(Closed) Do you still make them a MOH?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8363 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What are these duties you speak of?

Post # 5
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

There are not any set “duties” for a Maid/Matron of Honor. All they have to do, all anyone has to do, really, is show up on your wedding and stand up there with you. 

Now, if you wanted a Maid/Matron of Honor who would help you with things, you should have made your choice by who amongst your friends was most helpful. Instead, you picked the person closest to you — probably the better choice in the long run, but you may need to find someone else to talk about colors or themes with. The ladies on the Bee would be happy to stand in, if necessary. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I disagree with PP.  MOHs duties include planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower.  Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be there to help you plan, set up, pick a dress, etc.  That’s how I always understood the Maid/Matron of Honor to be. 

If you want him to stand next to you at the altar while you get married, then give him the title of Man of Honor or whatever and just understand that he isn’t good at doing any of those other things and since he’s a guy, he really shouldn’t be expected to.

Is there someone else who is helping you out with all the other stuff?

Post # 7
Member
4332 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The person who helped me the most (outside of DH) wasn’t even in my wedding party.

I chose not to have a Maid/Matron of Honor of any gender – just two bridesmaids & two bridesmen. I did the same as you, though, and chose my closest friends, not the my most helpful ones.

Post # 8
Member
8363 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@leporidae:  The MOH/BM’s/anyone can choose to help you with things but there are no offical duties other than stnd up next to you in the attire sober (or relatively so) and smile for photos.

Personally I feel that the person who should be MOH/BM are the people you cannot see yourself getting married without and who support you and your marriage and not someone who does things for you or your wedding.

Post # 10
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I had two matrons of honor, and one lived a number of states away.  She was unable to participate in anything related to my wedding until the rehearsal the day before, but she was still my Maid/Matron of Honor and stood next to me on my wedding day. 

If you want this gentleman to stand next to you on your wedding day, I don’t think you need to remove his title simply because he is disinterested in being involved in pre-wedding planning activities.

Post # 12
Member
8363 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@leporidae:  This other person is choosing to help. The title of Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t a prize at the end of a competition. This other person probably knows that and is choosing to help you anyway because she is a friend or maybe just because she really likes weddings.

Just because your friend is gay doesn’t mean he is into girly things or the stereotype that movies etc throw out at the world.

Post # 13
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@leporidae:  There arent any rules for this type of thing.

I have 4 bridesmaids and no Maid/Matron of Honor. The 4 of them planned the shower and bachelorette together but other than that I havent really asked them for anything. they ask how planning is going once in a while but thats about it. But I also never expected them to help.

On the other hand, I have a friend at work who loves weddings and planning. I have talked to her about a lot of plans, just because she is genuinely interested. She isnt in my bridal party though.

Post # 15
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@leporidae:  OK. Yes, I totally understand now what and why you were asking.

Well, I faced this, too, and that’s one of the reasons I had TWO matrons of honor.  Best friend #1, with whom I had been very close since seventh grade, lived hours and hours away and really could not be involved.  Best friend #2, who had been my best friend where I lived for more than 20 years, was able to be extremely involved (she volunteered to host my shower at her house, went dress shopping with me for my gown and the bridesmaids dresses, picked up my gown and brought it to the venue, and came over to help me pack for my honeymoon and ordered pizza as my “bachelorette” party.) I love both of these ladies SO much and could not have imagined NOT having both of them as Matrons of Honor, so I gave each of them the title, and the one I have known the longest is the one who stood next to me at the wedding.  (The other stood right next to HER.)

I had four other bridesmaids, three of whom were DH’s family or mine, but only one was a close friend who lived local to me.  Like my local Maid/Matron of Honor, this bridesmaid helped to host and pay for my shower, went dress shopping with me, and participated in my three-person, honeymoon-packing, bachelorette evening. Although she knew she was not one of the two Ms of H, she was very willing to step up and help with these details.

I hope everything works out well for you!

Post # 16
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Neetch:  That is incorrect, the Maid/Matron of Honor duties are to help throw a bridal shower and organize the bachelorette party, plus show up on wedding day looking pretty.

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