(Closed) Do you subscribe to a specific method of parenting? How did you decide?

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

@Mrs. Spring:  I just went and ordered both of those books 🙂

Post # 18
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Lozza:  I LOVED the Positive Discipline book.  🙂  It totally changed my perspective on how to be nuturing but not smothering (which I have a tendency to do, lol).  Plus it puts a lot more emphasis on parenting to developmental stages, which I felt was a little lacking from the traditional AP books.

Post # 19
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I knew I wouldn’t be a one size fits all parent, we fostered lots of puppies (like actual puppies 8 weeks -20 weeks) and even with puppies their temperments gave way for different techniques working better for different ones. 

I read a lot on forums and blogs and books and then would research on pubmed or wherever people had research listed.  I also got ideas from watching some parents of what I liked/didin’t like.

We’re doing a form of elimination communication because that’s how we were raised and it worked out well, I watched 3 younger siblings love the potty but some of my friends who’ve waited longer have had issues with potty fear.  We’re kinda making our own way to do it for what works for us and baby.

I was really turned off of attachment parenting by some forums I read and after watching a friend struggle with it.  But then I started to realize I’m more against strict labels and doing stuff for namesake rather than what works for baby and family.  

Most of what we do is because it optimizes baby/mommy/daddy happiness and has research to say it’s beneficial or at least not harmful while taking into consideration her age.  Babywearing to me makes life easier and she likes it but it’s not like we never put her down, she’s out of our arms a lot too.  I like her sleeping in our room but not in our bed and roomsharing is another thing in addition to sleeping on backs thats supposed to protect against sids.  Happiest Baby on the Block is a wonderful thing.  Most other books though talk in absolutes but really you have to take them with a grain of salt.  I was really annoyed with my LLL nursing book until a few weeks after I had baby and was comfortable in mommy skin and knew what stuff just to get over and what part of advice I needed.  

Post # 21
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@MM423:  I think talking with your partner about your individual experiences and parenting expectations is a great way to start the dialogue.  You can have these discussions even before TTC, just to get a feeling of how each of you view parenting.  Through discussion, you’ll discover a parenting path that reflects you as a couple, and from there, you can start formalizing your approach.  Good luck!  I’m sure you’ll figure it out.  🙂

Post # 22
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I read a lot of books and just got overwhelmed so I took them all back to the library and haven’t opened a parenting book since. We didn’t co-sleep (just a few times in the first 2 months) because Darling Husband didn’t feel safe doing so. I got better sleep with DS out of our bed and in the cradle right next to me, and ended up waking up all the way to feed/change him anyway. We just do what feels right and seems to work. It’s constantly a work in progress.

 

@MM423: I feel consistency, fairness, and follow-through are all extremely important factors in discipline.

This is how Darling Husband and I plan to start off. If we have trouble or disagree, we’ll figure it out.

Darling Husband was raised with a much heavier hand than I was, but our priorities are the same – trust, hard work, honesty, compassion. Consistency is the number one factor in getting a child to behave. Set an (age and developmentally appropriate) expectation, and then model and follow through every single time! Being inconsistent because you don’t want to make a scene or be inconvenienced will shoot yo in the foot every single time and make it worse the next time.

Post # 23
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

With DS I was pretty structured in daily routine and sleep in his first 2 years so that eliminated alot of the issues I saw some of my friends had with having no order in the day. DS, along with the other babies I watched, really thrived on routine and consistency so that’s a BIG thing for me.

As for disciplining, Darling Husband and I really really love a series by Joe McGee called “Biblical Parenting 101”. Even if you’re not a Christian the concepts of encouragement, filling with good praise, and consistently punishing or not allowing rebellion (without acting in anger) are just awesome! It’s more about building up your child so they can make the right decisions on their own, as opposed to some disciplinarians that are more about “because I said so” (which we do not do in our house) We seriously re-watch it every few months when we can tell we’ve been getting a little lax, or lazy, in certain areas. I recommend it to EVERYONE b/c it covers everything from the young years to growing your children to adults and how to still parent (from a different position) while their in college years. And the guy is HILARIOUS! You will surely laugh! We’re fixing to add his “8 things No Kid Should Leave Home Without” as well =)

I know this go round will have a whole new set of things since now instead of 1 I’ll have 2 kiddos, but again I just get a good refresher course and start again. lol

Post # 24
Member
2432 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@runsyellowlites: From witnessing the experiences of close family members and friends, it seems to me that most infants and toddlers are much better at physically and emotionally coping when they have a fairly structured daily schedule (which makes sense to me, since they’re less likely to be hungry or tired!)

When my sisters and I were small, I know our parents had a fairly strict schedule, but this made things predictable for us as toddlers. Our youngest nephew is held to a fairly similar standard for his daily routine, and he is a very well-behaved and happy toddler.

Some of their behavior definitely depends on temperment, but I think ensuring that they have a predictable, stable schedule, allowing them plenty of time to rest, goes a long way towards raising physically and emotionally healthy kids.

Post # 25
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I follow the Spartan method. 

Post # 26
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@mrstilly: was, but our priorities are the same – trust, hard work, honesty, compassion. Consistency is the number one factor in getting a child to behave. Set an (age and developmentally appropriate) expectation, and then model and follow through every single time! Being inconsistent because you don’t want to make a scene or be inconvenienced will shoot yo in the foot every single time and make it worse the next time.

THIS! Frankly I’m not going to over think it or buy any disapline books. Everything I’ve learned from dealing with children has been thru trial/error and ton of common sense. ie when you kid is throwing a trantum you don’t give in to their demands. YOU are the parent. You stay firm and consistant, address the problem right away in age apporiate language. Kids immediately respond to rewards and consequences. We are not our childs “friend”, their are not our equals, we don’t care if they like us, but they will respect us as the leaders of our household. Its our responsblity to have a united front. And to @MrsEdamame: point we also agree on about keeping them on a fairly consistant shedule as well.  Children respond best to firm boundries. Overall we hope to sitck to this plan and to be firm & fair 80% of the time. I’m sure we will fall short sometimes but thats okay.

Post # 27
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Miss Sapphire: I worry about buying into any particular parenting model as well, and your philosophies sound similar to mine. Instilling adaptability in kids seems to be under-rated. And, I mean, I want to try to always act lovingly towards my child… but not to coddle. IMO, that’s why we’re dealing with so many entitlement issues with kids now. And I’m afraid a lot of current philosophies result in kids who are too dependent on their parents. 

My plan is to just keep my eyes on the prize: raising a child to be a responsible, independent, considerate adult who contributes positively to society. If my actions as a parent don’t encourage that, then I’m doing something wrong, but otherwise, I’m not going to worry about one method of parenting vs. another.

Post # 29
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@vmec:

I agree!!! 100%.

 

And the “I said “no” do you think if you keep bugging me I will change my mind?” method.

Kids get it pretty quick.  I know someone who gives into her kids ALL the time because she would rather do that then hear them cry.  However, when I am around, they know better than to play me, and they are better behaved. 

Children are master manipulators. 

 

 

Post # 30
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@bklynbridetobe: I agree with your statement 100%.

I am a firm ruler in my house.  Fiance is softer, but he’s learning, and I let him deal with the consequences when he makes a less than adult decision!

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