Post # 1
I decided a long time ago that i wasnt going to talk about our fights to other people.. and on the occasions where i did to either my mom or BFF it just re-affirmed my decision not to.
I think that its not fair to SO one, thats hes not there to defend himself and two that i may be painting him in bad light for even a brief moment.. although he and i know its resolved, thee person that i told now has a bad impression of him. (think parents, sisters, brothers)
This goes for people that dont know him also.. what if they meet him one day and all they had heard about him was all of our fights (im thinking like a co-worker situation).. teven if was the nices guy in the room that person has nothing other than negative things to judgehim on..
What about you bees? do you?
Post # 3
I agree. I never talk about fights or say anything negative about him, I find it wrong and disrespectful even in a joking way.
Post # 4
@Kandiss16: I have a select few people that I discuss our relationship with. Im not worried about him being painted in a bad light because I put myself in that same light lol. We both look like assholes sometimes and in reality thats just how it goes. I don’t give all the dirty details to just anyone and I don’t ever insult him but I do vent and I do run things by the people I trust most to see if maybe I am overreacting sometimes or just to get some support. FI is very different than me. He doesn’t really discuss us with othe rpeople.
Post # 5
I promised myself that the only person I would talk to about fights (which we very seldom have) is my best friend. That’s it. One person to vent to, nobody else needs to know.
Post # 6
I have one friend who is married and never, ever judges him or me based on what I tell her so she gets to hear it all. I get to hear all of theirs too. It helps that FH and her hubby’s bad qualities are pretty much the same so we can easily relate.
Post # 7
I don’t tell others about our fights. I did this in previous relationships, and it’s true that you are likely to forgive your SO, but others will not. It’s best to never speak badly about the person you love.
Post # 9
@QueenieB: I promised FI the only person I would talk to about our fights is him 😛 I honestly feel it won’t help matters at all unless I go straight to the source and solve the problem with the only person who matters (in that instance).
Post # 10
@Kandiss16: A relationship is between two people, not the two people and your three best friends. If you can’t talk out an issue with your SO and feel the need to vent your problems to a third party, then in my opinion maturity begins to play a part in how ready a person really is for a serious relationship.
Post # 11
No. I did in the past, but I’ve found since I stopped we are actually closer. I don’t know if it’s directly related, but I think it does have something to do with it. It also means you are less likely to dwell on it.
Post # 12
I have in the past. I tend to talk through my frustrations with one of my friends. She gives good insight and it very supportive. Then one day she commented that I wasnt happy with my SO. I was a little taken aback and then realized that because I only went to her with my problems for advice, she had only heard negative things about my SO. I wont make that mistake again.
Post # 13
I talk about my SO/our relationship to my best friend but she’s the only one.
Post # 14
I usually only talk to someone about our fights after they are already resolved because we usually don’t fight for very long. The only people I do talk to about our relationship are my parents and sometimes my grandmother. Since FI practically lived at our house for the last two years of highschool my family has their own relationships with him and they know both the good and the bad. I talk to my dad daily and sometimes I’ll tell him about how FI was being stupid about something silly last night and made me cry because I’m all hormonal, but I’ll also tell my dad that FI came home and did something super sweet for me last night too.
Post # 15
The only person I talk about our fights to is my step sister who happens to also be my very best friend. I use to not talk about our fights at all but I found that bottling up my frustrations about him didn’t help at all. And then I came to realize that whenever I did talk about our fights, I would end up seeing it in a different light and actually start to feel bad about how I behaved or how I treated him in the moment. It’s pretty therapeutic for me. On the other hand, he NEVER talks to anyone about our fights. But he also is a lot more level-headed than I am and doesn’t stay mad for long.
Post # 16
@Kandiss16: almost never. I do mention disagreements but I try hard to not badmouth him to others…I’d rather just bring the issue to him directly.
Both of our moms, but especially his, have tried to create rifts betwen us before, taking a disagreement or some little thing way out of proportion, or not believing us when we say we’ve never really fought. It’s just not cool.