminding myself of that as more and more time passes. it’s made even harder by the fact that EVERYONE (friends, family, neighbors) constantly gives us grief for not being engaged yet. I even find myself feeling angry and bitter when friends of mine announce their engagements, instead of being happy for them! I can’t even be happy for his older brother – he proposed to his girlfriend after 9 MONTHS of dating with a $30,000 ring (i know that’s just idiotic on his part, but it still stung big time). I hate feeling so petty 🙁
Yes, he knows how badly i want to get married. In reality, he says that he wants to be in a more secure place in his career (which is hard for me to fully believe b/c without revealing an amount, he has A LOT of money in the bank – AND i actually want a moissanite ring, which would cost less than one month’s mortgage payment for us :P). Additionally, his parents had a nasty divorce, so he also tends to have a very cynical outlook on marriage in general. I know I am just letting this eat at me, and I am sure he is telling me the truth when he says that he does want to marry me [eventually]. it’s just so hard to not let it get to you and start to effect your self-esteem 🙁 so i am absolutely on the same page with you.
I hope he does ask you on your trip! if not, I firmly believe you should sit down and have a talk about it. If your relationship is that serious, and you want it go to the next level, it’s definitely a discussion that should be taking place. GOOD LUCK!!! and keep us posted!! I hope you have a fabulous vacation, regardless 🙂