Post # 1
If you have/had a gender preference while expecting, did you tell people? At first, I thought I wouldn’t but I’ve let it slip a couple of times when asked. Just curious if you express it or keep it to yourself. Why or why not?
Post # 3
I’ve always wanted to have a boy first, but lately I’ve been kind of wanting a girl. As soon as I got my BFP though, those thoughts just went out the window and all I want is a healthy baby. FI on the other hand wants a BOY as well as FMIL!!
The minute we told his family they started saying “I think it’s a boy” “I think it’s a girl” lol I’m like really?!?! I have NO IDEA!! I just want it to be a growing baby!!
Post # 4
There’s nothing wrong with, first and foremost, wanting a healthy baby. There is something a little off about the folks whose preferences are so specific and set that they’re absolutely crushed for months after finding out their child isn’t the gender they expected – to the point they long resent the child.
We’re having one and only one child and I have a preference for a girl. If that doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. Of course, this is not something I share in wider circles, because invariably the trite, “The only thing that matters is that the baby is healthy!” comes up. Well, duh. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a preference at the same time.
Sure, at the end of the day, all that matters is that I get a decent house (I’m using this analogy because we’re looking). However, that doesn’t mean that one particular house wouldn’t make us happier than, say, another, even if they’re both great.
Post # 5
I would never. I don’t want my future child to think that s/he is unwanted (or for other people to think I’m disappointed) if I state the opposite gender as my preference.
Post # 6
@CookieCreamCakes: But a house doesn’t have feelings!
I definitely have a strong gender preference and I totally think it’s okay to have one, but I think the OP is asking if you would tell anyone. I’m curious: would you?
Post # 7
I already have 2 girls. People are always saying “well you gotta try for a boy!”. Honestly if we did have a 3rd I would prefer another girl. People seem to find that inconceivable!
Post # 8
I don’t have a gender preference. I thought I was having a boy and I was excited about that. We had our gender scan and surprise he was a SHE! I was stil excited. I have had some health issues and I’m a high risk pregnancy so I really just wanted a healthy baby. I would get annoyed with people that would act like they didn’t believe me when I said I wanted a healthy baby. And when we found out the baby was a girl people kept asking if DH was ok with that….Ummmm if he wasn’t too bad for him.
I know that when some people think about having children they have a specific gender in mind. But even if they don’t have the gender they wanted I doubt people don’t want their baby or don’t love them.
Post # 9
I told family and close friends who asked me. I got asked a lot what I wanted to have, so I figured it was normal to have a preference. However, I always followed it by telling the person that a healthy baby was my number one preference.
Post # 10
This reminds me of the Garfunkel and Oates “Pregnant Women are Smug” song. (The talk of the “as long as it’s healthy” thing)
Riki: So, do you want a boy or girl?
Kate: Oh, doesn’t matter as long as it’s healthy
Riki: Really? ‘Cause I don’t feel that those two things are related. It’s not like one or the other.
Kate: Oh, really, as long as it’s healthy.
I can’t wait to hear someone say
“Don’t care if it’s brain dead
Don’t care if it’s limbless
If it has a penis”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8 (if you wanna hear the rest of the song but I feel like most people know it?)
Post # 11
Well we have a girl & fi has a ds. So everyone pretty much assumes we’d like another boy created by us.fi doesn’t care either way he just wants a healthy baby with no preference. I’d looooove to have a boy but wouldn’t be disappointed with a girl. Everyone already knows so don’t have to tell anyone lol.
Post # 12
Never. I think my mom and DH knew I did, and they were the only people I really opened up to after we found out the gender, but I knew they would never ever repeat it to anyone. Would you want your daughter/son to grow up knowing that they’re not what you wanted? That would hurt as a child.
Post # 13
SO wants a boy first, but I kind of want a girl first because both sets of grandparents already have a grandson. Either way, one of us will be very happy and the other will be very very happy 🙂 In regards to telling people what we want, we’ll probably limit it to just our parents.
Post # 14
@somethingaquamarine: @Wonderstruck: FWIW, everyone wanted me to be a boy and it hasn’t affected me one bit. I think as long as the child isn’t constantly told how disappointed the parents are (I wasn’t and my parents weren’t disappointed but had a preference for their 3rd child) it doesn’t matter.
@eeniebeans: Funny, I wouldn’t mind having a house full of boys and I can totally see how people would assume I want a girl.
Post # 15
yes and im not even near TTC many years away in fact but i only want one child and i want a girl, due to alot of experience around male babies and male children, with god-sons, nephews, many younger male cousins, ive nannied multiple boys, i really want to have a chance to be around a girl.
plus the whole mother and daughter bond i want that, SO wants a girl too, as he says the girl can still do soccer and athletics which he loves but be girly and shop or whatever with me. so he is totally down for the one child and hope to concieve a girl.
i have told people and theyve told me its crazy to want one or the other, as long as its healthy and i said well i wasnt saying i wanted a girl if it risked their health those two things arent even linked.
but ive had the same reaction as only having a single child, in fact a certain crazy family member of mine said “oh no, you cant possibly only have one child, thats selfish, what about siblings?”
to which i replied both me and my partner have never been close to ours due to a 4 yr age gap and different personalities plus they will have many first and second cousins plus many family friends
Post # 16
NJmeetsBX In a lot of ways, having all of one gender simplifies things- I already have the clothes, no worries about sharing rooms etc. Of course if I had a boy I would love it- but I see nothing wrong with having a preference.