Post # 1
I was just reading some threads about people having arguments and stuff when they dont really mean to– and then they get out of hand and can ruin an entire day. I’ve read a bunch of books on couples’ communication and one particular thing does the trick for my DH and I– in fact we almost always have sex as a result too! (sorry for the TMI)
It’s called Spoon Tune. Let’s say you and your partner are in this fight and you’re still keeping up the fight even though you dont want to. You call “Spoon Tune!” The rule is, when someone calls a Spoon Tune, the other person MUST adhere to the request, even if they dont want to. Go lie down together and spoon. Slow your breathing down to match the other person’s. Feel their warmth, make sure their arms are around you and you hold them back. Breathe slowly and deeply for at least 5 minutes. Your anger will melt and you’ll love holding and being held. Even for the other person who was angry before, feeling loved will melt their anger away as well!
Even if you’re in a public place, my DH has called Spoon Tune and we’ve held hands. Walking away is easy but can make the distance between you worse– holding each other and connecting brings you closer together.
Try it sometime! Tell me your thoughts, if you do it, and if you might try it at home 🙂
Post # 3
@1stRosie: Wow, how interesting! I can definitely see how that would help!
My SO and I never really get into any super heating arguments – we used to though! We I had a tendency to get really, really worked up emotionally which never led us anywhere good. I found taking a time out, stepping outside on the patio to grab some fresh air, stepping into another room..a brief cool down period really helped us. We would never actually leave the house or ever go to bed angry with each other though.
But I do find if you can find a way to calm down (spooning method would definitely help with that!) then I think that’s the most important.
Once we I was able to calm down and take some of my crazy away, it was only at that point we would actually get somewhere productive in the argument. What I have to focus on the most is not cutting my SO off mid sentences while he is trying to discuss something with me.
I think what’s most improtant for us is that we both walk away from any discussion knowing we’ve both been heard.
Might try that spooning method out!! It sounds actually really fun and productive! Plus, I really like how SPOON TUNE sounds! 😉 What a great idea!
Post # 4
If I have something difficult/awkward/emotional to talk with FI about, I try to do it in bed. Not naked or anything, just laying on our bed facing each other. For some reason, it brings a sort of intimate connection to the conversation and both of us are more comfortable saying what we really think in a more eloquent way. We don’t get carried away or raise our voices when we do this.
Post # 5
@Phamnomenon: Oh I like that!1 I should try that too! Thanks for the tip!! 🙂
Post # 6
I really really like this. Going to bring it up with DH tonight. 🙂
Post # 7
Thanks for sharing. This is such a great idea.
Post # 8
I’ve always tried to keep arguments out of the bed, as I don’t want it to be a negative or stressful place. But I like this idea and think it would be good to try out
Post # 9
I guess we do something like that already. Our worst arguments usually end with one of us yelling “CAN’T WE JUST F***ING CUDDLE?!” We don’t always actually go and cuddle, sometimes, but it definitely helps to get rid of the negativity in the room.
And like a previous poster said, I also think of bed as a safe place to talk about things that have the potential to turn into big arguments. I think we make the effort to be quieter and calm and both of us want to be able to go to bed with the air clear and just snuggle. 🙂