(Closed) Do you “submit” to your husband?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 152
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

We wanted to do old english vows “I give you my troth” and specifically requested a version without the word “obey” so no, I do not submit. I do, however, hold my tongue in certain situations in order for us to be a more unified front and I’ve backed up DH before when I didn’t 100% agree with him. Like if someone asks us both a question and he answers first, but I don’t agree with what he said, there is a really good chance I will keep quiet until we’re alone.

I’m old fashioned and I think the man should appear to be the one in charge even if that’s not what’s actually going on. It makes things easier and most people naturally trust and respect men more than they do a woman. So sometimes DH can kind of be my puppet in a way – I frequently ‘prep’ him on how to respond if I know we’re about to negotiate or if we’re about to face a difficult situation in general.

Post # 153
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I am not planning to ‘submit’ to my SO; we are equals in the relationship and that’s what works for us. We make decisions together.

I am not religious but I want to throw in my thoughts on the topic; those of you who say you will submit because it is written in the Epistle to the Ephesians, have you ever considered the fact that Paul of Tarsus was a Roman citizen (albeit a Jewish one), and his writings are therefore strongly influenced by his cultural background? The concept of wives submitting to their husband is a reflection of the Roman concept of guardianship; a Roman woman was required to have a male guardian, usually her husband, and it was her guardian’s  responsibility to make important decisions on her behalf. In the modern Western world women no longer have guardians, and therefore the idea of women submitting to their husbands is no longer culturally relevant.

I studied Middle Eastern archaeology in university and I have done a lot of Bible studies, that is studying the cultural and historical context of these texts. There is strong evidence that not all of the Pauline writings in the New Testament were even written by Paul himself, rather they were written by his students/followers and published in his name. We should therefore take them with a small grain of salt.

Post # 154
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@moderndaisy: It makes things easier and most people naturally trust and respect men more than they do a woman.

I think that depends on who you are associating with.  If I got the impression that Fiance and I were dealing with someone like that, my first inclination would not be to let Fiance do all the talking. Preferably though, I would choose not to deal with them at all.  That’s horribly sexist. 

Post # 155
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

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@moderndaisy: It makes things easier and most people naturally trust and respect men more than they do a woman.

 

And I am sure that with attitudes like this that’s not going to change anytime soon.

Post # 156
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

The bible also says “And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.” :p I follow the bible and try to be a good Catholic but I don’t believe everything in the bible is a solid fact, I believe there’s symbolism and interpreation. 

Post # 157
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Also reading through everyone’s responses there seems to be a large negative out cry to the word “submit” since that has such a negative connotation.  Just something to throw out there, the bible has been translated several times from the original latin.  Cound the meaning of this verse have been (literally) “lost in translation”?  Just a thought….

Post # 158
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

I like the teachings of the new testament more than the old testament. 

Post # 159
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

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@autumn865: The Bible has not been translated several times from the original Latin.

First of all, of the New Testament was written in Greek as this was the lingua franca of the Eastern Roman empire. Also, in any modern Bible you will find a foreword explaining the manuscripts and methodolody they have used during translation. The translation is always done from the original manuscript into the relevant language.

Post # 160
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

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@Roe: I second that!

HELL TO THE NO. My husband and I are equals. He probably submits to me more than anything haha

Post # 161
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@BellsforHer:  I just wanted to throw this thought out there, being that the Catholic church is in the process of changing some of it’s wording in prayers and the mass in order to get closer to the true word.  And sorry about the language, I’m no expert, just trying to throw in my 2 cents. 

Post # 162
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

We are equals, in everything, I don’t buy into the whole men and woman are different creatures BS or gender stereotypes. Not saying anyone who does is bad, but it make things easy on us just to consider each other as equals in everyday.

This whole tread reminds me of this creepy website that was posted on change.org forever and a day ago about men spanking there wives(not in the kinky fun way ether), I guess that is what I think of when I hear the word summit in association with marriage.

http://site.themarriagebed.com/domestic-discipline

Not saying that is what the OP meant or anything, thats just the mental connection I made

Post # 163
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Koolbeans621: There was a thread on here about that while ago . . 

Post # 164
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Natalieh86 To each there own I guess, I still think is really creepy but then again I also think those people who dress up like animals are a bit off too…

It funny because the website quotes the same bible quote that the OP quoted. It’s kind of crazy how people see things differently.

Post # 165
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@Koolbeans621: Sadly the association that has sponsored that website is not only not reputable but represents a random off shoot residing under the guise of “Christianity”. The term Christian is extremely broad and everyone has their own experience with it. A true bible based Christ follower would not act in that manner.

 

Post # 166
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Mrs.Argentina I am sure that people don’t confuse that with the rest of the christian populace. It would be crazy if people just thought that was what you guys “do”, especially since it is the religious that the majority of the western world subscribes to. In other words I would sweat the extremist to much, all religious have them.

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