(Closed) Do you “submit” to your husband?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 168
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

I think that my Fiance and I compromise well, and we definitely both expresses our opinions and our different viewpoints, but the idea of “submitting” doesn’t ever cross my mind, even though I know that at the end of the day he probably makes the majority of the hard decisions in our relationship. We talk things through, we weigh our options.. but ultimately I trust his discernment and since I know he has both our best intersts at heart, I trust it. I don’t blindly trust it, and there is accountability in our relationship so it isn’t a “free pass” to do whatever he wants and I just take it… it’s a partnership of trust, but he does hold the leadership role.

Post # 169
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

No, no and no. My husband and I do not subscribe to the gender roles, duties…quite the contrary. Both of us clean, do laundry, cook, do dishes and we are equals. I don’t think men should be treated any better than women in any fashion. Likewise, I don’t think women should be treated more favorably. To me, people are people. Children under 18 need parenting, but anybody older than that, whether man or women are equals. Period. I honestly don’t get the whole “submit” thing at all. Seems like women are inferior that follow this. Not saying this to be snarky, but to me this whole concept implies than men are for lack of a better word, “better”. I don’t agree.

Post # 170
152 posts
Blushing bee

in the bedroom perhaps Wink

Post # 171
13562 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We used that scripture in our ceremony, but we found a translation of it that used the phrase “put first” instead of submit, as in… “Wives, put your husband first.”

Post # 173
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

that kind of believing is actually one of the reasons why I am not a Christian anymore.  I had many personal reasons to turn away from the religion, but this happens to be one of them.

(NOTE: I am not anti-Christian, this statement is not meant to offend. I also understand that people have different interpretations of the bible.)


Post # 175
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This was discussed in our premarital counselling.

I definitely think the idea is blown out of proportion by a lot of people.

Basically my view is–we are both adults and we make small decisions for ourselves, we are a team and we make big decisions together, we are both intelligent and if there is somthing that one of us feels extremely strong about and the other does not we’ll come to a compromise and do something that is in line with both of our opinions/consciences/etc..

However, if there is ever a big decision where we both feel strongly in opposite directions and it becomes a matter of “we either make a decision together or we split” then I would ‘submit’ to his opinion after much prayer and discission with friends/family/advisors. This has never happened and there are very few possible situations where I can imagine it being an issue.

Post # 176
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If by submit you mean “do whatever I want, whenever I want”, then yep, I sure do.

Post # 177
2700 posts
Sugar bee

I find this thread very interesting.

There are things in our relationship that he is better at, and there are things that I am better at. For instance, I am impeccable with our finances, and he is fantastic with keeping up with our vehicles. Without one or the other, eventually a bill will be late, or one of us will get a flat tire. Does that make sense? We each bring separate things into the relationship, therefore make choices accordingly.

I am not inferior to him, nor am I superior. We just…. exist. If he comes home and says, “I want spaghetti for dinner”, it isn’t going to hurt my feelings that I had chicken thawing. It isn’t that I am submitting to him, it is that I do certain things to make him happy, just as he does. It is hard to explain our dynamic maybe…

He cooks and cleans when I don’t have the time and I weed eat when he has overtime. It is fair, and honestly, it works out better that way.

Now in the bedroom… that’s a different story 😉

Post # 178
7769 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@soon2bhis:  No way.. Equal partners.  Funny, when I read your post title, I thought you meant in bed!  🙂

Post # 180
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Only in bed, and only then when I ask for it. 

In our everyday life, when there’s a decision that needs to be made, we talk it out and make it together. Sometimes he has to give in, and sometimes I do, but usually we both bend a little bit. 

The only exception is if I disagree with something that’s very important to him, and then only in public, because we’ve talked about it, and it’s important to both of us that we present a very unified front. The flip side of that is that he won’t verbally disagree with me in public if it’s a subject that I care a lot of about. Then as soon as we get home, we both say our pieces. 

Otherwise, we both try very hard to see a situation from the other’s point of view, and not just give it lipservice. If he can see why something is important to me, and vice versa, it makes it a lot easier to reach a compromise (or to give in, when there’s no compromise available). This never happens with big decisions, though. If we disagree about big things, we talk and hash it out until we come up with a solution that makes us both happy. 

Post # 181
83 posts
Worker bee

My s.o. and I are very much equal partners. We work together and compromise, and we both respect and love each other.

What really bugs me about the Biblical passage on submission is that it, like others noted, does in fact compare the husband to Christ and the wife to the Church. That does not sound equitable to me at all. Others are arguing that it evens out in the end because the wife submits and the husband loves so all is fair, but how is having the man like Christ and the woman like the Church evening things out? Christ is Lord over the Church, meaning the husband is Lord over his wife. It makes absolutely no sense to me how that can be equitable. Also, I think that just as women need love, men need it as well, and just as men need respect, so do women. Giving mostly one or the other deprives your partner of something important, in my opinion. I know I need both, and so does my s.o. We are all people; I find it strange that God would put one person so definitely in charge of another simply based on gender. People are complex, and nothing is black and white, certainly not various personalities (whether you are a man or a woman). It seems very much to me that this passage is a biased account written at a time in history in which a patriarchal culture thrived.

As long as what a couple is doing works for them and they are happy, I don’t see the problem: as for me, I want to be an equal partner in the relationship, not dominant or submissive but equal. I want to work things out with my partner, together, and I want us to use our different strenghts and help each other with our different weaknesses to make our relationship strong and thriving, rather than follow the model of “I’m a woman so I do this, and you’re a man so you do that.” This is just my opinion and how our relationship works best, I’m not trying to put anyone down by stating it. And sorry for the long post!

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